Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

I don't know whether to stop my son's Dad seeing him

My son has become very aggressive the past few months, in the past he had spells of this but now it is bad. I am now going to a help group, as my son is getting violent.  His Dad has only seen him once a month for a few hours for the last 3 years, previously it was every 1 to 2 weeks. He says due to work, but as he's married now I feel his wife is controlling this. I have in the last 2 years let him take my son out, which I am loathe to as I have a Prohibitive steps order in place - when my son was a baby his Dad's family tried to walk off with him 3 times without asking me, and they have a house in India. They were intimidating and against me as I am white.  My son has said in anger he wants to live with him, but then says he doesn't mean it, as his Dad is very flippant and refuses to visit him more than once a month I am getting to the point of wanting to stop him seeing him. It is doing more damage than good, and as my ex was violent to me a few times before I made him leave I don't really think it any loss now. He refuses to help over my son's behaviour, if I ring his house I get abuse from his wife, the family want my life to be difficult. I know it is good for a child to see both parents but this situation is ruining the relationship I have with my son. I feel the same fears I had again when we were together, and know that this is not right.  Can anyone see what I should do for the best.  Thanks.
Best Answer
757137 tn?1347196453
Is your real problem a fear that your ex-husband and his family are winning your son away from you? Is it possible for them to slip him out of the country? And, by the way, how old is your son?
6 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Hi  In this country if you do have a therapist you have to have a social worker. I have raised my son with very little help for 10 years alone, I have had racism, intimidation, and scapegoating, but I have been a loving stable Mum, and always put my child first. I do not want a social worker, I have done so much well by myself, my son loves to stay at home, he is not an outward type, though I am, and I have to accept him for who he is. I find you a bit judgemental, by saying that I am divorced, I was not married - my sons Dad's family would not allow him to marry me- though I wanted to. Racism is what has caused these and my sons issues, why should we pay the price for my exes family racism?   Thanks, Velma
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My son is 12 - his dad has never shown violence to him, I was with him 8 yrs and he was violent to me twice after my son was born. His family did not want me to heve his child, he even lied to them and said I d had an abortion.  I have had nothing but harassment and racism from them.  I have been a very stable and loving Mother, and have all odds against me, They want a son as it means money for them, and they only have a daughter. I have never stopped his Dad to see him, and offered him at least once a week, once a month is down to him.

I cannot make miracles, I am a single mum, 55, and believe me the world is against people like me.

Thanks Velma
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi,  thank you for acknowledging that this is something more than seperation.
It is a big possibility they could take him to India, and I would have a terrible job to get him back.  This is how crafty the family are, and it happens all the time in the UK. I think my best solution is to see a solicitor again really, your answer has made me see this, and will put my fears away. My son is angry with him for not seeing him enough, then this affects me, and they want me unable to cope. Solicitors here are very aware of asian tactics,



  Thanks velma

Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  Yes, I agree a child psychologist would be helpful.  Divorce IS really hard and sometimes a kid's actions are actually an emotional reaction.  If he is violent to you, this is something to set firm boundaries on.  That can not go on.  He would need to have anger management as part of his therapy!

I'm not sure it is a good idea to make him not see his dad anymore.  Is his dad violent to him?  I say this because boys will rebel against that type of thing and he will be angrier than ever.  This is the man you chose to  have a child with and he sees him as dad.  I totally hear what you are saying though that he is not a good influence.  It's a very hard position for you to be in.

I really hope this works out for you in a positive way.  Try to stay calm and be patient.  Hopefully your son will learn new ways of expressing his emotion through the help of a therapist.  peace
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Welcome to Medhep!  I really think that it would help you right now, to have a child psychologist take some time with your boy. I would not suggest that you be threatening or blaming when you apprise your X husband of his attendance. I would just say that you are looking to have a counselor help your son to be happier, and leave it at that.

I had a very uncomfortable first year or two with my husband's X, when she called our house. I sure didn't call her, but left that to my husband. After a few years, she seems to be more civilized with us both on the phone. I think it hurt her to think that what she threw away was so willingly received by another woman.  

Divorce is so hard on kids, by the way , you didn't mention how old your son is? I take it he is an only child. Is he involved in Boy Scouts or any extra curricular groups? It might help him a great deal to be around other kids as well as a male role model. Perhaps getting him on the "Big Brothers" list would help as well. I think the anger could very well be his lack of companionship and comradery with proper male role models. How long have you been divorced? Are you interested in dating anyone? My son found a great deal of solace from his step dad when he was 12 after losing his father to juvenile diabetes at 8.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm here if you need to talk. Liz
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.