SLEEPING W/MOM STILL

[teachmeplz]

My sons 8 and 10 are very scared of the dark. No matter how hard I try they want to sleep with me. They want a bunch of nite lights when I try to put them in their rooms. One kid will annoy the other all night. I have hollar and told them the importance of being way too old. Sometimes they end up in my bed in the middle of the night. I have stressed out to exhaustion. I give up sometimes. They just want to be with their moma. I know its wierd. I have a king size bed and Im single. They need their own space though and so do I. They have seen physical and know the mental abuse from the father directed towards me and who knows how many others. Ive been scared too a long time ago for them to sleep alone. I was always the type to get up and down to check on them at night when they were babies. Can anyone tell me what I have done wrong? Any Advice? When they were toddlers they showed a whole lot of separation anxiety. What is going on with my children?

[finallyamommy2003]

Hi there. I don't think nothing is wrong with you sleeping with your son. My opinion is that if you feel uncomfortable that you should have them sleeping in there own rooms. If possible can you split up the two boys. Have each one have there own room for a while. Then if they don't like being alone maybe they will ask to be put back in the same room.

When it comes to making a child sleep in their own room. Its not easy.. and not fun at first. It is really hard. Our daughter  slept with us as I had surgery and couldn't lift her as she was over 15 pounds at three month. Hubby and I got in a habit to just put her in bed with us. It turned out that all she wanted to do at 6 months was eat all night.  I put her in her own room in a crib. Thank goodness that my hubby worked with me and didn't really fight my decision. He didn't like her crying. I let him try it his way of going in and comforting her every time she cried and then we tried my way of just letting her cry. It was hard. I think it was the hardest thing I did.... Hearing her cry and know that all she wanted was me to hold.... After 45 minutes she fell asleep. Then every night after she would cry for about 5 minutes. I talked to the Dr and he stated that it would be better for everyone.

The difference is that your by your self. That makes it easier as you don't have to speak to anyone else about what they think. You set you mind on the night. And encourage the boys that its time that they are big boys now. Give rewards that they and you would enjoy.

Hope this helps...
don't know what I;'m going to do now... I'm having a baby boy in sept. We are in a smaller house and the baby will be in our room. He will have his own crib... But you never know what will happen....

[therese83]

It is just getting to the age now where they should not sleep with you.  You feel this that is why you posted.  Be firm , start on a Friday night.  You can still check them in their rooms, reassure them.

Or give a reward after 2 weeks of sleeping in theri own beds, make a tick chart.  They are still young enough for that.

[Jaybay]

You mention you need and want your own space, and I think you're right.  Margypops nailed the solution.  You're going to have some sleepless nights tugging the boys back to their respective beds for awhile, but if you stick to it you'll eventually have your room back to yourself.

It's going to be difficult for the boys to learn independence after all this time, which is partly what this exercise is all about.  Give them the power to determine what lights they want to leave on at night.  Even if they stay up a while goofing off at night due to the novelty, the deal is they stay in their own beds and talk quietly so as not to disturb you.  

Do they like to read?  Maybe you could start back at Parenting 101 and make bedtime a reading ritual.  Let them choose the book (library outings are a great family event too!).  Set yourself up a comfy chair in their room, tuck them in and read aloud for 20 or 30 minutes.  Then it's quiet and sleep time.  Make the ritual clear to them ahead of time so they know what to expect.

They are going to test your will thoroughly, so get ready to redirect them back to bed as many times as it takes for them to learn that you're serious.  Hollering doesn't work.  You have to physically get up and steer them back to their beds.  Do not engage in chatter or arguments with them.  Just put them back.  Talking to them after "lights out" only keeps them stimulated and awake.  You'll have to keep yourself calm so you don't lose your temper or break down in tears and give up.  Not easy, I know.  My mom always advised never to get into an argument with a child because you'll lose every time.  I think she was right.  LOL!

[happywifey]

Everytime its storms up until the age of about um 16/17 I always slept by my parents on the floor of their bedroom, or in the livingroom with the lights on, I thinks its okay for your boys to cuddle up next to their momma =)

[kittycat1433]

It is normal i think all of my kid's slept with me my 8 yr. old son sleep's on my floor in my room and yes he has a room and my 3yr. old is still in the bed with me so don't feel like the lone ranger my last husband was very abusive.If your kid's are still seeing your husband/boyfriend lash out then i would seek some help and try to get away from him,yes i know that is easier said then done.

[margypops]

I dont think you have done anything wrong at all ,you have done the best you can, this comes up a lot, here is my opinion, many parents allow their children to sleep with them , in Europe it is very common,I feel it is a choice if it works and everyone is doing well ,go for it. It usually solves itself when they hit puberty annd want privacy ...If you want to change it ,you have to be firm and consistant with both of them , you tell them its time they had their own bed,then you do not let them into your bed ,if they try to come in at bed time you say No and lead them out of your room into their own. they wont like it at first but if you stick to the rule they will accept it,  if they dont like the dark, let them have some light, its also a way of tugging at a moms heart strings, making her feel guilty..Good luck, they and you will sleep better ,kids do like to crash around .