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Is my father verbally or emotionally abusive?

I am 18 years old and in college and in the last few months, I've been thinking that my father might have been verbally abuse to me but I'm doubting and don't want to bring it up and be told I'm making it up. He has always yelled at my sister and I for years over the smallest of things or anything that is not what he believes in and tells that we're arguing. He blames me for any issues we have in the house and that I have caused all of the "nosebleeds" (meaning arguments and his yelling at me) that have gone in the house. He's told me countless number of times over the years that I have a serious attitude problem that will prevent me from being successful and becoming a doctor which is my goal. He's said I probably won't make it through college and definitely not through medical school and I have only gotten so far because of him and my mom. I should be lucky that I have him as a parent because he has never done anything wrong and we always "talk on the weekends" since every weekend or so he would lecture my sister and I for hours about our behavior and what we had done wrong during the week. He has major anger issues and had broken a door off of its hinges when my older sister had locked the door after he had been yelling at her. He has threatened to get rid of my dog because I obviously am not ready to take care of her since I can't talk to him politely. Last month, he said I can't get a hair cut because having long hair will make people think I'm responsible and will allow me to get into medical school. When I said that I will get in because of how smart I am, he sighed very sadly and said he knew I would misinterpret what he said like that. His most recent tirade at me was saying how I'm not going to be successful and if I keep having an attitude towards him he won't sign the loans for my college tuition and I'll have to come and live back at home to waitress or be a prostitute. He started asking me why I act like I hate him, it's not like he has been physically or sexually abusive to me. I started laughing at that point because he conveniently left off of that list verbal abusive, as if he knew that's what he had been doing over the years. I hate my father and I want to confront him on what he has been doing to me but I can't help but be scared about what he will do and I don't want to make my mom upset because I know she wouldn't forgive me saying that since she doesn't seem to think what my dad does is wrong.
1 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Sorry it has been hard.  I'm sure your dad has hurt you with his words and outbursts.  I'm a parent.  I am not perfect.  I work hard to control myself but know that my words and actions have probably hurt my kids from time to time.  I'm hoping that my good moments outweigh those bad moments.  :>)  

Most people in the world have imperfect parents that do stupid things or hurt us.  I have my own parental issues with my dad.  What we have to do is rise above.  Learn how we do NOT want to be and work to be that better person.  You don't really need to cause a big family rift.  You do take money from your dad for your schooling so are still dependent on him.  You can try to talk to him during a moment in which you are getting along and things are calm and just say "I feel really hurt when you say X".  Tell him how hard you are trying.  And as you become independent of him, you can set a boundary.  He either treats you in a way you find appropriate, or you leave.  Minimize contact if need be.  It's sad when it comes to that.  If you can, maybe figuring out your school financing on your own is a helpful answer.  What do people who don't have parents to sign loans do to get school paid for in your country?  In mine, students can take out their own student loans.  They pay them back after they begin working.  So, that would put you in a better position to be free of your dad.  

So, in answer, I don't know if he is abusive or not. But you are almost an adult and out of his control.  Focus on how you are going to get there and what your adult relationship will look like.  good luck
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