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Was it rape? I've been confused for years.

Okay so I am a 28 year old female, married for 3 years now, no kids yet. This was a night that happened to my many years ago I was around 15 or 16. I'm not sure if it was a school night or not but it probably was. I used to spend the night with my high school best friend and we would sneak out at night and have someone pick a up a little bit down the street from her house and we would go to parties all night long and not return back home till 5-6am which is around when her parents would wake up to get ready for work. We would go in and out her window so they never even missed us. This was my life my 9th and 10th grade year, so it was common for me to go out and get stoned off weed and drink into states of blackout. One night we snuck out to go to a party and the details are a little blurry because I was drinking A LOT. I remember flipping coins into shot glasses and having to take shot after shot after shot. Finally I was SO drunk that I remember literally sliding like a slinky down the kitchen wall into the floor. A guy friend who I have known for many years and I was really good friends with picked me up and took me into a bedroom. He was tying to kiss me and touch all over me. I remember making out with him hot and heavy but then he wanted to have sex and was trying to finger me and pull my clothes off. I remember refusing and telling him I didn't want to do that but he kept going and pretty much held me down and had sex with me, really hard hard rough sex with me. At first I was fighting him I was hitting him, pushing him away and scratching him with me nails because it hurt so bad. He kept saying things like you like it, you wanted it, I've wanted this for a long time, blah blah. I was 15ish at the time and had only had 1-2 partners before but hadn't had sex very many times, I was not that experienced at all. So this guy kept going harder and harder but then I started to like it, really like it. I had never felt anything that good. And for the first time in my life I came so hard it was like someone popped a water ballon between my legs. *** gushed every where and the guy loved it. He basically bathed him self in it, wiping it all over him, putting his face down there and kissing and licking it. It turned me on like nothing is ever felt. So we had sex over and over and over, all night until it was time for me to leave. My friend was another bedroom with my guys best friend hooking up with him, and he wanted to "swap" girls... And all the other guys in the house were asking my guy if thy could join and asking when was it their turn. But he "took up for" me by saying stuff like no she is all mine, she's only for me... Stuff like that but the other guys backed off and didn't bother us anymore. I was so afraid I was going to be "raped" by other guys in the house so I kept entertaining my guy friend all night long letting him put me in all kinds of different positions. This was the first time I had experienced these type of positions also. So for many years I have wondered "was I raped". It has bothered me. The thing about it is that at first I was saying no and was not interested in h I got sex with him and even asked him to stop after he started but then after a few minutes I really started to enjoy it, no I loved it. In fact I loved it SO much that me and that guy ended up several nights a week to party and have sex. Lots of sex. Ever since that happened and stopped seeing that guy I have been very promiscuous and have had lots of sex partners, I would say close of over 100 and I'm 28. I used to wild out and hook up with strangers from the bar. I would hookup with them anywhere, in the bathroom, the car, at their place... But rarely ever did I bring guys back to my place. Only a handful of the one nighters were invited to my place. Of course I had some serious relationships- 4 "in love" relationships in my life every one else was a one nighter or just a hookup buddy. It really confuses me about what happened. Just recently my husband and I were on the topic of rape victims (this was his specialty in his years of studying psychology because his dad was a child molester and he has always been curious about the subject) and he randomly said that I show extreme signs of a rape victim but I have never mentioned to him about ever being raped nor have I ever mentioned this story to him before or my thoughts about "if I was or wasn't raped". My husband was like "it's crazy but you show extreme signs of being raped but you have never mentioned being abused and I just can't figure you out". So finally I wanted to research it and see if I can get an answer for myself and I came across this website that seems like a good place to start to get some input on this situation! Please leave any thoughts and comments below for me.
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Avatar universal
Yes that was definitely rape. It doesn't matter how you felt afterwards. When it started you made clear you didn't want it and he forced himself on you anyway. That's rape.

I would definitely talk to a therapist or at the very least think about it by yourself for a while before talking to your husband about it, if you even want to do that at all.
Helpful - 1
134578 tn?1693250592
It's rape no matter if it ended well; you were forced to have sex and that is what rape is.

Best thing to do is see a shrink.  I would not let my amateur psychologist husband hear this story until  you are clear in your mind how you feel about it -- all of this "you show extreme signs of being a rape victim" stuff sounds very pompous and manipulative of him to say.  Keep your own counsel and see a professional.
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
Yes. You were raped. Even though you later came on to enjoy it, the first part of the sex encounter WAS rape. I think it would benefit you to seek therapy for PTSD and to clear out the feelings and trauma of the rape. Many women who were raped, particularly at a young age or inexperienced, become promiscuous as a form of seeking to regain the power that was 'lost' from being raped. You were violated.
Avatar universal
Sounds as if it started as a rape, which I would think rape since that was the guys intention, and since you did not want to haves sex with him, but state you were over powered., regardless of how it ended, or carried on. I would say, yes.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Does your husband know that you were promiscuous?  I didn't get the same feeling that your husband sounded pompous or manipulative saying that you are showing the signs of abuse. I think he may have guessed that you were used when younger for sex, and remember, even if a young girl says yes, it is still rape if she is under a certain age. He may lovingly be concerned that your sexuality was manipulated at a very young age, and might want you to be able to look into it for your sake, and as he's your partner, his. (because your sexuality does affect him, intimately). I do agree that you might want to immediately go and talk to a professional, and in doing so, and in receiving the help, you might be truly appreciative that your loved one picked up cues from your relationship. Whether your husband was trying to harm you, or what his intentions are, you would (hopefully) know better than anyone else, but especially those that don't know your husband. However, the sentiment is the same. This is BIG, and this is PERSONAL, and it might be wise for you to receive the best advice right off the bat about how you could deal with it, personally and in your relationship with your husband, moving forward.

What you have described is pretty much my life story, unfortunately. I was abused physically, mentally, spiritually by my father, an acted out promiscuously in my early adulthood. The damages from that lifestyle.. the regret, the otherwise missed opportunities in my life were great. I pray that this is not the case for you. There was also a "sexual revolution" that moved a huge number of people towards free love, drugs and music that affected many and afterward became something some were not comfortable with. In my case, i am very spiritual, and have experience with contacting the dead, (i have two late husbands). Knowing now that what I thought was private (many sexual escapades) could , to one degree or another, become a source of shame for me, if i do not love myself unconditionally and have a partner that loves me unconditionally (as far as my promiscuous behavior and drug/alcohol abuse/addictions). I've never had conversations with the spirit world, i'm not that savvy to date, however, i know that they are in my life, and watching me now, and putting two and two together, realize that i've in the past put on quite a show  lol. Hey, if you want to talk about anything, i'm here for you sister. I pray that you and your husband are a great match and that you,  personally and as a couple , can handle any and every thing. I'm glad to hear that your husband is getting into the mental health field. I hope this is because of his love for humanity and his wish to help. I commend him, if his intentions are thus. I assume that he's a good guy?
Helpful - 0
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