MedHelp.org will cease operations on May 31, 2024. It has been our pleasure to join you on your health journey for the past 30 years. For more info, click here.
Avatar universal

i'm not sure if this is abuse/assault or an unfortunate situation

when I was around the age 5/6 I was sleeping I didn't know till I woke up that my stepdad's nephew (mid 20s) was staying over (the reason I later as an adult found out why he stayed over was because him and his now ex-girlfriend had a fight, and he was drunk so he wasn't allowed to go back home + may i also add that between me and my brother i was the one who had a double bed at the time my brother had a single bed so my parents thought he (stepdads nephew) would be okay in bed with me since he had little ones of his own) the only reason I woke was because i felt his hand on my stomach like he was rubbing it then he moved down to my privates and touched me at the time i didn't know what to do i was confused, i wasn't afraid but i was frozen in place. i know he wasn't awake because i can still remember the sound of his snores in my ear. when he removed his hands he rolled over to face away from me at that point i got up out of bed and went into my parents bed they woke and asked me what was wrong i didn't say anything as i clearly didn't know what to say other than why was (xyz in my bed) they said something along the lines it was too late for him to go home ( i don't remember the excuse they used at the time as this was over 20+ years ago. when they told me to get back into bed i did without an argument the next morning i woke before him so i continued what i normally did every morning i went downstairs and had breakfast, when he woke he didnt say anything about what happened he just looked at me and smiled then called me by the nickname he picked for me (which i will not say as it is literally my name without 3 letters) then he left as i got older i kind of forgot about it until 4 years ago i was watching an ad on tv while my kids slept beside me in bed and the memory come back to me. i still to this day never told my parents about what happened because even as an adult knowing about abuse, assault etc i still can't get a handle on my own experience. as an adult im disgusted with myself for obviously not saying anything at the time or ever after that however seen it from a childs point of view as an adult i can understand.
3 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
I'm coming here really late but I hope you read this and hope it helps.
It feels to me he was definitely fast asleep and passed out drunk and reflexively reached out feeling (or dreaming) he was sleeping next to his wife.
However, you should NEVER let a drunk adult whether male or female sleep next to your small child. Like what in the actual f.... Even if we forget about possibility of sexual harassment/assault, it can still happen that the person kicks you, hits you, rolls on top of you pukes or defecates in bed. I think you should actually confront your parents.
And about that guy, if you never felt that kind of weird scary energy from him afterwards (and I don't mean smiles) like inappropriate comments, attempts to touch you or be alone with you...that kind of behaviour that just gives you that feel in your gut, then it's likely that he's not a sexual harasser or paedo, but if it would give you a piece of mind just tell him "you remember that one time you stayed over at our place drunk...well you did so and so and I'd never bring it up but I can't shake it off so many years later" and measure his reaction.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can't see the reason that your parents allowed an adult male to sleep in a little girl's bed even if he had "little ones" of his own - that's not a REASON to allow an adult to sleep with a minor.  There had to have been a couch he could have slept on - he could have even slept on the floor.  And just because he was snoring doesn't mean he was actually asleep - I mean, he smiled at you later and called you by a nickname that HE picked out for you - to me, that says he was aware that he had done something wrong.  
I would say that, if you feel strong enough to confront him, you should do so but know this - he will deny it and may curse at you; he may ask you why you are bringing this up after all these years; he will try to make you feel guilty about it - telling you that you liked it because you didn't tell your parents back then.  
If you choose to confront him, do it in a public setting as he might get violent and hurt you.  And be prepared for him to get LOUD and embarrass you..
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Hey, I'm sorry no one ever responded to you. Such a sad thing to have a memory like this unresolved. It could have been a dream. It could have been him sleeping and not realizing (why your parents would put a grown man in your bed is beyond me, that's highly inappropriate. Especially a drunk one, geez). Or he did something. That's always a possibility but you never heard of any other allegations against him, correct? Which makes the first scenario or the second (not okay but not an intentional assault, just horrific judgement of your parents) just as likely. You may never know. I think I'd choose to believe scenario one for your sake but if you can't choose scenario 2. Also, you could talk to a therapist about it to get the feelings out and guidance. Why would you be disgusted with yourself over something that happened when you were 5 years old? You weren't a cognizant adult yet.
Helpful - 0

You are reading content posted in the Abuse Support Community

Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Learn About Top Answerers
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.