Hi everyone, I have something's o would like to get off my chest that I don't know what to make of it. I haven't been able to talk about it to my therapist so maybe if I know what to expect it'll be easier.
I started masterbating at a young age but I'm not sure what's normal or too young. I was around five when I started.
As I grew a little older it became addicting and I would tell myself you can only do it this many times. I did it until it hurt and I kept doing it.
About 8 or 9 I watched the Princess Bride and loved it. I became sickly obsessed with the torture scene that I would thing about it a lot and get pleasure from it.
At school during recess I wanted to pretend to be trapped by rope or chains and tortured Becuase I thought it felt good. I wanted to pretend to have my blood sucked from my neck. I would stand against the playground for awhile just imagining this. My friends didn't understand and would go play something else. Or I would lay in the grass and just wait like something was going to happen. Like I was trapped in web or something.
Sorry this is so long.
I'm almost done.
Many nights (still same ages) I would see and feel insects all over my body and I would scratch everywhere and try to get them away I would jump out of bed and cry. I couldn't lay in my bed at night anymore. I would have panic attacks and what I called little fits. I had to throw everything off my bed and stand facing my bed until I calmed down. I would then sleep on the floor for most of the night and get back into bed before it was time to get up so no would catch me not sleeping in my bed.
I would have very bizarre nightmares as well that were very strange for a child to have. Deaths of kids and it being my fault. People getting turned into meat. That one was reaccurring.
Was I just werid?