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I was "abused" as a child but I enjoyed it
My first sexual memory I can remember was when I was very young, around 5 years old. My next door neighbour would babysit me when my parents were away. On evenings when my parents would get back very late (they worked very late hours both as doctors) my neighbour (perhaps 12-14 years at the time?) would ask me if I wanted to do some "grown-up" activities, telling me that I had to keep it top secret and not tell anybody and that I could stop at any time if I didn't like it. Obviously wanting to know what he meant I was very curious and went along. He would pull down my pants and masturbate me gently. I didn't really know what was going on but was curious to let him handle me. All I remember was that he did to me felt amazing. I had never felt like that before so I let him touch me as he wished. As it was pleasurable, I didn't tell my parents or anyone else, as I didn't want it to stop. It got more involved as time went on. Soon I was doing the same to him and at the most involved stage, he would perform oral sex on me. It never went any further than that and at some stages when he babysat me and I refused his advances because I was tired or didn't feel like it, he would leave me be. We moved a few years later and I forgot about it completely. For years after I was intrigued over what happened.

When I was older, around 10 years, the same thing happened again. I had a friend who lived next door who was around 18 years. We were really good friends and I would often sleep over at his place while my parents worked late. As time went on, things became more and more sexual. Up until the point where I asked him if he wanted to touch me. Once again we would masturbate each other and perform oral sex. I don't know quite how to describe it, but it made me feel so much better about myself. That I could express myself in a way I didn't think possible. To let someone make me feel so good.  

Obviously years on, I understood what had actually happened, but I never told anyone. I wasn't scarred or emotionally changed at all. I actually enjoyed what happened. I know that this isn't normal and I haven't told anyone about what had happened, knowing that they would immediately jump to the conclusion that I was abused, when in fact, I enjoyed it. I just feel as though I had to get this out somewhere. Now myself, I would never try what happened to me on anyone, nor would I ever think of abusing anyone in anyway. People probably think that I would be completely messed up by now, but I am actually in my final year of business and accounting at college. In fact, I sometimes babysit my next door neighbours and my friends brother, but everything is strictly professional. I would never think of harming them in anyway or repeating what happened to me.

I just wonder if anyone has ever hone through something as similar as me and have felt the way I did? I know there's not a lot of info on this particular scenario, but it did get me wondering. Are there others who have gone through what I have? Please understand that this is the first time I have ever come forward with this. Thought I would finally get this off my chest.
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I think you were young and even though it felt good, that you didn't know any better. Things just led to another after the initial few moments.

Why do you want to get it off your chest now? Are you thinking more with what happened back then?

Are you male or female as I couldn't gauge that from your post?
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I am male. Just wanted to see if anyone else has had a similar experience as myself that's all.
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13167 tn?1327197724
There are a lot of inconsistencies in your post,  delver.  A lot.

Business and accounting?  Hm.  Interesting.  You don't hear that very often.

"We moved a few years later and I forgot about it completely. For years after I was intrigued over what happened".  

Interesting that two doctors (who both work late,  btw) would be ok with having a 12 year old boy babysit their child overnights.  Hmm.  Unusual.  

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Not sure how that's inconsistent. Those details weren't the crux of my post.
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I'm not really sure what to tell you. If you're not traumatized, enjoyed it and have no hard feelings then I guess you can't really call it abuse. Since it was gentle and not forced on you (would stop when you didn't want it etc.) I guess it wasn't really a traumatizing thing. You where pretty young but maybe it just counts as exploring? I'm not sure. But its how you feel about it that counts.
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It is ok to have enjoyed it at the time - that doesn't make you weird, only human. It is more common for males than females to enjoy being sexually abused since men tend to be aroused by sight and touch where as women tend to be more aroused by smell and fantasy fulfillment. Lot's of children do "sex play" or experimenting however even if you FELT at the time it was more of a friends with benefits situation, it is good that now you realize that true child experimentation is usually done with other children no more than 2-3 years age difference. These older boys were taking advantage of you and if the 18 was caught should have been charged! You are certainly not alone in the aspect that it felt good at the time, at that age it also doesn't determine whether you will be LGBTQ. Talk to other men about it if need be but not anyone under 18. It is good you are not assuming that it would be ok for you to repeat with someone younger as for they would be a different person and most likely would feel ABUSED. You should talk to a therapist about your feelings towards the emotional side ie these young men broke your trust and used you! But, if you can enjoy a normal enjoyable sex life now then be happy your experiences weren't worse, you made it through, you survived, you learned from it and you can and probably will one day help another young adult deal with his mixed feelings regarding his similar feelings.
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Similar experiences lol sorry
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As a person who has been abused from the age of 3 to 11, You was abused.  Regardless if you enjoyed it or not. This what make it confusing to most kids that being abused is that they don’t understand why they like it. They feel guilty and feel it’s their fault as result 90% of abuse are never reported. They are stages in development and at the time of your abuse you were younger and haven’t developed to the level of the 12 year old or later the 18 year old. Because of this you were not in the mature enough to give your consent properly or legally even if you asked them to do it to you and you like it. The fact that you now babysit and you feel strongly that you would never do to these kids what was done to you shows that you are aware that what was done to you was wrong. Because the experience wasn’t traumatic you were able to coped. It is more difficult to coped when the experience was traumatic. Considering yourself as one of the 1 % who was not mentally, emotionally and physically changed because of this experience.
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