Sexual abuse

[twin770]

When I was 10 years old, I was sexually abused by my younger cousin that I see almost every day and did at the time as we lived in the same house. When it eventually stopped (after a few months) I started sleeping on a mattress on my grandmothers floor because I was too scared to sleep beside him. ( my grandmother at the time had a partner and my parents house consisted of verbal abuse being thrown back and forth from each other ) this continued for some time and I began to ‘forget’ what had happened. When I went into secondary school, the memories from those nights effectef every day as I could no longer ‘forget’ what happened. I began self harming. My peers, that are still my friends today, found out. Most of my friends also had metal illnesses I was unaware about at the time and it made me feel worse for doing it... I felt full of guilt as they now had to deal with my problem (I never told them why I started and they respected that). Pain killers also became a progressing problem and I began taking a relatives anti-depressants to help me ‘forget’... it seemed to work for the year I continued this and then a friend found the pills in my bag and threatened to tell the vice-principal. I freaked out and told her I’d stop (I still didn’t tell her why) but I never did. There were other bad habits I’ve picked up since then to stop taking pills ( I’ve been 8 months clean and counting ). Suicide attempts were also present in the years I’ve been in secondary school. This was a time I decided to ask for help, so I went to the school councilor. He wasn’t much help and after 2/3 sessions, he stopped calling me from class. (This happened last year(2017)) I don’t know what I should do and need someone’s advice. Although I know the boy who did this to me will not get punished. A slap on the hand is about as much as I expect, but can anyone help me... it’s urgent

[specialmom]

I'm really sorry this happened.  What kind of family support do you have?  It sounds like not much.  Will your mom back you up and be on your side?  Also, would she consider a true psychologist for you to see?