Aa
Suicide
I have suffered from physical and emotional abuse when I was a child. Then, I got older and was mentally abused so bad that I cried and cried begging this person to stop. They con't and I finally decided I could not take it any longer. I have tried to commit suicide several times. Matter of fact, I just came home from the hospital a couple of days ago. I can not seem to let go of the abuse I have suffered and still are. When I come home from the hospital I found out that my family had decided not to have anything to do with me just because I did NOT allow visitors -- there was only 1 person that could see me. Am I not allowed to do this? Sounds like trying to "control" me. What do you think? They wanted to have me committed plus ....... People just do not understand when they have not been in your shoes!! Yes, I am angry and need a place to vent!
This thread from pdr is 9 months old , I havent seen her doing any of the forums for a while ,you may be able to PM her with your Post information,
Suicide issues and abuse issues:
You need to realize one thing. You come from a dysfunctional family. They don't put your best interests first. Your family turned their backs on you because they lost control over you while you were in the hospital, and wern't allowed to see you. Be it your doctor's decision, or yours, this was your right. And you deserve your privacy when you need and want it. They were only thinking of themselves. They were probably fearing that you would disclose any family secrets they don't want known.
Here, they have lost control over you because the abuse has bubbled up to the surface in your memories. Now is your turn to let it be known what happened to you, as and whenever you remember it. You owe them nothing. You owe yourself everything.
As I have experienced, not all people are able to even listen to what you have to say. Either they can't deal with even the most miniscule information in the beginning, because they can't relate to it, or you, or they are very shallow minded and simply don't want to be told anything, even when they asked. You will know immediately by their response. Just let go of the subject as soon as they give you their message that they can't listen to you.
I have also been through several suicide attempts. I understand the depth of pain you are in at these times. While it has been over many years, I have still experienced the desire when I have been under a great deal of stress. Rather than act on it, do your best to call Crisis or your mental health provider for somebody there who will listen and understand and also be able to assess your need for emergency help if needed. When thinking about suicide, we are actually not thinking in our right minds. We need somebody to talk to us, to give us the opportunity to voice the pain we are experiencing. This awful pain we are feeling at the time will pass. Death is final. It is a tragic way out and solves nothing by itself except to finalize your very worthy and cared about life. You do not deserve to die for what your family did to you! You are a suvivor. Now is time for you to reclaim your life, to take back your power and use it to help yourself get better with the best counseling you can get. And if you need medication, take it to help your mood stabilize so that you can then tackle your issues at hand.
Many of us have been abused in our childhoods, and still experience abuse. This is why we need to learn that we don't need those people who hurt us growing up, and what to expect from people today in treating us in a healthy, loving, and respectful way. There are good people in this world. You and I and many abused victims are among them. We do not have to allow anybody to abuse us further. We owe them nothing.
Even when they threaten to withhold your education money, let them. It is their cruelty. You can and will finish your education through grants, loans, scholarships, and money given to colleges to help finance educations such as you are experiencing., and you may also need to get a part-time job. You need to talk to your college counselor.
If you don't want to return to your parent's home, for their need to visit you, don't. You can initiate a go-between solution where they meet you in public, take you out to dinner, say. This way, they must control their behavior. If they don't, you are free to get up and leave. If that is not agreeable to them then let them do without you. Your time is very valuable to you now and you can choose who you share it with. If they can't handle it, so be it. They can go into a corner and stomp their feet, threaten, cry, beg, whatever. The choice is YOURS. You don't need to give them permission to control you another second.
And, there are many of us who have experienced child abuse through adult. We understand what you are going through. You are free to vent any of your feelings. It is better to get it out than hold it in. We are here, we are listening, we care very much.
K
You need to realize one thing. You come from a dysfunctional family. They don't put your best interests first. Your family turned their backs on you because they lost control over you while you were in the hospital, and wern't allowed to see you. Be it your doctor's decision, or yours, this was your right. And you deserve your privacy when you need and want it. They were only thinking of themselves. They were probably fearing that you would disclose any family secrets they don't want known.
Here, they have lost control over you because the abuse has bubbled up to the surface in your memories. Now is your turn to let it be known what happened to you, as and whenever you remember it. You owe them nothing. You owe yourself everything.
As I have experienced, not all people are able to even listen to what you have to say. Either they can't deal with even the most miniscule information in the beginning, because they can't relate to it, or you, or they are very shallow minded and simply don't want to be told anything, even when they asked. You will know immediately by their response. Just let go of the subject as soon as they give you their message that they can't listen to you.
I have also been through several suicide attempts. I understand the depth of pain you are in at these times. While it has been over many years, I have still experienced the desire when I have been under a great deal of stress. Rather than act on it, do your best to call Crisis or your mental health provider for somebody there who will listen and understand and also be able to assess your need for emergency help if needed. When thinking about suicide, we are actually not thinking in our right minds. We need somebody to talk to us, to give us the opportunity to voice the pain we are experiencing. This awful pain we are feeling at the time will pass. Death is final. It is a tragic way out and solves nothing by itself except to finalize your very worthy and cared about life. You do not deserve to die for what your family did to you! You are a suvivor. Now is time for you to reclaim your life, to take back your power and use it to help yourself get better with the best counseling you can get. And if you need medication, take it to help your mood stabilize so that you can then tackle your issues at hand.
Many of us have been abused in our childhoods, and still experience abuse. This is why we need to learn that we don't need those people who hurt us growing up, and what to expect from people today in treating us in a healthy, loving, and respectful way. There are good people in this world. You and I and many abused victims are among them. We do not have to allow anybody to abuse us further. We owe them nothing.
Even when they threaten to withhold your education money, let them. It is their cruelty. You can and will finish your education through grants, loans, scholarships, and money given to colleges to help finance educations such as you are experiencing., and you may also need to get a part-time job. You need to talk to your college counselor.
If you don't want to return to your parent's home, for their need to visit you, don't. You can initiate a go-between solution where they meet you in public, take you out to dinner, say. This way, they must control their behavior. If they don't, you are free to get up and leave. If that is not agreeable to them then let them do without you. Your time is very valuable to you now and you can choose who you share it with. If they can't handle it, so be it. They can go into a corner and stomp their feet, threaten, cry, beg, whatever. The choice is YOURS. You don't need to give them permission to control you another second.
And, there are many of us who have experienced child abuse through adult. We understand what you are going through. You are free to vent any of your feelings. It is better to get it out than hold it in. We are here, we are listening, we care very much.
K
Wow! I am so happy you posted on this thread. You are full of helpful information that I feel many readers can look into on their own behalfs. Not even I knew about the legal help for those on disability. I will do more research on this. Thanks. Also, the advice you gave pookyx is excellent and I hope that she will follow your lead. She has everything to lose by not, and everything to gain by doing so. K
To the original poster,
Suicide is never a solution to a problem. Please talk about this to a medical professional, per se, a psychiatrist.
Be strong and remember that there is help out there.
Best,
Albrando Lucino
Suicide is never a solution to a problem. Please talk about this to a medical professional, per se, a psychiatrist.
Be strong and remember that there is help out there.
Best,
Albrando Lucino
If you are disabled check out your State on the internet for Rights of the Disabled( may be listed as Protection and Advocacy Services for the Disabled). I ran across this recently and they have an office in DC. It is a site that you can contact to protect your rights. I would contact them right away. They will investigate, according to the info listed, within 7 days. I think they list a phone number. There are federal laws covering your rights. The officers just might get a reality check. The law really frowns on abuse of the disabled. The police won't honor the protective order the Judge signed off on, the safe house for abused women kicks you out, put down every name you can. They will even help you with legal representation. Tell them you are scared he will kill you if you don't get help. He injured your back and you are already disabled.
You said everything was in your name because of his credit being bad. The deed on your house, is it only in your name? Your vehicles registered in only your name? If it is your house and your cars, you can keep him out and sue him for damages. I would put up a no trespassing sign in the yard. He is not suppose to be near you. I would go straight to the magistrate and tell him how the police refused to honor the Protective Order. If it was once or twice however many times since the order and how many times you called them. Get your records from the hospital. They should give you copies.
If it isn't in force still, get another one.If he comes again call the police, when they give you the same old bull, ask them for their name and badge number. If they only give the badge number that will work. If you have a neighbor that is a friend ask if they would come over when the police comes, so you have a witness as to what they say. They make pocket size recorders that are voice sensitive. Good way to record whatever you feel will help, whether it is your husband or someone else. If you can tape him threatening you, even on the phone do it. It may not be used in court, but thats okay, it will still help. Go around with a camera and take pictures of everything, especially if your husband is standing in your yard or house. If the police is standing by him great.
I know when there is a protective order taken you have to go in front of the Judge after it is taken out to decide to drop it or keep it, at least in Virginia they do it that way. Keep all of your records and notes together in a folder, in a safe place. You get in front of the Judge show him every thing you have and tell him everything.
You can divorce him and he can't stop it. You can also put in your separation to have him pay the bills, even take care of you and make him pay the attorney fees. It depends on your state but you can do more with him beating you instead of just a regular no fault divorce. Since the credit is yours that has bought everything in your house, get lists from your creditors, showing you are the owner.
Virginia has a Fault Divorce,Bed & Board, and Final Divorce. He could end up paying to take care of you a long time. The Advocacy can even see to it you have legal counsel. I hope this information helps. Call the State Police and ask them if you called them to enforce a protection order would they come. If they say yes, forget the local and call the State. If he knows the police won't do anything, there is nothing to stop him. I wish you the best. Do keep us all informed on how you are doing. RJ
You said everything was in your name because of his credit being bad. The deed on your house, is it only in your name? Your vehicles registered in only your name? If it is your house and your cars, you can keep him out and sue him for damages. I would put up a no trespassing sign in the yard. He is not suppose to be near you. I would go straight to the magistrate and tell him how the police refused to honor the Protective Order. If it was once or twice however many times since the order and how many times you called them. Get your records from the hospital. They should give you copies.
If it isn't in force still, get another one.If he comes again call the police, when they give you the same old bull, ask them for their name and badge number. If they only give the badge number that will work. If you have a neighbor that is a friend ask if they would come over when the police comes, so you have a witness as to what they say. They make pocket size recorders that are voice sensitive. Good way to record whatever you feel will help, whether it is your husband or someone else. If you can tape him threatening you, even on the phone do it. It may not be used in court, but thats okay, it will still help. Go around with a camera and take pictures of everything, especially if your husband is standing in your yard or house. If the police is standing by him great.
I know when there is a protective order taken you have to go in front of the Judge after it is taken out to decide to drop it or keep it, at least in Virginia they do it that way. Keep all of your records and notes together in a folder, in a safe place. You get in front of the Judge show him every thing you have and tell him everything.
You can divorce him and he can't stop it. You can also put in your separation to have him pay the bills, even take care of you and make him pay the attorney fees. It depends on your state but you can do more with him beating you instead of just a regular no fault divorce. Since the credit is yours that has bought everything in your house, get lists from your creditors, showing you are the owner.
Virginia has a Fault Divorce,Bed & Board, and Final Divorce. He could end up paying to take care of you a long time. The Advocacy can even see to it you have legal counsel. I hope this information helps. Call the State Police and ask them if you called them to enforce a protection order would they come. If they say yes, forget the local and call the State. If he knows the police won't do anything, there is nothing to stop him. I wish you the best. Do keep us all informed on how you are doing. RJ
If you want more responses, post with "post a question" above. Your post is kind of buried here.
Please wite back and let us know how your are. We are thinking about you, of course.
Best,
Anna
Please wite back and let us know how your are. We are thinking about you, of course.
Best,
Anna
I will answer you here as you came for some help and feedback and thats what the Abuse Forum is all about , Did the police say they couldnt investigate it wasnt him breaking in, I always thought that if a crime was reported that they had to take fingerprints etc, so I am at a loss as to why they would say that to you , especially as you have a protective order, I can imagine you feel bad about it, I will re read your original post but I am imagining that you hvwe had a lawyer, can you contact him and ask why this is allowed to happen,
I am sorry you are having to go through with this situation.
I do not think it fits with the original subject "suicide" though
Maybe if you posted by yourself you may get some response back
I do not think it fits with the original subject "suicide" though
Maybe if you posted by yourself you may get some response back
I am back, I went out of town to try and find a place to live to get away from him and get job applications. I called the home security people to double check to make sure all was ok before I left, but when I got back, he had broken in my home, two of my windows are busted. My car is scratched. Some of my items are gone. But the cops say nothing they can or will do, no proof, they have sided with him throughout the whole time. I am so fed up with this. It seems like this is a no win situation, I got a protective order, but it does no good, all it did was give him more reason to not help with the bills he built up.
Ask your therapist about group, expecially a group for survivors right now. I think that this would help you. I wish you could tell your family that you will take only love and acceptance from them right now.
There are therapies for all you have suffered. I think that group would help you greatly, so that you could heal, and expact contacts with others. Through relationships and even work sometimes, we get to know our talents and our inner beauty.
Of course, you need to exercise caution, also.
There are therapies for all you have suffered. I think that group would help you greatly, so that you could heal, and expact contacts with others. Through relationships and even work sometimes, we get to know our talents and our inner beauty.
Of course, you need to exercise caution, also.
I think that the only thing that can save us is love. That is why I am an educator. My teachers loved me and saved me. Now I teach my students about ideas that can buil theur lives, and help them.
I meant to say I had to leave my family at 20, not 39.
Thanks for your caring. I worry that my efforts to secure my financil future are so difficult, but the reason I fear not having enough money, is that I am afraid that this will give others the opportunity to abuse me again. That I will be like a child again, I have lost the sight in one eye, due to medical negligence, in the last ywR. iT HAS MADE MY LIFE MORE DIFFICULT.
I tell myself that I am still me, and that is good for me to hear. I HAVE NOT REALLY CHANGED. mY SOUL AND MY SPIRIT ARE THE SAME.
I meant to say I had to leave my family at 20, not 39.
Thanks for your caring. I worry that my efforts to secure my financil future are so difficult, but the reason I fear not having enough money, is that I am afraid that this will give others the opportunity to abuse me again. That I will be like a child again, I have lost the sight in one eye, due to medical negligence, in the last ywR. iT HAS MADE MY LIFE MORE DIFFICULT.
I tell myself that I am still me, and that is good for me to hear. I HAVE NOT REALLY CHANGED. mY SOUL AND MY SPIRIT ARE THE SAME.
I am sorry you just received some bad news which has caused you to become very depressed and crying - I am here for you if you want to talk
Life is really hard and it sounds as though yours has been very hard
Life is really hard and it sounds as though yours has been very hard
Margypops - I do not know when we spoke but I think we have
Yes, life is a real struggle - I usually do not talk about my childhood years and do not know what made me decide to write what I did that morning - about me taking a O/D which is not the first time - all I know is something happened in my brain and I just exploded - usually, I am the type person that keep everything bottled up inside of me
Yes, life is a real struggle - I usually do not talk about my childhood years and do not know what made me decide to write what I did that morning - about me taking a O/D which is not the first time - all I know is something happened in my brain and I just exploded - usually, I am the type person that keep everything bottled up inside of me
I am so glad Amph helped you.
My mother was schizophrenic and my father suffered from depression. My mother verbally and emotionally abused me until she died. My mother and father beat me on a regular basis--probably a smokescreen for the sexual abuse by my fathers and brothers. My brothers and sisterd did things like sick dogs on me and tried to crush me by getting on top of me--all four at once. I remembered all these things but did not emotionally deal with them at 30. I never laughed much and I could not cry. I was depressed all the time. I went into therapy because I wanted to be a better mother. I had blocked out a lot, even thought I remembered a lot.
I never spoke back to my parents because i thought they would kill me. I never got love from anyone in my family. My father and mother knew I was very intelligent, and they said this, but this is not love. they did not love me. The brother next to me was very, very abused also and he died of alcoholism. He could not deal with the feeling from what happened to him. His own father made fun of his club foot. Tragically, my brother later emotionally abused his son.
The abuse has profoundly affected my life. One of the things we have to be careful of is revictimization. I di not know how to make a marriage, yet I had to leave my family at 39 because I felt I was going to die from the horror I had kuved with. One of the best events in my life was going to group therapy at about 26. I never dreamed I could be considered normal. Yet my group taught me I was. male and female, one of the best parts. This made me feel I could be with people.
I have had triumphs and sorrows, as everyone has. Important life events trigger feelings about the abuse and lack of love. I will never really believe I have a child. I love her so much.
In the last 24 hours, I have had some very stressful news. I am depressed and crying, but not suicidal. I do not want to see or talk to anyone because I do not want to share my sorrow. I could talk to a counselor and another survivor and that helped a lot. Sometimes the challenges we face can semm too much. I still go through the same things that you face--the depression, maybe the hopelessness. I am fighting it now by taking care of myself, I have gone without sleep and regular meals because of all this stress.
I will take care of myself now, and I hope you are better. I will post something relevant below.
Anna
My mother was schizophrenic and my father suffered from depression. My mother verbally and emotionally abused me until she died. My mother and father beat me on a regular basis--probably a smokescreen for the sexual abuse by my fathers and brothers. My brothers and sisterd did things like sick dogs on me and tried to crush me by getting on top of me--all four at once. I remembered all these things but did not emotionally deal with them at 30. I never laughed much and I could not cry. I was depressed all the time. I went into therapy because I wanted to be a better mother. I had blocked out a lot, even thought I remembered a lot.
I never spoke back to my parents because i thought they would kill me. I never got love from anyone in my family. My father and mother knew I was very intelligent, and they said this, but this is not love. they did not love me. The brother next to me was very, very abused also and he died of alcoholism. He could not deal with the feeling from what happened to him. His own father made fun of his club foot. Tragically, my brother later emotionally abused his son.
The abuse has profoundly affected my life. One of the things we have to be careful of is revictimization. I di not know how to make a marriage, yet I had to leave my family at 39 because I felt I was going to die from the horror I had kuved with. One of the best events in my life was going to group therapy at about 26. I never dreamed I could be considered normal. Yet my group taught me I was. male and female, one of the best parts. This made me feel I could be with people.
I have had triumphs and sorrows, as everyone has. Important life events trigger feelings about the abuse and lack of love. I will never really believe I have a child. I love her so much.
In the last 24 hours, I have had some very stressful news. I am depressed and crying, but not suicidal. I do not want to see or talk to anyone because I do not want to share my sorrow. I could talk to a counselor and another survivor and that helped a lot. Sometimes the challenges we face can semm too much. I still go through the same things that you face--the depression, maybe the hopelessness. I am fighting it now by taking care of myself, I have gone without sleep and regular meals because of all this stress.
I will take care of myself now, and I hope you are better. I will post something relevant below.
Anna
Sorry to read about your loss and the dr. abusing you
you stated you got all the people out of your life except for your daughter - this must have been hard even though for you that is what you had to do - Thank you for talking about yourself and sharing
you are right I do not want to commit suicide either but sometimes I feel it would be the best thing for me to do - my family knows the triggering buttons to push that i just explode
Thanks God Bless you
Pam
you stated you got all the people out of your life except for your daughter - this must have been hard even though for you that is what you had to do - Thank you for talking about yourself and sharing
you are right I do not want to commit suicide either but sometimes I feel it would be the best thing for me to do - my family knows the triggering buttons to push that i just explode
Thanks God Bless you
Pam
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
