Avatar universal

Mentally Abusive Parents: What now?

Hello, I've been here before, and now I'm posting for more advice on my updated situation.
Well, here we go. Let me at first say that my situation is a bit odd, and that may contribute to why its so hard to fix.
My parents have always been abusive to me, and still are. I know that now, and I can try and start healing my wounds because of it, but first I need to get away from them. Though the abuse has been solidly emotional (Verbal harassment etc). As a result, I continue to have no self confidence, no self esteem, some social problems, etc... Which I hope to work out later in my life.
Anyways, my problem now is how to get away from them. I'm a 17 year old MALE, who has been emotionally abused, not so common. I have called the police before, I broke down in tears to the officer when he came, he ended up telling me that I wasn't man enough to live on my own, and that it was my fault if my parents ever treated me badly. I have also tried to explain it to my school councilor, and she doesn't get it at all. She thinks that I'm just another teen with raging horomones who doesn't get along with my parents. She reccomended I see a psycologist, my parents would never take me to one, so thats not an option.
I've looked at emancipation, since in my state you can't just leave when you're 17, you need a court to deem you emancipated or whatnot before you're 18. I have researched this, and it isn't an option for me. You basically need a full time job, and to show that you can take care of yourself. While I'm perfectly capable of living on my own, getting a job is impossible. The problem is, I don't have a car, or my driver's liscence. And I'm sure not going to spend 40 hours in car with one of my parents to get that done, not that they would do it for me anyways, and I still wouldn't have a car. So I'm basically stuck here.
By this point, you're probably thinking "Well, you're almost 18, maybe you could just wait and fix your life after that." While that may be true, lately my parents have been much worse than they have before. I've been in a pretty heavy depression for over 2 weeks and i'm getting desperate..
What do I to cope? Well i don't take it out on others, and I don't do drugs...per se. I used to use my computer, where I made some friends online, and talk about my problem. Plus distractions from real life with games and whatnot, I was actually doing okay, but that reprieve is gone now, and I'm alone and depressed.
I don't have any relatives or friends that I could stay with, but something was brought to my attention recently. One of these friends I've met online feels so bad that she has offered me refuge at her place so I could get away from my parents. I could turn my life around there, start healing and saving money for college with a job. And no, its not a love relationship. Although, after doing some research, I found that there are several problems with this solution. First of all, If I leave without my parents consent (they would never give consent for this, even though they hate me), they could file a runaway (as I live in Georgia) and have me brought back home, as well as my friend being charged with harboring a minor. Another problem is that she lives about 7 states away, and while I could probably get enough money to buy a plane ticket, or maybe take a train (I haven't looked into that yet), I'm fairly certain that I wouldn't be able to travel on my own without parental consent. And I know running away from my parents to live with someone I met on the internet (and have known for about 9 months) sounds crazy and irrational. But like I said, I'm desperate, and I'm at rock bottom right now, so I don't see how it could be any worse: I've got nothing to lose, and to keep my sanity, I need to try. She is 19 by the way, and while I know people can lie about their identities and whatnot easily on the internet, I seriously doubt that she's not genuine. I'm an overly cautious person, and I've heard her voice. It would be a move motivated by faith in my time of need.

So basically, I guess I'm wondering: What can I do? It seems to me that I'm stuck in a pothole, and I really don't think I'll be able to stick it out until I'm 18.

I appreciate the time you've taken to read this, and keep in mind that I'm a 17 year old male with your responses, and emotional abuse is much harder to prove than physical. I'll gladly clear up any confusion, as I have hurried with this post, as I am using my parents computer while they are gone.
7 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
750172 tn?1256147076
That's true what margy said.  Although you still have emotional issues over continually having to tell friends no.  You now have more than just the option to have friends over.  Even if you don't like sporting events, start going to the school events.  If that's not your "style" there should be a number of other school groups or activities you can join.  As I said b4, I guarantee you there are other kids in a similar situation as yours looking for friends also!  keep hunting for jobs.  Alot of jobs come open in the summer as well.  Depending on the size of the community your in...there's always lawn guys looking for extra summer help, lifegaurding (the classes are easy and are offered by the red cross and usually YMCA's to get trained).

You will be able to overcome your current situation, just don't give up.  
Check out this website...it's for the state of Georgia and you can fill in your city.  It's a list of afforadable housing for those who qualify...
Helpful - 0
535822 tn?1443976780
Yes I can see being yelled at for wanting friends in the house  would put you off but you arent a young kid now you can meet freinds at a coffee house or other meeting places, do you play any sports , outside activities, cycling, thats a good way to meet other young people,keep on the job search,you have to be persistant ,hobbies projects..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm a loner because when I was little, my parents always yelled at me when I wanted to have friends over, so eventually, i just stopped asking them and just telling friends no. They view this as me not wanting them to be around, so they just stop talking to me. Thats why.

I applied to get a job at every place within walking distance 2 months ago, I never got a response.
Helpful - 0
750172 tn?1256147076
I know how difficult and trapped you can feel.  While I suffered every type of abuse the result is still the same.  You see no end to this vicious cycle your in.  If you're like me, your parents probably haven't guided you or taught you anything about taking care of yourself. (money management skills, social skills, jobs) This can make you feel overwhelmed at the thought of starting out on your own.  How long until you turn 18?  Start looking for a job now.  When you feel out your resumes just let them know you can't start until your 18.  Can you find anything close to your house, withing walking distance.  Depending on where you live in Georgia you can find low-income housing.
I'm sure you feel like you can't live another day with all of this but, YOU CAN.  You've lasted this long hang in there until you can leave.  You're doing great things by searching out people who can help.  You've got to distract yourself from the abuse any way you can.  No that whatever they're saying to you isn't true!

Start making your plans now, that way the day you turn 18 you can walk out of that situation forever.  Even just having a plan of action for when you turn 18, will help you feel better now.  Know it won't last forever and you can survive.

Try reaching out to people first.  There's probably more people in a similar situation to yours than you realize. Kids in your school even.
Helpful - 0
535822 tn?1443976780
About being a loner,many books have been written about this you could do with reading about it ,is it because you are shy when it comes to talking to others? Being a good listener always works, , perhaps you will have to make some contacts yourself not wait for them to make the first move.Maybe you will have to Endure till you can get away ,once you are 18 you can make plans, get some work to support your self.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well the thing is, I turn 18 in october, but I still wouldnt have the means to support myself, and I'd have to wait until summer for college to really get away.

And yes, they're both abusive.

And like I said, I don't really havs any friends. Im socially awkward, Im a loner at school..
Helpful - 0
535822 tn?1443976780
I am sorry you are having such a hard time,you didnt give us an indication of how the verbal abuse was ,what it entailed... I guess you know what I am going to tell you, it is ,Endure, bide your time ,when you are 18 you can do whatever it is you want to do, so till then put up with your life, Endure any insults,distract yourself with projects ,school, friends . stay out of the way of the abuser,are they both abusive?You can stay in contact with your new friend but wait till you are 18 to decide what you are going to do..  
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.