honey, when i read your post earlier today, i couldnt stop crying because ive been exactly where you are now.. and it's horrible and not something anyone deserves. I'm 38 now but remember like yesterday the same kind of abuse you described. in my situation, however, my mother was the abuser and my father was the spineless worm that let it go on. please remember & tell yourself this will not be your life forever and NONE of this abuse in any way is your fault!!! your father is a sick person and needs serious help immediately... your mother needs to get you out of this situation and get some help herself. both of your parents love you, but i know it must be hard to believe sometimes. try to find an activity (walking, running, drawing, playing music, writing stories & poetry) where you can release some of the negativity & stress you're experiencing and help your depression. you are a bright, special, beautiful person that deserves love & respect NO MATTER WHAT. be strong, be kind & be yourself. Goodness will always win in the end! all my love goes out to you.
If he is physically hitting you, you can call 911..the police will come and arrest him. Its against the law for him to hit you. I know you will proably say I cant call the police cause we live here and how will we be supported? Your mom is also under the curse of his abuse and is probably afraid to say anything to him. The fact he hit you in the head and you are having memory problems is a serious concern. You must talk to your Mom and a counselor... You are right you cannot kill yourself...find other things to do, a hobby outside the house, can you go to a friends after school? or after dinner to study? I agree with the above poster to find a hobby and try to get out of the house as much as you can when your dad is around. If you cannot get out, then try to avoid him as much as you can, even if it means staying in your room. Ive been there, honey, and staying in your room or getting out of the house will work. Try not to engage in any conversation with your dad that you think might set him off. Remember, you will be able to get out of this situation ...think about and plan for your college..perhaps go away to college. You also have a school psychologist you can talk to or can you see one in your health care and have your mom take you to a counselor. Its not you that really needs the counselor, its your dad. Hes very sick in his thinking. Can you talk to your mom about it and tell her how much he is hurting you? You said she loves him, but she also loves YOU. Tell her you have been hit by him. If you end up in the ER again, TELL them your father did this to you, but you know they will send the police to question him...so that may be out cause you live at the house. Honey pray and ask God to protect you, read Psalm 91, the Living Bible version..or a version you can understand. And plan your future to be able to move out. Is there an aunt or relative you could stay with?