Help me I am constantly saying I am sorry to my spouse?

[Jjnays]

I don't know what to do I know it can't be good, I have been with my husband for 19 yrs. I am so sick of his yelling at me and my three kids 16,9,6 it's getting to the point my kids are always saying they are sorry for stuff they shouldn't have to apologize for, I am lost and confused, I am so sick of his yelling and making everyone feel like there always wrong and he is always right. I have done a ton of research and all I come up with is emotional abuse for the things he does, I really don't like the word emotional abuse, there is no way to prove it in a court of law.. So what do I do? we have separated in the past, but he made sure to get 50/50 custody and I don't have the money to fight it, we are doing marriage counseling now, but she hasn't picked up on what the problem is, he has her believing its a communication problem, but I plan on bringing up some other things that I hope will help me and my children we can't keep living like this I don't know what to do any advice?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm so glad you are in therapy.  That is so helpful.  Even if your partner will not go, your going will give you insight, clarity and an outlet.  Wishing you all the best.  peace

[strength1715]

I am in a similar situation though we have not separated ...yet. I am in therapy - he refuses to go. There is a book titled "Why Does he Do That? Inside the minds of controlling and angry men" - may be worth the read.

Good luck

[baby2014]

I would record him seriously. As long as you and your children know and give consent on the tape that you and they are being recorded you may possibly be able to use it in court. I don't know what is legal in your state. Or you can just play it while your in counseling to help make sure matters don't progress. I'm wondering if he's a narcissist.

[RockRose]

I think you should get a surveillance camera or microphone and roll the tape.  He probably has no idea what he looks and sounds like.  

I'm sure Best Buy could help you.

[strongandsmart25]

Some women say that emotional abuse almost feels worse than physical abuse because if they were physically abused and had bruises and broken bones, at least everyone could SEE them and it would be more obvious. But the fact is that Emotional Abuse is still abuse. Does he only yell or does he do other things too that don't technically cross the line into physical abuse but make you feel scared or controlled? You need to tell the counselor directly that you are suffering from domestic violence and if your counselor doesn't understand that domestic violence includes emotional abuse and doesn't necessarily have a physical component, then you need to go to a different counselor. You need a counselor that will work with you both on what the real problem is - his need to control everything and everyone in the house.

[AnnieBrooke]

Sounds like he has circled the wagons and won't acknowledge that he is yelling as a way of life.  If you can't get him to see that it is hard on you and the kids to be yelled at over things that you should not have to apologize for, it might be time to separate for good.  At least the kids will be in a peaceful home half of the time.