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15474313 tn?1443814920

Hi

hi.. I just wanted to ask some help. my partner has trouble managing his anger and he tends to hurt me physically(real bad) every time he got mad. I juts wanted to know what can I do to help him. He also doesn't want to lose my attention. like he is an adult with  ADHD, he displays the symptoms...

thank you.
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3060903 tn?1398565123
First things first dear, you must lead yourself to safety.

When a family denies knowledge of a family member's problems, it's called denial. Both your husband and his family are in denial. It meant to make things difficult to change. They figure if they refuse to admit to a problem, it doesn't exist. Your husband has learned this denial from his family i think. It will make it alot more difficult for him to get help if his own family is lying to him and telling him it's you, and it's okay for him to lie to himself. MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. In fact, unless your husband is able to to see through this, and walk away from his family for his own good, he may never have the opportunity to get the help he needs to get well.  The fact that his family is like this, is very bad for the prospects for your relationship i'm afraid. You need to get out of this situation and look after yourself. You can have a good life and walk away. You cannot help someone if they refuse to get help, and you deserve so much more than to be abused for the rest of your life,
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Often an abuser will only get help if the party they are hurting does leave. If nothing changes, then in their mind there is no reason to get help.

There are anger management classes, that he can take. He can go to a therapist to deal with his anger issues.

You can both go to a marriage therapist, as well. And then they can work with your husband. If he is actively hurting you, you can also call the police, and often a person will have to take anger management classes, to stay out of jail.

There are many options for you. I'm so sorry that you're in this position> Please keep us updated about how you're doing?

Liz
Helpful - 0
15474313 tn?1443814920
No, It's okay. Sometime I tend to think about that also. So your not at all wrong.

I just need to make sure he gets the help he deserve. I know I must leave.It's for my own sake.
Thank you :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OH!  I'm sorry I took it the wrong way!  I jumped to the wrong conclusion, my friend.  

Hopefully, if you do leave, he'll reach out to someone for help.  It sounds like he really doesn't want to lose you, and I know you don't want to leave.  But, keep safe---and hopefully HE'LL realize he does need help.

Again---I'm sorry I misunderstood.

Have a wonderful day.  :)
Helpful - 0
15474313 tn?1443814920
oh no...I wont do anything to myself..what I mean is after i leave him... Thank you.. I will reach out
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My dear NC13,

You're latest comment, "Even if I'm gone", concerns me.  Are you thinking of doing anything to yourself?  If so, PLEASE call a helpline---there is one in Manila and the phone number is (02) 8969191.  Please call them.  They may even be able to help you get help for your boyfriend.
I'm not surprised that his family doesn't believe you...no one  wants to admit their family member has anger issues.  Please, my dear, get help for YOU first.  YOU are the priority.
Trust your gut and take care of you first.  Best wishes, and please let me know what happens.  OK?  Keep in touch.
Helpful - 0
15474313 tn?1443814920
I just wanted where/who to turn to to help him. Even if im gone.
Helpful - 0
15474313 tn?1443814920
i understand...I already asked the leader of their church to at least talk to him..
We actually talked.He said he was really having a hard time changing but he wanted to and is also serious about it.He want me to guide him/help him. I know it a big loss to him if I leave him alone because there's no one on his family or friends who understands the situation he's really in. I talked to the family but they doesn't believe me.
I'm already putting space on our relationship so as not to hurt him real bad. I pity him...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Let me reiterate what 'Paxiled' said: "...run don't walk out of the door..."  YOU need to be safe.  I know it's easy to say, 'leave him'---it'll be hard...but you HAVE to go.  You need to be safe.  And, quite frankly, you'll never be able to change or help him change.  Your partner is the only one who can help himself--and that's only if he wants change.
Go to a relative, a friend, a minister, a shelter---whatever, but you must be safe.
Please keep us posted, and please be safe.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you're saying he's attacking you physically, run don't walk out the door and out of his life.  He needs professional help, but that will take time and the will on his part to get better.  In the meantime, you don't need someone who might harm you.  Sorry, but you can't fix this quickly enough to protect yourself.
Helpful - 0
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