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Avatar universal

I'm not sure if this is abuse

When I was little (around from when I was seven until I was around ten or eleven), my brother (five years older than me) would often play games with me that I realise now were inappropriate. He made me touch his penis and I believe even more and I think he'd make me undress but I'm not sure. My memories are really cloudy from this time since I think I've suppressed them over time.
I have a really bad hypersexuality issue now which can be common amongst sexual assault survivors.

But I asked someone who was my friend at the time for help then they called the child services, who threatened to take me from my family (apparently) if it was true.
I've since been in therapy for a long time, going through five different therapists and I brought it up to my previous therapist since I was scared and worried.
My mum would yell at me and tell me I was lying and to not tell anyone ever again which is fair since she wants me to stay home but I'm living with my brother that did that to me and it all just feels uncomfortable since I'm not sure anymore if it was real.
I really thought it was before mum started hurting me and I'm really scared and worried.
I want to get help but I don't want them to take me from my family...
2 Responses
Avatar universal
I also can only get aroised when talking about something forceful like rape or something along the same lines which makes me feel like I'm disgusting...
This is completely normal. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not disgusting. Maybe you should consider getting counseling. But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want you. People always think you should talk about things like this, but if you rush it it could cause you to relive the trauma and hurt yourself even more. However if you do want to talk about it you definitely should. Its all up to you.
This (general) article about trauma made feel better. Maybe you should give it a read. http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1137
3060903 tn?1398568723
I'm really sorry that your Mom is "hurting you", and that concerns me. These types of thing happen between siblings unfortunately. It should be dealt with by the caregivers for both the victim and the abuser's sake. It is very unfortunate that there is a no talk rule for both you and your brother. It sounds like it ended when your brother was about 15 or 16 and he needs honest help just as you do, so that you can both have good relationships. I'm wondering if there are Aunts or Uncles that you might be able to live with so you're not having to live with your brother? Is that a possibility?
My brother has just moved out so it feels a little better now. Thank you so so much for your reply. It really means a lot to me... I thought I should never bring this up but I suppose it’s not so bad as it feels?
Thank you
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