My sisters abused me

[scared3571]

I have 2 half sisters, one who is 4 years older then me and the other who is 5 years older.

Since a young age they have always ganged up on me and hit me- but my parents obviously stopped them and kept a eye on them. I remember once when they locked me in a suitcase and threw it down the stairs, and another time when walking the dog my eldest sister kind of strangled me, she grabbed my neck with 1 hand really hard and I struggled to breath until i kicked her away.


But mainly what I'm worried about if my middle sister. When I was 7, and she was 11 we shared a room and once she dry humped me and told me it was a fun game. I didn't understand what was going on, she always told me it was "our special thing" this carried on till I was around 10, so she was 14. Sometimes it would go a bit far and I would shout at her to stop and she would leave me alone and soon I threatened to tell someone about "our special thing" so she left me alone
I knew she didnt want me to tell, i didnt know why it would was so bad to tell.



I'm now 14, and last year after sex ed classes at school, and PSE. In once lesson our teacher breifly said how if we were pregnant we wouldnt get judge and we should see a nurse e.c.t we were then told how everything we tell a doctor is confidential- but if we mentioned to one of the school nurses about any abuse it would be reported, in this lesson I learnt really how what my sister was doing was very wrong. That year all my grades went low, and I didnt finish any of my exams.

This year, although still very unsure weather what happened to me was sexual abuse, she was only 11 when it started? I'm confused and dont know what to do. But I think I have more come to terms what happened to me although that hasnt made anything better. In a lesson this year I lost it- I shouted at the teacher and stormed out the lesson, I later said it was because I was dyspraxic and my exams were bad and made up a number of reasons why I was upset. So now I have seen a child therapist who thinks I have Aspergers Syndrome, for reasons such as

my massive fear of the dark
Being a loner and having no social skills
struggling in exams
being extremely paranoid
and not letting anyone hug me or touch me. I scream and full on attack anyone who goes near my personal space.

But I think maybe all these symptoms could be cause by the abuse. I just dont know, I'm only 14 and I'm confused and dont know what to do or how to handle anything that is going on.

[scared3571]

Thanks for all the support :)

I think maybe because I'm the little one, and me being only their half sister it could have something to do with their real dad.

My mum always told me, she divorced him because he was mean to her and made her feel bad. From what I have been told, he has his own family now- only sees my sisters around once every 2 years. I also know he may have been a bad influence (he once said to my eldest sister when she wanted this hat just to put in her bag and walk out the store) both my sisters have been caught shoplifting before.

I only think they were mean to me was sometimes for a laugh (blocking a door, so I'm trapped in a room. Both leaving me in a room without telling me their was a rat in their. Scaring me for no apparent reason but to laugh at my reaction) Or if they were angry, I was clumsy and broke some things so they would get mad. They put me in the suitcase after I swore at them because they hit me when I broke a flower pot.
What I think, is they just took out all anger they had with the divorce on me. My older sister is a youth leader now, she runs a brownies and she is happy and engaged- she hasnt hit me or hurt me since she met her fiance. I even spent a weak at her house with her and her fiance and apart from 1 argument the whole weak was fine and she didnt even hurt me at all. her boyfriend is actually dyspraxic, like me! Which I was shocked by- I think she confides alot in him so now she hasnt got any anger.
As for my other sister, she wants to be a primary school teacher (and writing this I realise that sounds completely awful and I need to stop it) but I believe everything that happened when I was younger is in the past, especially with they sisters. I really do think, I was a punching bag for them and they wont do it to other people. They have both done baby sitting jobs and kids have always said can they baby sit again and the parents have always been happy and hired them again. Both of them are really great with children...I just think they had a hatred against me. I even think one of them has tried to make it up to me the number of times she has bought me presents and taken me to the cinema and even paid for a trip to pleasure island for me and friends with her birthday money.

I also had alot of occupational therapy, it helped alot with using a knife and fork but buttons are still hard. I also had speach therapy because they thought I had verbal dyspraxia (so no co-ordination between my brain and voice box) but turned out I was just shy and didnt like talking.

[specialmom]

Oh sweetie, I feel for you.  You are not a small, weird freak.  Don't call yourself that!  

So, you do have dyspraxia.  Often sensory integration disorder (which dyspraxia is part of/ the motor planning system is part of the nervous/sensory system) over laps with other issues such as autism and aspergers.  My son has had different areas of struggle and we've done occupational therapy to help him.  We work a lot on social skills which is a hallmark sign of not only aspergers but also sensory.  Kids with sensory also have social skills issues.  Your lack of friends and ability to socialize makes my heart hurt for you.  I wish I could swoop in there and help you with that.  Practice!!  That helps.

What I'm worried about is not so much your sister getting in trouble but that you have emotional distress over this.  These things stick around for a lifetime if we don't address them.  If you have some mental health issues----  I would try to see if your parents will allow you to see a therapist.  Then you can express to the therapist that the abuse has stopped and you just want to discuss it to help you cope.  The abuse was years ago but it still bothers you and maybe that will be kept confidential. It is mandatory to report for current abuse.  You are talking about past experiences you've had.  A bit different.  You shouldn't try to figure out how to deal with it alone.

And I do worry that your sister/s have access to others to torment and abuse.  You are out of the loop now, but do they have access to any younger children??  Now, that is something to consider because I'd guess something happened to your sister at one point, she hasn't dealt with it and hence, abused you.  And that could continue.  

I get that you don't want to be an outcast in your family.  But someday, you will want them to know the h-ell you went through by these sisters of yours.  They hurt you physically and emotionally.  Not okay.  NOT okay.

I wish you well and wish I could help get you to someone that will listen and support you.  I wish that could be your mother.  Why do you think your sisters would do that to you?  What happened in their life to make them so cruel and . . . evil (putting you in a suitcase??).  ?

[scared3571]

I know I need to tell someone, but I just cant. I'm terrified of people, always have been- I dont really have any friends I cant talk to people. (which is mainly for the reason for everyone thinking I have aspergers)

I did mean dyspraxia, I was diagnosed with severe dyspraxia when I was 8. It always caused me trouble at school because I struggle to wright quickly- and I was clumsy and couldnt get changed for p.e. I was banned from D.T after I broke a machine and broke someones finger, i spend alot of time in learning support. So when I was having that bad day I just said everything was going wrong (motor skills wise) and I was frustrated.  I mainly struggle with fine motor (shoe laces! still cant do them...) and I used to have no balance but i had physiotherapy until i was 10 so it isnt so bad anymore.

even if I told now no one would believe me. The abuse stopped when I was 11. And both my sisters would stick together and say I was lying. Then my mum would hate me! My mum is a christian methodist minister, if she didn't believe me she would be disappointed and accuse me of breaking the 9th commandment. if my family found out I know for definite no one would be on my side- i'm the small weird freak, the one would still sleeps with a light on cant do their shoe laces and eats banana on pizza. And if they dont disown me I will only be sent to be assessed sooner and probably be told I have some mental illness.

[allmymarbles]

Now that you know what's what, it is extremely unlikely that your half sisters will bother you any more. You have something to hold over their heads. So the abuse should be more or less done with. What is not resolved, however, is the effect it has had on you.

First you must think the thing through so that you understand what was happening, both to you and to your half sisters. As to your not wanting to tell your parents and get your sisters in trouble, I wonder if you are thinking that it would only stir things up, throw the family in turmoil, and take over your life. It would, of course. So that is the dilemma. It would be helpful if you could speak to a therapist confidentially, but given your age, I do not know if that is possible. Let us know if I have hit on the problem.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, first of all, your term of dyspraxic is wrong and maybe you mean depressed?  Dyspraxia is a developmental delay that revolves around praxis which is motor planning (my son has this delay).  

I will only say that you need to seek some help.  You are talking to strangers on the internet which is risky in and of itself at 14.  

What are you afraid of happening if anyone knows your sisters abused you physically or the one who was sexual with you?  Most likely your sister that was sexual with you was also sexually abused as child on child molestation is what happens when that is the case very often.  She may very well need help too.  

You'd rather be diagnosed with aspergers than let the cat out of the bag that you were abused?  If that factors into the situation at all, you are doing yourself and your parents a great disservice by not being honest.  If you were evaluated for aspergers and determined to have it, intervention will begin.  How are you going to keep the truth from coming out then?  

Everyone will be upset if the truth comes out later and you never shared.  You hear of that all the time and then people (not all but some) might not believe you because you took so long to tell.  

Being sexually abused is confusing.  It creates sensation for the person abused as well and lots of mind games are played.  But not telling isn't the answer.  And if your sister does it to someone else-----  you'd have been in a position to offer your sister help rather than to allow it to continue.

So, you need to tell.  And you need to address this with real people that can help you rather than strangers on the internet.  goodluck

[scared3571]

Thanks for the advice and support, but the last thing I want to do is tell my therapist, I'm worried about what would happen- what if he told my parents I'm just scared of what would happen if I told anyone I know.
Also, he was only a therapist that was collecting information for me to be assessed next year by someone else. I no longer see him and annoyingly I dont want to get my sisters in trouble.

[LyakGarcia]

tell your therapist about all this, it didn't happen because you wanted so its not your fault, your half sisters will get therapy too and hopefully you 3 will be able to finally understand each other and get along, best of luck <3