I went out for drinks after work Friday afternoon. I didn't eat, but had about six drinks. While I was feeling the effects of the booze, I didn't feel completely wasted. A colleague dropped me off at the train station about 10pm and the night gets fragmented from there on in.
I don't remember boarding the train. I don't remember much of the journey at all. Totally blacked out. The last thing I remember is coming back to consciousness on the train and there's a guy sitting opposite me. I vaguely remember talking to him but do recall looking at the map and saying, "this is my stop".
My partner said I didn't arrive home until 2:00am, even though my journey should have taken approx 30 mins. I arrived home without my tights or underwear on. Just my dress, polo jumper and boots.
I've missed 3-4 hours of the night with no recollection of what happened to the time that passed and my clothing. I know rape sounds likely, but the only thing keeping me from fully believing I was raped was that I had a tampon in and it was still there when I got home, I didn't have any bruising or marks on my body neither.
When I got home, my boyfriend said I was disorientated and went straight to bed. He said he checked me down below and there wasnt bodily fluids or anything of the sort.
The thing is, I have no idea what happened to me. It could be possible that I fell asleep on the train and ended up going to the end destination and back (explaining the loss of time). I could have also wet myself while blackout and took my tights as underwear off somewhere? What do you think the possible outcome is? Surely if I was raped there would be a disturbance to my tampon or I would be experiencing/showcasing some sort of symptoms?
Opinions? I feel horrible and will never, ever put myself in such a vulnerable position again. I arrived home with everything else.... bar the missing clothing.... I don't know what to think.