Hi In this country if you do have a therapist you have to have a social worker. I have raised my son with very little help for 10 years alone, I have had racism, intimidation, and scapegoating, but I have been a loving stable Mum, and always put my child first. I do not want a social worker, I have done so much well by myself, my son loves to stay at home, he is not an outward type, though I am, and I have to accept him for who he is. I find you a bit judgemental, by saying that I am divorced, I was not married - my sons Dad's family would not allow him to marry me- though I wanted to. Racism is what has caused these and my sons issues, why should we pay the price for my exes family racism? Thanks, Velma
My son is 12 - his dad has never shown violence to him, I was with him 8 yrs and he was violent to me twice after my son was born. His family did not want me to heve his child, he even lied to them and said I d had an abortion. I have had nothing but harassment and racism from them. I have been a very stable and loving Mother, and have all odds against me, They want a son as it means money for them, and they only have a daughter. I have never stopped his Dad to see him, and offered him at least once a week, once a month is down to him.
I cannot make miracles, I am a single mum, 55, and believe me the world is against people like me.
Thanks Velma
Hi, thank you for acknowledging that this is something more than seperation.
It is a big possibility they could take him to India, and I would have a terrible job to get him back. This is how crafty the family are, and it happens all the time in the UK. I think my best solution is to see a solicitor again really, your answer has made me see this, and will put my fears away. My son is angry with him for not seeing him enough, then this affects me, and they want me unable to cope. Solicitors here are very aware of asian tactics,
Thanks velma
Hi there. Yes, I agree a child psychologist would be helpful. Divorce IS really hard and sometimes a kid's actions are actually an emotional reaction. If he is violent to you, this is something to set firm boundaries on. That can not go on. He would need to have anger management as part of his therapy!
I'm not sure it is a good idea to make him not see his dad anymore. Is his dad violent to him? I say this because boys will rebel against that type of thing and he will be angrier than ever. This is the man you chose to have a child with and he sees him as dad. I totally hear what you are saying though that he is not a good influence. It's a very hard position for you to be in.
I really hope this works out for you in a positive way. Try to stay calm and be patient. Hopefully your son will learn new ways of expressing his emotion through the help of a therapist. peace
Welcome to Medhep! I really think that it would help you right now, to have a child psychologist take some time with your boy. I would not suggest that you be threatening or blaming when you apprise your X husband of his attendance. I would just say that you are looking to have a counselor help your son to be happier, and leave it at that.
I had a very uncomfortable first year or two with my husband's X, when she called our house. I sure didn't call her, but left that to my husband. After a few years, she seems to be more civilized with us both on the phone. I think it hurt her to think that what she threw away was so willingly received by another woman.
Divorce is so hard on kids, by the way , you didn't mention how old your son is? I take it he is an only child. Is he involved in Boy Scouts or any extra curricular groups? It might help him a great deal to be around other kids as well as a male role model. Perhaps getting him on the "Big Brothers" list would help as well. I think the anger could very well be his lack of companionship and comradery with proper male role models. How long have you been divorced? Are you interested in dating anyone? My son found a great deal of solace from his step dad when he was 12 after losing his father to juvenile diabetes at 8.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm here if you need to talk. Liz