Abuse Support Community
2.14k Members
Avatar universal

i can't get out of my relationship with my boyfriend, he threatens me that he will put naked pitures :O

We was going out for 1 year then ,we was in love , but it all started when i moved to his house as he thought that he could controll me. He started hitting me everyday he was hitting me harder and harder and care less and make me cry but tell me to shut up  and stop crying and carried on hitting me.I had enough then so  i run away and he was ringing me up everyday to take him back , and i was stupid enough to believe him that he's going to change. I was young then.
So i took him back and he said if he ***** it up again i can leave him but he didn't he knew that he **** it up and started hitting me and not letting me go back home.after couple days he asked me to take nude pictures of me and i said no , he made me and i was all in tears but he didn't care he said if i don't do it he's going to beat me and took them.

After that i said i don't want to be with him i want to leave and he said if i'm going to leave him he's going to put all of the pictures on facebook, online , and show to all of my friends and family and everyone that i know is going to laught at me so i could feel embarrasing and wanting to die etc.
I don't know what can I do to stop him or who do i tell or how to leave him!
He controlls all my life , doesn't let me do anything without his permission , like i can't laugh,cry,get up when i want , i have to do exactly what he says i have to do or he will beat me up , with remote controller,stick or hammer or anything that would hurt me alot , i already have loads of bruises and scars everywhere but mainly he hits my foot and toes. He does anything from punching my head in to punching or kicking my body , or elbowing my back or ribs. :(
Now i cry 24/7 sometimes when he sees me but sometimes when i am in my bedroom or bathroom and have bad times at college , i never smile now or talk , and all my friends are asking me if i am alright and what's wrong with me . I used to be very happy and smiley,talkative person. I can't do this anymore I want to leave him but i can't he keeps me in his house i haven't got key because of the last time , he says i will never have key anymore.
He swears and clling me names at me everyday and expects me to be nice to him which i can't do because i don't want to be with him so he makes me to be nice to him when he beats me up i already had black eyes 3 times and bleeding from my head  and haven't seen my family because of that. he decides everything for me and when i can go out or when i can see my family.   now im his for over 2 years  and he wants to keep me for his all life and have family with him and etc.:(

I try to communicate with him but all he ever does is changing subjects or doesn’t want to solve problems and then pretends like nothing ever happened.
he's very aggressive towards me and I am trying to keep quite when he's angry and swearing at me like calling names for example, slag,*****,****,trump,thick,idiot,useless so i feel so down and i don't have any self-esteem.

Update ! ***
He tries to be nice to me but when he gets angry he blames everything on me that i have done it , but now i understand him more on why he's been acting like that.

He has ADHD ( attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) , learning difficulties,behavioural difficulties,poor social skills,poor motor skills and he has Dyspraxia and other things that i can give you on request.

I really want to help him, try to make this relationship work or i want to leave him, but i have tried many things, like thretahen him with police ( retsrained order) or with other things, but all he ever says that  he will put my pictures up, he will beat my family up ( they live like 3 min away), he would beat me to death or call his all family to do it for him ,he refuses any help from others like go to anger mnagement or counsellor so he doesn't want anyone help  i tried other things that i cannot remember.

I really need this sorted out because I want to do so many things in life the biggest of them is my education that is important to me but not to him so he doens't cares so most of the times he doesn't let me go to college or do my work but i want to go to University which he doesn't want me to do that's why he wants the baby now,but i want to have good job for myself aswell but i don't think that I will ever have good life or social life with others. i have also tried killing myself like swallowing some anti deppressant tablets that wasn't for me but i just found them ( had big headache for 4 days ), cutting my hand,wrists, not eating anything or drinkin water and beating my self up with the stick that he had been using on my feet or anywhere else and scratching my face and eyes till it bleeds, when he finds out what i have been doing he beats me up for it so i wudn't do it again and says that I am attention seeker when i say that i don't want to live anymore because in what mess i am right now , nothing goes to plan or everything is going wrong.

Any advice here or suggestions on how can i help him , or what can i do to help other than to shut up and listen to what he says!
17 Responses
Avatar universal
Oh my goodness, you sure are in a mess right now. It does'nt matter what problems he has. He has no right to ever put his hands on you or call you names. You can not help him and you can not fix him. Leave him, and do it right away. Let him try to post the pictures. I really don't think FB will allow nude photos anyway. Tell you family and friends he might try to post them and he made you pose for them. So what if you might have a little bit of embarrassment for a short time. Your health and safety comes first. If you feel like you can't go back home because he lives so close then contact a womens shelter. They can set you up in a safe place and he will have no idea where you are. Your in school right? They have counselors on campus so see one today and let them know what's going on.  
Avatar universal
Get a restraining order. And get the law involved. Get yourself out of the situation.
757137 tn?1347200053
Now some women would say, "So print the pictures," and give him the finger. But you don't. What I am saying is that there is more here than meets the eye. You seem to need him for some reason. If that were not so you would have sicced the police on him long ago.
13167 tn?1327197724
You posted this exact same problem in September,  and it is now March.  That's 7 months.

Everyone who knows you can kind of imagine what you look like naked.  It's hard to believe anyone would be shocked to death by the photos.  

This is your choice.  You can choose to live like this or you can choose that you don't want to live like this.  It's not like you live in some country where you are denied choice or have no options.

If you choose to continue to live with this man,  that's totally up to you - but understand that this is how you are choosing,  of your own free will, to live.

No one can decide except you.
Avatar universal
You can only be treated as bad as you let yourself be treated.

Leave him, get a restraining order if necessary.

If he does post the pics (and hes probably just bluffing to control you, he knows he'll look like a petty jerk if he does) it won't be the end of the world - and MUCH better than spending the rest of your life with this loser. You only live once, why spend it like this?

Avatar universal
I know it's so hard my bf is damn controlling I can't go out eat food or do anything m so frustrated but we have our photos together what if he shows to someone ??? Pls help
Avatar universal
I am so confused N I don't want anything with him just afraid tht he will spoil my name
Avatar universal
That's the only reason I am still with him
1415482 tn?1459706314
It is time for u to recognize that u are strong. You know what u need to do do not be afraid to do it. Hon, it's just pictures so what u aint got no clothes on. if he shows people then they'll be shocked and get over it. Is some really worth a lifetime of abuse? Everyone gets naked sometimes, if u don't have a troll doll down there u aint got nothing to be ashamed of. It's not worth it.
535822 tn?1443980380
You could always preempt him and let them know there are some gorgeus pics off you out there, put some humor into it, I doubt others will care .there are many good men out there looking for a good woman don't waste your life on a loser .good luck
Avatar universal
I agree with you- be empowered to take charge blondekiss, no woman deserves to not have her opinion matter in a relationship- you can do this, break the cycle!
Avatar universal
The best way to help him is to leave him. He'll never get help because everything is great for him. You don't have to leave him forever, but IF he changes - and he might not - he will only change if he is uncomfortable. People don't change until they get in enough pain and are at rock bottom. Does he use drugs? Do you? That would be a good excuse to go to a residential drug program. Either one of you. But know that you are in the most danger when you try to leave him - even if it's temporary. He will never "let" you go so no need to discuss it; in fact better not to. Just get somewhere. Start carrying important papers, id cards, medications, etc with you. Or start taking things you need to a friends house. Just do it on the under. Don't be ashamed if you don't want to leave him permanently.  But also your life is passing you by, and you will regret that. The only way you can help him is by letting him fall. In the meantime, work on yourself: therapy, college, start doing the things you want to to have a fulfilling life. If he wants that also, he will see how you are doing it and he'll follow; if not, then maybe he doesn't want the same things as you. As of right now, he has no reason to change, he has what he wants.
I just posted the comment below to someone else. I gave the following ideas for leaving and staying safe at the same time. She was in a different position, but adapt it to your case. And remember, leaving an abusive spouse is the most dangerous time for you, so you just need to do it.
When you get a chance to leave, the best thing you can do is go somewhere public where if he tries to make you leave with him and you refuse, it will cause a big scene and a bunch of people will call the police on him. walk in to  anywhere (a hospital, police dept, grocery store, casino, etc) go in and REFUSE to leave. The worst thing they can do is call the police on you, which would be great for you. If you can only find people who "don't want to get involved or call 911" lock yourself in a womens bathroom. They can holler all they want it will only draw attention. Stay in there as long as you need to. Eventually one of the ladies visiting the restroom will go look to see if their still there, or let you use their phone to call 911 or go get your friend or whatever you need. Once he does'n't know where you are, you can discuss things from there by telephone. Let him go thru all his anger and threats for a few weeks. Eventually he'll see you are serious and he will have to change his strategy.
Avatar universal
Call the cop and don't go back. If he does put naked pics online and ppl judge cause they don't know the situation then f them.
Avatar universal
I hope you got out!!!!
Avatar universal
HI I was abused by a boyfriend for 6 1/2 years.  It got worse when we moved in together, because I couldnt keep my home at the time.  He started beating me and doing most of the things that your boyfriend does.  It doesnt get better. It only gets worse.   I finally ran away.  He wanted me back, he even cried.  But  he is bipolar.   Bipolar is like someone being Dr Jekyll/ Mr Hyde.   Nice and then with no reason mean angry and even raging.  A person like that has no idea they are abnormal and may even say it's all you. and believe it to some extent.  I wanted to kill myself, but I'm glad I didnt because he was Not Worth it!    Get away from him, move away, change your  address.  dont get a home phone only a cell phone.    Maybe even get a roommate, so you're less likely to be a lone.  Start over, and Do go get that education!   Youlle learn alot, make new friends and feel good about yourself again.  Go to counseling if you have to .  And Watch out for the same kind of man!  They prey on nice, sweet girls.   So watch out if you get another controller/ abuser.  Dump him!  Dont waste your precious life!   And as for the threats, tell him, go ahead. That you're sure all his guy friends would love to see what abeauty you are. and would he really want Everyone to see what he's got?  That will make him nervous.   Tell family ahead of time of the threats, so in case he follows through, theyll be angry at Him Not you.   You must have courage.   And everything will be OK.    I promise.  Just quietly leave him.  He'll come home, you ar e  Gone.    You can do this.  Pray for the Strength and it will come
Avatar universal
Guess what girl? I went through the same thing. I had a bf who beat me and threatened to tell my family about my abortion who are very religious.. Guess what? After a year or being scared And letting him beat me and cheat on me I told him I didn't care anymore and if he were to go that extreme I would report abuse and he would lose everything. And now he doesn't even have the GUTS to open his mouth and I'm finally free. You could do the same.. Don't threaten him but show him you don't care.. All you want to do is be free.. Better yet don't even tell him it's over just start ignoring him from now and block his number.
Avatar universal
u seriously put up with this??!!! ur too old u should no better!! ive been in this situation but i was 14! and young and scared to get out!! ur going to make it worse by sicking around! he is not going to ever change! they never do! especially threatening u and ur family! that is messed up! just leave! run to ur family tell them everything! go to the police! tell them everything even about how he forced u to take the naked pics and threatend to post them! they will go delete them so he dont have them anymore! he will go to jail if u tell them everything that has gone on! if i were u i would tell him, u are a pice of crap! ur a lowlife and u will never find a woman who loves u! u are insecure and have mental problems, i am done i am leaving and u will regret ever doing this to me! tell him u dont care about the naked pics anymore and that u dont care and as long as i get away from u i am happy! so go screw yourself and karma when she comes to visit u!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!
Have an Answer?
Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327197724
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398568723
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Here’s how your baby’s growing in your body each week.
These common ADD/ADHD myths could already be hurting your child
This article will tell you more about strength training at home, giving you some options that require little to no equipment.