1634952 tn?1302243973

I loved to hate him-and HATED to love him!

There is a very fine line between love and hate. Sometimes it will leave us more confused and mentally twisted than it should.

Somethings are just what they are-they look like the same mental image as they always should've and will continue to be appear JUST AS THEY HAVE AND ARE.

IN CONTRAST TO THE love-one may hate to love something or someone, as they recognize its not about a reconciliation but the realization that their love long turned in loathing and wasted hate! Therefore, they Hate to love.

while we are not confidante in who we are and what is important to our inner essence,self worth, and self value, we love what we have chosen to hate because that's the only way to keep peace with the unworthy hate that has been planted in our own hearts!

Perhaps it's harder to be honest about what we feel, due to the lack of being able to connect with ones dreams that have for so long, have been shattered and disregarded as mere "nothingness"!

I am not real sure. What i know for a fact is that Hate kept me where I was-in a bottomless toxic relationship that sucked the very life from my heart & soul. And I COULD NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME, distinguish the difference between the two "I Love to hate him and/or I hate to love him!"

So what I had to do was make a list....a list that turned into a full page, then a 75 page notebook and now is a book that I HAVE wrote....

One column of the page was

(-the everlasting kind) (the one that go away) HATE2LOVE

It was painfully honest to watch my list turn into a page, then a page turn into 75, and then a complete book. BUT in getting honest with myself keeping it real, i took control and little by little, The hating stopped.

I was saddened the most by my actions. For example, i hated the fact that I gave him the power to be able to distort my love into hate. I hated this about whom i had become, And once the problem was in front of me in black & white, I found acceptance for it- IT WAS WHAT IT WAS, a learned behavior from someone who did not love and wasn't WORTHY of the energy to be hated by me.

So many things in my changed right then and there, that single moment in my life. The2nd part of my book, "HOW TO LOVE MYSELF AND KEEP MYSELF 1ST IN THIS BOOK" Is like a daily newspaper to me. IT IS MY WORLD NOW.

My kids saw immediately the change this had and has over me. I have re-blossomed and came to life all over again. It's been 4 years ago I ended my marriage to me ex-husband, and 7 months since I took a stand to my family and SAID ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

I stopped the buck from passing onto my children that day and cut off all toxic contact between the now and then. as I said before......

" Somethings are just what they are- JUST AS THEY HAVE AND will always be.......and most times-IT IS WHAT IT IS, I can not CHANGE it-EVER...What I can do is CHANGE my reaction(s) to healthier actions and acknowledge it-for being what it is! In other words, I can't change the things I have no control over, but I can control the emotional battles I fight!

Peace be with us all as we embark on this brand new journey of the re-discovery of loving our value's and value who we are!
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1. was it love?

2. was it hate?

3. was it a learned bahavior?

4. Could i have avoided the "hate to love''?
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