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Abuse Support Community
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Avatar universal

What should I do now?

I have recently joined this group and have posted a few comments. I have much going on in my life that has caused me great pain and suffering but right now I want to focus on a situation with my mom. I was injured in May of this year by a man that I had only been dating a short while. He seemed like the man of my dreams when I first met him but he quickly turned extremely jealous possesive obsessive and all the rest. I had broke things off with him just after Easter and had not seen him in 6 weeks when he came to my home. Needless to say he abused me and left me with a broken back and a complete loss of a good quality of life for the time being. I don't want to get into that too much right now but this man, who had never been in trouble with the law is now sitting in jail awaiting trial which will be taking place later this year. Unfortunatlly, he will probably be out long before I am healed and that is a huge unjustice.
This all has nothing to do with my mom but it will all tie together in a second. First, I don't want to rewrite my whole history with my mom but I have posted several comments with Zoidal if you want to read them and get a better idea of my problem. So now after not seeing or speaking to my mom in almost 2 months she has called me for help. What i neglected to mention in my prior comments is that my mom is a binge alcoholic, which means she doesn't drink all the time, in fact she goes months and has even gone a few years without a drop,but when she starts she can't stop for sometimes days or weeks. That was the case when she left me in the hospital and that is part of what devasted me so much. So now she has checked herself into a temporary rehab center but can only stay for ten days and then she has to leave and wait to get into a center that will help her for 30 days or longer depending on how long they figure she needs. I am proud of her for that and hope that she is able to overcome this illness once and for all. The thing is that she is now asking (A) for me to come down to the place she is at now, to bring her cigarettes and toiletries etc, but I am in a wheelchair for the time being and can't just jump into a vehicle to come to her aide and (B) she wants to stay in my home while she waits to get into the second rehab center. The problem there is that I will be leaving for a few weeks to spend time with one of my daughters and I don't trust leaving my mom here alone. She would never steal anything but my worry is that she will get lonely and end up turning to the bottle and perhaps letting strange people into my house. She did this while I was in the hospital and I had to get friends to go to my house after she left and clean up and get my keys that my mom had left in the mail box. Also, even if I wasn't leaving and she stayed here with me, I would be afraid that if a disagreement happened between her and I she would start drinking again and it would be my fault. I feel that letting her into my home is only setting us both up for failure. I know that she is trying, but at the same time I don't think she is far enough into treatment that she is well enough not to slide off the wagon. and I am afraid that I will just end up some how being the bad guy again. Sort of a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. As for me going down to the place she is at now to bring her items, I could probably get someone to do it for me, but my friends do so much for me now as it is, that I don't want to have them to do anything extra for me. And if truth be known my closest friends know what shes done in the past and I don't think they would think it was a very good idea and probably wouldn't want to do it. I want to be there for her in her time of need, the problem is I am personally still in a time of need and am really not physically or mentally strong enough to help. Does anyone have any advice as to what I should do?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
I have not read you prior posts, but is there a way you can contact the people where she is at, and tell them your siyuation, and that you are afraid that she may take up drinking as soon as she gets out, i am quite sure they can find someplace for her to stay, also tell your mom the truth you are unable to help at this point, I will try to find your other posts  good luck, and stay prepared for when the ex comes at you again  luvk  jo
Avatar universal
I am so sorry, i should have looked at your other posts before answering this, you have had a lot in your life, and i wish that somehow i could come up with a magic answer and make it all ok, You do not say to much about raising your children, i do hope that was at least a happy time, I stll think there are other options for your mom,call the hot line or aa, also maybe with all that has happened in your life, and you have not found the answer to your first question about what you did that made your parents dislike you it does sound like a very dysfunctional family, and also sound like each child is happy being away from one another i really believe that you would benifit with therapy,i do wish that i could say just get on with your life,but then, you would just say how, and that i cant tell you  because it sounds to easy, but if you feel uneasy with your mom staying in your home do not let her do it, i know how moms can be the guilt trip, and all of that, but this is your life, and your decision, do what is best for you, i wish you luck   jo
Avatar universal
It seems like i am getting both you and zodial mixed up, your posts are so much alike but i just want you to know i reread your posts,and all you can do is what you are doing dont chase, dont cry to her, just try to stay calm, you might tell her you love her, but renember, if she wants to argue just say i will talk to you later, also this is your life, and she must not control it, so do not feel guilty, for wanting peace of mind, and  AA can help her find a place to stay or a halfway house, if she wants to quit drinking she will, and nothing you can do will stop, or start it, i know because i have worked with alcoholics they have to want to quit,so if she starts. and blames you just leave it at that, because an alcoholic is good atty manipulating, and making one feel guilty, so hang in there, and get a better life, also if you cry around her it will just make her mad because she does not want to take the resposibility of listening and thinking she is wrong,drinking can do that, also some people can, they can not accept reality I am many many years older than you, but one thing i have learned is never never argue with a parent, just let them have their say,and go on your way, knowing that you have done the best you can, it seems like you have enough problems as it is, and you do not need anymore, also remember, sometimes a mom or someone may want to help and say they will, but then they back off, because they cant stand pressure or the responsibility, as i said before, and they get mad, and use you as the excuse for getting out. i have seen this also, and then i have seen, many women that have admitted they were not cut our for motherhood, I have seen mothers lash out at their grown daughters when they cry, and it may be because the mother feels guilty, and this is her way of saying do not get to close i cant handle it now, odd but true  take care   jo          
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