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Avatar universal

Just need support

I am in a relationship where every 3 weeks I am punished for being myself. He gets angry, then lashes out on me. This time I could cover the bruises on my face and I cry every time I look in the mirror. Everyone knows but no one will say anything. He makes it hard to leave, he is military retired with PTSD, and when I want to leave and ready he starts with how much he needs me or loves me. This was three days ago... I cant be around men, I am not allowed to have any men on my phone or facebook. I am called attention *****, *****, ****, ext. I am told every day I am not good enough. I need to leave, but I love him and want him to be ok with his issues. I have no friends, everyone thinks he is a stand up guy. He provides for me and I have a good life.. I just …. ;(
5 Responses
Avatar universal
Ok, this is not as tough as it might seem. Where do you live? Don't cover your bruises, go to the police and report that you're being beaten and abused, ask for the abuser to be removed from the house? Do you have a job? If yes- good get separated, if no - find one and get separated.
The way your partner behaves brings up some bad memories and  I know how you feel. He made you feel less than him and by limiting your circle of friends he literally made you his property. I assume you depend on him way too much.
I don't think I even have to say that the things he says - that he loves you and needs you are pure ********. He just feels little insecure as if you leave for sure he won't have his punching bag anymore. And there is a chance when you do leave that he will become even more agressive.
What scares me is this  " He provides for me and I have a good life". Are you trying to say that because of this you don't want to leave? Are you saying that you are so used to having someone providing for you that you don't know how to manage by making your own living? The torment will stop the same second he STOPS giving you money and buying you stuff, once you have your own job, your own money and your own independence things are gonna get different, and you will FOR SURE understand that there is a life without him.
Leave him, now, or you will regret it bitterly.
Avatar universal
This is not a good life that you claim it is, so all the advice above to get out when you can is correct.
It is denial to live like this and focus on what you are claiming are good moments, when you are his punching bag and he will never change. Seek therapy because you need a break from the conditioned acceptance of his behavior before you can see how bad your life is. But leave asap no matter what excuse you can think of to delay because staying is just denial and in the end you will realize this and wish you had lived a real life from now on instead.
19438386 tn?1482747630
Listen to what these ladies are telling you. There is no excuse good enough to stay with this man. Today you have brushes, tomorrow it will be broken bones. Make a plan to leave and stick to it. Who cares if he has PTSD, IF you don't leave now you willing be suffering from more than that.
You are your own person, no one owns you but you, be strong and move on. Being an independent women will make you feel like a queen. Good luck
1 Comments
I forget to ask, Being yourself ,what does that mean and why is it every 3 weeks. Nothing you do is worth a beating of any kind.
3060903 tn?1398565123
Hi there, I'm sorry for your pain. I was in an abusive relationship, i was beaten and threatened that if i ever left with "his" child i would be killed. I believed him and went by myself to a fairgrounds and rode every ride over and over, til i miscarried my first child. The scenario's don't change much. Person's that are afflicted with anger issues, ptsd, bad childhoods what have you, are incapable of empathy and unless they seek help, after admitting they have a problem, will never change and the problems will escalate. His "providing" for you is his way of providing for himself - a women who he can have sexual relations with and hit when he feels like it. This is not love. My first husband did not love. I was upset way back when, because i thought it was me.  He was going to beat (and did) every women he had anything to do with. While i let him get a way with it, and meekly left, the next women called him on it, and had him charged. Only charging a man for hitting a women, will in any way save the next women. I wish i had of charged him, and saved the next women, but thankfully she did charge him, and took his child from him for the abusive sick man he was., so as not to affect the next generation. It's all a person CAN do. So, please, find the strength to get away. I left my first husband, but i took it for many years (7) . I had been groomed all my life to accept abuse, from my mother who stayed with my father who was abusive. I ended up having  a terrible relationship with my mom because of what she accepted for us growing up, though she was a sweet lovable woman. This scenario you've painted is going nowhere but from bad to worse. Please find a women's shelter and start again. They'll help you get started again. My mom ended up leaving after her kids all left home ??? and going back to college when she was 54. She got a job as a secretary in a government office, and then worked her way into Air Ambulance, where they gave her a Manager's job.  I'm not sure of your age, but you haven't mentioned kids. Please get out before you consider having children with a man like that. Yes, my dad had PTSD too. Was in two wars. Everybody thought he was a hero. Everyone but those that really knew him. Please don't harm yourself, any further. And please, please, i'm begging you, don't bring an innocent child into a home like that. Rather go to a therapist yourself and find out why you accept this for yourself, but if you stay, chances are he'll want to trap you with children so it's harder for you to leave. I hope that you save yourself, but if you don't, please do what you have to - to not bring children into this type of life. I'm with a man that would die before he would hit any women. Just as his father wouldn't have ever hit his mother. There are many good men out there, WHY SHOULD YOU SETTLE FOR LESS?

Dont' make the mistake of thinking that you'll be satisfied with your life if you continue to accept this treatment. You'll have nothing but regret the older that you get. I'm here to talk to anytime. You don't have to be alone. There are many women that have gotten out and can relate and help you, and many more that are sending you their love and hoping that you can get where they are, SAFE AND LOVED AND RESPECTED AND CARED FOR. i'm sorry, but you are in denial big time, you are not having a good life because you are being provided for. Welfare can provide for you and then you'd have a chance of meeting someone that is CAPABLE OF LOVING SOMEONE.
973741 tn?1342342773
Hi there.  I just wanted to reach out and see how things are going?  Is there anything we can do to help you?  we're always here to just listen and share ideas with or have a safe place to vent to!!!  You are NOT alone.  
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