Aa
emotional self defense
i recently got divorced after being married for 3 years, but had been with him for nearly 13. we have 3 children together. he was emotionally abusive to me for most of that time, but it wasn't the obvious abuse, and i wasn't aware that that is what it was. he was extremely difficult to live with, and i had finally had enough and ended up leaving everything and spending 4 days in the mental health unit at the hospital. i've been very sick for the last several years and i wasn't the best mom i suppose. my kids are healthy and happy, and thats what counts to me. they went to school, they are extremely smart, they got fed, had clean clothes, had whatever they needed. but my ex put me down so often that i started to feel and believe that i was completely worthless. my self worth became dependent on how clean the house was, which wasn't as bad as he would make people believe, except for me. i needed help, not degradation. so i finally got away from him, but had to give up physical custody of my kids because i did not have a stable home for them, nor was i emotionally stable to take care of them. they had a home they were comfortable in and i did not want to take them away from that. but in doing so, i have screwed myself as a mother. my ex is extremely controlling and manipulative and has absolutely no problem in bringing up all my supposed shortcomings (in his opinion), but they are unbelievably painful, and he does it in front of my kids. me and the kids have great relationships, and even though i visit only 3 days a week, i spend more time with them than he does, but they are not allowed at my home because of my current relationship, and only because he's allowing his personal feelings to get in the way. now, even though its been almost a year, i still cannot be around him or talk to him without experiencing nearly paralyzing anxiety and just cannot seem to defend myself. i see a counselor at a domestic violence shelter every week, but am realizing that i need more help than that. what else can i do? i hope this is sufficient explanation, its probably a little wacky. there is so much that has happened, its hard to pinpoint the most important aspects without it becoming a novel.
i've actually been going to a domestic violence shelter for the last 6 months they have legal resources but dont seem to have the ability to represent me. she directed me to the family law clinic at the court house. last time i tried, the legal aid bureau couldn't help me. but i definitely cannot afford one right now. i will definitely keep looking and trying though.
You really need a lawyer. I don't know what your means are right now to pay for one, but I would think if you call a women's shelter they could give you contacts for free or reduced family law counsel.
Best wishes.
Best wishes.
going to the house would become a volatile situation. his sister lives there and has threatened me bodily harm, so it would be completely unsafe for me to be there. i do not think she would go thru with it, but i cannot deal with that kind of anxiety. my daughter will not return my texts, so i am afraid of what they have been told. mind you this situation is none of my doing and i am a good mom. i can't deal with this family anymore. how do i still be there for my kids and let them know that nobody can take them from me and that i love them more than anything if i can't see or talk to them? i need my kids. this is breaking my heart, killing my soul. thats what he did for nearly 13 years and is why i left, but he is still doing it. how do i stop this???
He can't bar you, but he can petition the court to do that. Since your agreement filed by the court right now is that you have visitation at his home, you are allowed to be there.
I completely agree you need an attorney, nlobell - you have rights here, and you need someone to stick up for you.
Best wishes.
I completely agree you need an attorney, nlobell - you have rights here, and you need someone to stick up for you.
Best wishes.
the agreement is that visitation is at his house, so im not sure i have anything to go on there. im pretty sure at this point iam going to need an attorney. he cant just bar me from seeing my kids at all can he? i assume hecan keep me out of his house which is fine, i don't want to be there anyway, but i need some other options.
Unless you have court papers or other legal documents saying that you are barred from having your kids in your house it's not up to your ex to decide whether they can or not. Legally speaking, if it is not ordered by a court or there is not a restraining order in place, he CAN NOT keep you from having your children in your home without petitioning the court and proving there is a risk to the children. If there is no legal action preventing it, you CAN ask the police to assist you in getting your children on your days. Of course this is going to p!ss off your ex, but it will also show him that he doesn't hold as much control over you as he still thinks he does.
Sometimes we have to take a step back and let the dice fall where they may ,you are seeing the children that's the important thing,make that time with them count,don't discuss their Dad with them don't ask them anything, just have fun,they will want to be with you ..good luck
rockrose, my ex seems to be threatened by my fiance so he won't allow my kids around him yet, the threat is totally personal in nature and not because he thinks he would be a bad influence on my kids. its just one more thing for him to control. there is some extreme tension going on right now and im terrified i will lose my kids to that POS. i think the police may end up getting involved real soon.
margypops, we've already been down this path, and he is just utterly unreasonable. he overreacts to things that should be so simple. i just dont know what to do now.
margypops, we've already been down this path, and he is just utterly unreasonable. he overreacts to things that should be so simple. i just dont know what to do now.
Right its one of those dilemma's we all hate ,sounds like you are stuck for the moment until you can have them for longer,all you can do is have a good time with the children when you are with them, even if he is negative about you they will see that that isn't true when you are with them,make sure you say nothing bad about him to them, it will discount some of his behavior especially as they get older.You could speak to him about it but if he is verbally abusive it may not get you anywhere and may be upsetting .Time goes by and maybe keep trusting that one day you will have them around more and possibly to stay ..not easy I know, I feel for you .
Are you saying there is someone in your home two is barred by the courts from being around your children? I don't understand why your kids can't go to your home . . .
my kids are 5, 10, and 11 and he has primary physical custody and we have joint legal custody. i had to give up physical custody due to circumstances unfortunately. i do plan on reversing the custody at some point when i am able.
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