How to stop blaming yourself

[Rowanflame]

I used to be abused sexually and physically by a family member. I find myself thinking that what happened was my fault and that if I was better than it wouldn't have happened. The whole thing gave me a really bad self esteem and body image, since when I look in the mirror I can still see all the marks he left on my skin despite a lot of them being faded or gone. My girlfriend is constantly telling me its not my fault, and I want to believe it, but I just can't seem to believe it. No matter what I tell myself, in the back of my mind I still think its all my fault.

[Nighthawk61]

Hi there, sorry to hear that you've been abused by a parent. It really sounds like you need therapy to move on. This is above what your girlfriend can do for you. In order to maintain your relationship i suggest your talking to a therapist and doing the work that you must to be able to fully comprehend all the time, that it was merely bad luck that you were born to a parent that was sick and did not get help. It would help you also if you could ever communicate with your parent your need for them to sincerely understand the consequences of their actions and relay their understanding to you. That's might not happen, but it's important for you to know that this as well has nothing to do with you. The fact is my friend, your parent would have abused any child that was born on your birthday. We can't choose our parents. My parents both abused their children, and neither had the decency in this life to try to make amends. Ive learned that is of no bearing on my life. Their inabilities, while it affected me to the max, had nothing to do with me., just as it has nothing to do with you. I know that it is a lot of responsibility for our partners to deal with the kind of pain we are in, and it helps them and our relationships to seek professional help. You're in my thoughts and prayers always. The worst thing that abuse brings to us is lack of hope. We lose the hope that those that have harmed us will ever try to make it right, and in doing so, we lose hope in our own ability to handle the problem. But we can deal with the problem, with the right help. You be you, while you've experienced abuse, you can also be the most sensitive and understanding person around. While the experience can affect you negatively, you can turn that around and your surviving the ordeal can help others. But first, you must get well. I'm here always to help you in any way i can. Peace be with you friend.