Urgent advice needed on family situation

[sunset555]

I come from a large family, to cut a long story short, we are all adults now, but for 13 years now one of my siblings are estranged as they sexually molested a few of my younger siblings, wish not to go into details. They were immediately eradicated from the family and have been estranged ever since! I only recently found out my parents had very limited contact with the person in question, and only this year my estranged sibling actually got in touch with me, told me they wanted to reach out as they have tried to commit suicide four times in the last year and wanted to tell me how much they love me!! I have kept contact via email only as I do not want my husband and own children or my immediate family as in my other sibblings finding out! I feel totally guilty and trapped about this and it is making me ill.. This evening was the final straw for me, when I received a message from the person in question and was told that they have been severely beaten up, left for dead basically and were lucky to be alive, and that they could not stop crying and wanted to just talk to someone from their family! I was horrified and got an awful shock, phoned my Father and he told me to leave it well alone and to just get on with my life, I am so upset, I had to respond to see if they were all right, even though I feel so bad for my other sibblings.. I am in a right pickle now and do not know what to do, I could not eat my dinner and have heartburn all day long because of it! I am so very stressed and do not know what to do.. Any advice will be very welcome, sorry for the long intro... Sunset.. but thanx in advance..x

[AnnieBrooke]

Your life is not the molestor's to ruin.  He has no right.  Take charge of your own life only, not his, it is the only one you can truly save or fix and it is the only one you are responsible for.  You feel that if you don't put on a cape and fly to the rescue, this person will end his life?  Forget it the rescue fantasies, HE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.  Delete the emails, block his ability to reach you, and pray he never tries to reach you any other way.  He has "sucker, easily manipulated" stamped in his address book next to your name.  Don't let him do this to you.

[sunset555]

Dear AnnieBrooke,

Thank you so much for your reply, I have been stressing about this all night long and not being able to talk to anyone in my immediate family about it either meaning my husband or children! I feel physically sick and am off my food and cannot sleep restfully, as much as it hurts, your advice is very straightforward and very helpful and you are right, I feel responsible for the well being of someone who when they were younger destroyed a few lifes in my family, I just feel that if I don't intervene that they really will end their life and don't know how I could deal with that either, but at the same time I feel like I am betraying the people who matter to me most too!! Why did they have to reach out to me of all people after all of these years... do I come clean with my hubby and upset a lot of people or do I just delete email contact so as though they cannot get through to me ever again? my own father has told me not to get involved so that must mean something, I am also afraid that another member of my family will come after me if they should ever find out I even entertained this contact no matter how brief at all... So you see I am in a right pickle here, thank you for reading.. Sunset.

[AnnieBrooke]

You are not in charge of the sexual molester having a happy life or feeling better.  It was nice of you to respond, but the person is now seeing you as a chink in the family armor (put there for a significant reason).  Don't do this to yourself.  The molester will find someone else to manipulate if you are not there, let the molester find someone else to ruin the life of, not you.