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Avatar universal

Was I raped? (Warning: Possibly too detailed?)

Okay, back in December I was in a rough place in my life, making many bad decisions. I attended a small get together where there was drinking and drug use. I was intoxicated but not enough to not remember things. I remember most of the night with a few blank spots inbetween. I remember as the night was winding down I got into bed with a friend and I remember he and I were making out and he was fingering me rather hard. I remember other friends walking into the room and quickly leaving upon realizing what was happening. Then I remember talking to him for a while after that then everything goes blank. I think because I fell asleep. But I'm not entirely sure. So the next morning I wake up still in his bed, him next to me asleep, in EXTREME abdominal area pain as well as vaginal burning and blood everywhere. I also had to pee so bad, that may be unrelated. Blood All over my legs and such. I cleaned up and left immediately. We never talked about the night again and soon after, the friend ship dissolved.

So about four months later a found myself in a loving relationship with a man who encourages me to be a better version if myself and choose to loose my virginity to him. So we have sex and there is no blood no pain nothing. He has good size down there so it's not that he just wasn't big enough. So no 'popped cherry' so to say. Which gets me to thinking what if that old friend really raped me and that's why there's no tell tale signs of loosing my virginity when I finally had sex.


I know this is long and I may have missed a part. Please ask any questions that will help answer my question. I just want to know if I was raped. If there is any way to tell physically that you were raped when you wake up the next morning? Thank you in advance
11 Responses
Avatar universal
It does seem like something without consent went on.

To answer your questions though you can't really pop your cherry. The hymen isn't something that normally tears in normal conditions. It can tear but this is usually caused when a woman is not aroused. If it tears it will bleed and hurt.
However it can hurt and not tear,if the woman isn't aroused enough or there isn't enough lubricant. This is also what causes the tight feeling men feel. An aroused woman wont feel as tight.

You can't really tell if you were raped by just looking at yourself but there are kits they have that can tell if you have semen still inside from the ejaculation.

I'm not an expert and some of this may be wrong however if you do feel like something wrong happened I would go look into this.
13167 tn?1327197724
It sounds like you had sex with the first guy,  and I wouldn't call that rape.  

You can remember fingering,  and you have blacked out times in there.  

Your first partner may have been as drunk as you were,  and may not have a clear memory of the evening either.

Move on,  and in the future don't drink so much that you have periods of blackout.  
3 Comments
i thought there was only the "friend" involved ? why the First guy designation here?
cause she talked about trying to lose her virginity to a second guy. it wasn't that long to read at least be for you comment. sorry not trying to be a *****.
WHAT? If someone had sex with a woman WITHOUT HER EXPRESS CONSENT, that is RAPE. If a woman is passed out, she cannot give consent.
Avatar universal
If u said no than it's rape!!!! Sounds like he "popped your cherry" why u had blood everywhere. If u were incoherent to make rhat decision than its rape!
1 Comments
the only time i had the type of blood this girl is talking about is when a man used a ring around his genitals, and it burst a blood vessel in HIM when we were having sex. Therefore yes, you may have had sex, but the blood might not be yours (entirely).
Avatar universal
Nighthawk61 brilliantly said it all... Kudos.
1 Comments
Thanks 3weezy. Happy New Year 2017.
Avatar universal
If you have to ask that question, the answer is probably yes. It's happened to me a number of times and the only way to avoid it is not getting that drunk, which if you have issues, is allot harder not to do than to say. There's not allot you can do now, but steer clear of that guy, don't dwell and learn from the experience.
1 Comments
Power through it.
Avatar universal
Not completely ruling out rape but you said he fingered you pretty hard which could explain the blood. That is exactly what happened to me when I was 16 so I didn't bleed when I lost my virginity either.. :/  Did you and the guy talk at all in the days that followed that night? Either way if you were drunk enough to black out, you were too drunk to consent.
3 Comments
I also agree with Evergreens answer. You said he was fingering you hard, did it cause you pain at that moment or was it pressure you felt. Either way, if your going to drink out of control ask a friend to watch over you. Sometimes a DD(designated driver)isn't enough, you also need to designate a good to tell you when you had enough to drink.
I agree with this statement as well. That is how I bled... I didn't bleed my first time having sex but I did before that when he would just use his hands.
Thank you! Being drunk is not an excuse to rape or be raped.
3060903 tn?1398568723
It's hard enough to call rape in a court of law. When i got my first impaired charge after following a street car home at 12 miles an hour, i was picked up. I saved my spit up in the back of the cop car and spit a big lugi on an officer that made reference to my being a prostitute, Like all women that have a problem with alcohol are prostitutes. Women have to realize that they already are targeted by the boys club, the courts etc. and protect themselves. Don't look for a man to protect you, protect yourself. Yes, ask a friend to watch you is one answer, but ultimately, being responsible for your actions should start at age 13 when you become a young adult. These things should be taught to women coming up in a big way by their family of origin. However, all is not optimal with families of origins. Again, you must look after yourselves , ourselves, and act like ladies above all else. If there are unfortunate incidents that occur prior to that happening in your life, step across the broom, forgive yourself your actions, and move on. These guys are also over drinking, and let's face it, many are dogs when it comes to their first opportunity to sow their oats. One must be aware and beware of this simple fact of life, but many are not taught to be that, by their fathers. and they should be, but alas dads are men that were once boys. LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN STUFF LADIES and give nothing away for free. Make a guy earn the right to be with you, BIG TIME. See if they are worthy of bearing your kids, before you give them a right to your body.  Sure would save a lot of hassle. Young men and women should be given the antibodies or whatever to avoid HPV at the age of what? 10, at that time they should be taught the facts of puberty and all it's facets. to be safe. Survive the hard parts to make sure you teach your children well. That's what you CAN do. And, it's A LOT. Sometimes you gotta be happy just to save the next innocent generation. The key here is to find the type of partner that are capable of aligning themselves with this goal. Happy New Year guys, it's 2017.
Avatar universal
No matter what anyone says in this chat sex without consent or if the person is too drunk or passed out say no is rape. However unfortunately as time as passed it is difficult to determined what happened. When losing your virginity some people don’t bleed at all but some people bleed heavily it depends on the person. You could ask the guy involved or any friends if they know what happened but I think the best think to do is move on as it’s likely you will never really know
1 Comments
Thank you, Rayray1996! Some of these comments..telling women to be careful not to drink too much..be careful not to get raped. Some of the comments here are prime examples of rape culture. How about telling the guy to be careful not to drink so much, so he doesn't RAPE.
Avatar universal
Blood running down the leg.... definitely through Sex... the.  Hy men is pretty strong... I’ve been fingered a bit before intercourse and never bled until I lost my virginity.. the blood running down the leg..sounds like virginity was lost the first time
Avatar universal
No one should be saying its anyones fault because they had to much to drink sometimes horrible things happen no matter how safe you are  or want to be and it most certainly is rape if some one is that effected by anything they are passing or blacking out how are they able to say yes or no thats just taking advantage.
1 Comments
THANK YOU, Sharryn92!
Avatar universal
I am a male and went through a similar situation with may aunt when I was 15 years old. I waited until I woke up with that "feeling" went to the ER and told them what I thought had been done without naming names. They ran various tests on me and after finding female DNA on my penis and lips I told them who I suspected. They obtained DNA from her and she received 2 years probation.
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