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19195490 tn?1473764946

gf told me about being abused as a child. 1 of 2

Okay, so my partner is 23 and i'm 25.
We have been together for 2 years now.
This incredible young woman is an amazing individual, she is my best friend, I respect and love her deeply.

Early on in the relationship she trusted me with telling me about how she had been sexually, physically and psychologically abused repeatedly, minimal once a week from the age of 7-14 over 1000 times and how it  first happened on her 7th birthday by a man who lived down the road from where she grew up and she use to play at the house with his children.

She happens to be a twin and has an older sister that is 6 years older, her parents worked very hard and were very busy with 2 businesses to run and the eldest sister taking a lot of the limited attention due to behavioural problems ADD or ADHD, wagging school, sneaking out etc


When we spoke about what happened, I didn't know how to take the information. (as i imagine most young males would not or anyone for that matter),
but i did my best to not make her feel victimised or feel sorry for her as she doesn't like it when people do that in any situation when a situation occurs and a persons response is to feel sorry and almost patronise the one sharing, treating the situation with as much love and acceptance  by listening and allowing her to speak.
We communicate very well have a strong bond and talk openly about everything and spoke openly about how she feels it may have impacted her life and affected her and also impacts on me now sharing the load.
She says i handled it far better than her previous partner of 4 year who was 10 years older then her and described how he reacted upon learning of this information and how he had to pull over on the side of the road to vomit from what she had told him.
I gather from what she said, he did not handle it well. (which i can't judge)
as from then on he refused to ever want it to be brought up and just have it erased from his mind and hers, with intentions of moving forward.
(just his coping mechanism i guess)
He threw her diary out that had all the details and information about her childhood when he came home from work and seeing her reading it and crying, in his mind by throwing it out he assumed it would be helping her move on, yet failing to grasp that she in her words, gained comfort at times by reading it and seeing how far she has actually progressed in life since.

I suspected things early on as when we would fall asleep together she would toss and turn as though she was being forced down and raped or being cut etc.
To prevent her rolling off the bed id just cuddle her or try wake her if the dreams plagued her worse then usual and do my best to love her. (so far so good)
So when she opened up and told me i was able to ask about the dreams etc
we speak openly together about how every year around her birthday is very difficult as it an anniversary of the first time and so far we have work through together.she puts on a brave face and acts happy cause its her birthday, yet constantly reminded.
(as i dont know what to do other then support and love etc)
which seems to work fine as she says everything is fine... i do grapple with accepting that at times as everynight is a constant reminder to her and also me about the past and
as it comes closer to the anniversary/her birthday...
the dreams get more and more intense. which breaks my heart.
As time goes on, my mind does think more and more about her experiences and I do grapple with instinctively wanting to help or do the typical male thing by taking it away as i care deeply for her.
(just being honest)
or killing the guy... naturally yeah..?

Around age 14 she says it stopped, (i assume because she began developing into a woman?)

she began being plagued by some significant health issues, fatigue, autoimmune and requiring two major operations, school grades suffered as her teachers thought she was just being a typical teenager who didnt want to participate in sports (when actually her knees where bad)
and (was fatigued due to weakened immune system etc)
not just a typical depressed teenager...

by 16 she attempted suicide by swallowing pills and calling the child help line to which she passed out and they notified emergency services, sending an ambulance to her location at her home where they knocked and her father/mother completely unaware from a knock at the door late in the evening to paramedics saying something is wrong and they found her unconscious.
she received treatment for the pills having her stomach pumped, recovered physically but then that is when the questions were finally asked, (well kinka...)

she spared her parents the heart ache of the full details iv'e disclosed on this forum as she recalls the broken look of a man her father who found his baby girl in unconscious state. as she feels telling them everything would destroy the family as she thinks they would blame themselves for not noticing the signs sooner of the ongoing sexual, physical and psychological abuse.
As she was manipulated, lied and threatened she would be killed or he would kill her family, he would cut her if she fought back and she says she only has 4-5 main reoccurring dreams as she believes, is her brains way of coping with the trauma to block out years and over a thousand separate cases of this animal abusing her even when his own three children played in the backyard and that's what i see each night as she falls asleep.
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