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investigation with child protective services
My son has been w/the current babysitter for 1.5 years and he loves her to death. She was also watching some kids next door (2 girls). well, I believe the mom next door was the one who called Child Protective services on the babysitter alleging she threw my son over her head and acorss the room, she took showers with my son, etc. My son went through the 1st interview at schoola dn they had concerns. Now he is having to go through a special 2nd interview with a forensic investigator and a detective. I find it hard to belive she has done these things. My son did deny being thrown across the room. is it possible him being six, he gets mixed up with the questioning, etc. Anyone else been thru this. Also, now we are not using the babysitter b/c of this situation, have been advised not to return him to her. It's just so much!!
I also wonder if the mom next door is angry at the babysitter and she is being vindictive, but I htink they would have to question her girls as well, right???
I also wonder if the mom next door is angry at the babysitter and she is being vindictive, but I htink they would have to question her girls as well, right???
Have you heard back from the authorties investigating her, its been a while what do they say now ?
Yes, some kids do do things out of malice. I guess that is why we have to investigate EVERYTHING to the fullest. We can't assume someone is guilty until an investigation is done. I think sometimes in this system it's guilty until proven innocent.
You are apparently not aware that children are capable of malice. Where do you think malicious adults come from? Yes, I think it is important to keep an open mind vis-a-vis the babysitter. That is known as justice.
Yes, it has to be fully investigated, I could miss things as a mother. I don't think she is an abuser, but you know people have been tricked and surprised before. It's not always so obvious, many times not so obvious.
My son is not the easist person to sit for, though, he has gotten better, but I suppose all kids have their moments, it's just hard to make these big changes.
I may never know really what happened or did not happen.
My son is not the easist person to sit for, though, he has gotten better, but I suppose all kids have their moments, it's just hard to make these big changes.
I may never know really what happened or did not happen.
I agree no one should be wrongly accused however it's not your place to say. I commend you for facing the situation without blinders. I wish you well with the new sitter and keep up the the good work with motherhood. Take care.
as of now, we are still in teh investigation as far as I know. I haven't heard anymore and I haven't inquired anymore either. I am just waiting to hear. I don't know how long it will go on. But I have moved on to another sitter.
I guess I just worry about people being wrongly accused, but I do think this has to be FULLY investigated and I would hate for something to be missed and her to keep keeping other children as well and causing harm, etc.
I guess I just worry about people being wrongly accused, but I do think this has to be FULLY investigated and I would hate for something to be missed and her to keep keeping other children as well and causing harm, etc.
I am not sure if you realize this but the suspecct here (the babysitter) has been reported allegedly abusing CHILDREN. Im not sure what your point is about her being of great importance.....really??? Put it into perspective she is a grown woman, and were talking about little children.....CHILDREN!!!! Be serious and get REAL!
Thank you its what I have been saying I dont get all this concern for the Baby sitter a Mom protects her child ,the child cannot protect himself..I will never believe that children lie more than abuse takes place ....
Children and Youth Services handle reports professionally. They don't go into a reported problem half-cocked. When something is reported that indicates a child or children could be in danger, they are not going to ignore it. For heavens sake be grateful about this.
A six year old will never disclose he's been abused or anything that has happened to him at the babysitter when he has been coerced or threatened or made to think this was OK behavior and a special secret between babysitter and the child because she "loves" him and he "loves" her. He is still trying to figure out what is 2+2 and where his seat is in the classroom.
The girls are not stupid. They saw questionable behavior happening with the little boy that they knew was wrong, and reported it to their mother. She would be an absolute nin-com-poop to ignore what the girls told her and she was very alarmed.
Of course that mother won't talk to the babysitter. She has been instructed not to do so. You should not talk to the babysitter either, as you have been instructed.
Your most pressing priority is to fully protect your little boy. He is still a baby in many ways, and certainly not able to protect himself against any adult.
You are living in la la land fretting so about the happiness of this babysitter more than forming a web of protection around your little boy.
Believe me. I was an abused baby right on up to adulthood. Never did I tell a sole because I knew nobody would believe me or I would get punnished for being a bad girl. So mother, don't be on your babysitter's crying list. She is a adult who can and will take care of herself just fine. Her "pained position" now may be to try to make you her ally, when it 9is your little boy who needs you most. Don't feel sorry for her. Proceed with the investigation and let the chips fall where they may. It may be nothing; it may be everything!
A six year old will never disclose he's been abused or anything that has happened to him at the babysitter when he has been coerced or threatened or made to think this was OK behavior and a special secret between babysitter and the child because she "loves" him and he "loves" her. He is still trying to figure out what is 2+2 and where his seat is in the classroom.
The girls are not stupid. They saw questionable behavior happening with the little boy that they knew was wrong, and reported it to their mother. She would be an absolute nin-com-poop to ignore what the girls told her and she was very alarmed.
Of course that mother won't talk to the babysitter. She has been instructed not to do so. You should not talk to the babysitter either, as you have been instructed.
Your most pressing priority is to fully protect your little boy. He is still a baby in many ways, and certainly not able to protect himself against any adult.
You are living in la la land fretting so about the happiness of this babysitter more than forming a web of protection around your little boy.
Believe me. I was an abused baby right on up to adulthood. Never did I tell a sole because I knew nobody would believe me or I would get punnished for being a bad girl. So mother, don't be on your babysitter's crying list. She is a adult who can and will take care of herself just fine. Her "pained position" now may be to try to make you her ally, when it 9is your little boy who needs you most. Don't feel sorry for her. Proceed with the investigation and let the chips fall where they may. It may be nothing; it may be everything!
She may have been calling the girls "evil" because they were lying about her. Here I am playing devil's advocate. I am concerned that the babysitter may be innocent. She may be a little eccentric but that is far far different from abuse. Yes your son is great importance, but so is the accused.
Im happy to hear you being honest about your feelings and reservations about the whole situation. I understand that you have to work to support you and your son and I think it's awesome that you have a job, if you set your mind on moving on right now and letting this woman go .....get her outta your thoughts , you will be able to focus on a new family oriented mother who can possibly babysit. Does your son go to school if so maybe their is another mother that can sit, or a family friend , gramma or auntie, ?????
You would be suprised what you can come up with when you have to , remember the mother of invention is necessity!.....Were mother's and their isn't anyone in this world more resoursefull then that. ....Right!!!! So get your big girl panties on , forget about the old sitter , don't speak of her, talk to her, don't her steal one more ounce of your energy that can be better suited to someone who is deserving.
I would totally recommend that you ask around to other moms .....they are where it's at , trust me all moms are like a gang we look out for one another and our kids. If your son askes about her let him know she has made mistakes and were not going back their anymore, Period . That;s it,,,,,kids are resiliant, but make sure you give him a reason and stick to it, that simple.
Remember you tech people how to treat you and your kids and if put into your mind what you will and won't allow , people will see and respecct it, trust me. Also when you speak to your son be honest (age appropriate) , and be positive . Let him know the sitter made a mistake and we no longer have anything to do with her. After all you are teaching your son how to allow people to treat him, he also needs to know that their is nothing that you wouldn't do for him. I don't know if you have explained why everyone is asking him if he took a shower with the sitter, I would guess that the detectives have.
This is an oppurtunity for you to open a dialog about abuse and what it means and what is appropriate and what isn't . Let him know that taking showers with adults isn't appropriate and and it's a mistake she made and you won't allow anyone to hurt you.
I know you can do it, stay strong and focused!!!! Focus on what you Want not on what you don't want. Remember where attention goes energy flows. You are a good mother and I know you and your son will be able to put this behind you and be better for it. Be Blessed!
You would be suprised what you can come up with when you have to , remember the mother of invention is necessity!.....Were mother's and their isn't anyone in this world more resoursefull then that. ....Right!!!! So get your big girl panties on , forget about the old sitter , don't speak of her, talk to her, don't her steal one more ounce of your energy that can be better suited to someone who is deserving.
I would totally recommend that you ask around to other moms .....they are where it's at , trust me all moms are like a gang we look out for one another and our kids. If your son askes about her let him know she has made mistakes and were not going back their anymore, Period . That;s it,,,,,kids are resiliant, but make sure you give him a reason and stick to it, that simple.
Remember you tech people how to treat you and your kids and if put into your mind what you will and won't allow , people will see and respecct it, trust me. Also when you speak to your son be honest (age appropriate) , and be positive . Let him know the sitter made a mistake and we no longer have anything to do with her. After all you are teaching your son how to allow people to treat him, he also needs to know that their is nothing that you wouldn't do for him. I don't know if you have explained why everyone is asking him if he took a shower with the sitter, I would guess that the detectives have.
This is an oppurtunity for you to open a dialog about abuse and what it means and what is appropriate and what isn't . Let him know that taking showers with adults isn't appropriate and and it's a mistake she made and you won't allow anyone to hurt you.
I know you can do it, stay strong and focused!!!! Focus on what you Want not on what you don't want. Remember where attention goes energy flows. You are a good mother and I know you and your son will be able to put this behind you and be better for it. Be Blessed!
I stayed with her b/c my son loved her and still loves her. He was asking today when he could see her again. So, yes, she is a bit feisty at time and quick to react.... I don't think she ever hurt him. I am concerned that she was calling the girls next door "evil".
Just have to say going by your description of this woman, it is probably best you look for a different sitter even if she is found innocent of the abuse. Doesn't sound like anyone I would want watching my kids. You shouldn't be afraid of making her lose her temper.
The detective also mentioned that she shoudl not be taking showers while having my child under her care, she shoudl be dressed and ready to take care of him when he comes into her possession.
My son is 6 and he has some sensory issues. He is very sweet and loving at times. He has a lot of energy, likes to play outdoors and explore. He is happiest I think when playing with nature. He loves flowers, any plants. He loves snow. He is in OT for sensory issues.
thanks for your wonderful post. It helped a lot. I just have to do what is best for my son and what the authorities recommend i do. I honestly don't know if anything happened or not, but I cannot take him back there. I have come to a conclusion as well, if she is found innocent, I think I am going to stay on the same path with new people and not go back into that mess. It's been too painful, whatever, the outcome.
I think my son is confused b/c he knows we are looking at new sitters. I have to find new sitters so I can go to work and do my job. there are no other options. I have to work.
He told me the other day that on the last day she babysat him, she told him she wasn't going to babysit for him and some other kids she babysits for until she can get the mess cleared up. that was before she knew she was reported to CPS. I find that strange.
She is a nice person, would give you the shirt off her back, but then other times, she would lose her temper and then not talk to you anymore and you could not get her to sit down and talk about it and she would threaten to find a new family to watch. It's like at times she just blew her top. This happened at least 4-5 times. I found it very upsetting esp since I am a single mom. She did a lot of nice things for my son, bought him gifts, food, etc.
But then she kept going back with this on/off again boyfriend, it was constantly they were broken up, then together, etc. It just seemed very immature. She is 21.
another time, I was using a weekend sitter and she wanted those hours because she said she had made "an investment" in my son. It's not right of me to yank hours from someone already promised and she would put me in a very bad position.
So I guess looking back I was very easily manipulated too by her. She is very strong and you don't want her to lose her temper.
I am just confused and looking back at a situation, etc.
I think my son is confused b/c he knows we are looking at new sitters. I have to find new sitters so I can go to work and do my job. there are no other options. I have to work.
He told me the other day that on the last day she babysat him, she told him she wasn't going to babysit for him and some other kids she babysits for until she can get the mess cleared up. that was before she knew she was reported to CPS. I find that strange.
She is a nice person, would give you the shirt off her back, but then other times, she would lose her temper and then not talk to you anymore and you could not get her to sit down and talk about it and she would threaten to find a new family to watch. It's like at times she just blew her top. This happened at least 4-5 times. I found it very upsetting esp since I am a single mom. She did a lot of nice things for my son, bought him gifts, food, etc.
But then she kept going back with this on/off again boyfriend, it was constantly they were broken up, then together, etc. It just seemed very immature. She is 21.
another time, I was using a weekend sitter and she wanted those hours because she said she had made "an investment" in my son. It's not right of me to yank hours from someone already promised and she would put me in a very bad position.
So I guess looking back I was very easily manipulated too by her. She is very strong and you don't want her to lose her temper.
I am just confused and looking back at a situation, etc.
there are allegations she took pictures of him with no clothes on and in the first interview he said yes she did. No, there are not any that I know of that they have found, of cousre, they would probably have to do a search warrant to find those and go through her home, etc. cell phone, computer, etc...
Good Post Pomolady I agree with you, the child is who is important ...not the baby sitter .
Benjimom, can you clarify about the naked pictures?
Is it a rumor that she has taken pictures, or do they actually have pictures of your son naked, in her possession?
Sorry to be so intrusive, but to me this is make or break.
Is it a rumor that she has taken pictures, or do they actually have pictures of your son naked, in her possession?
Sorry to be so intrusive, but to me this is make or break.
I just wonder, does that mean it happened or did not happen or he just doesn't know what to say to which person. to me he says the showers never happened. To the social worker he said yes they did happen. To forensic investigator he told me he said Idon't know or I don't think so, very noncommital. He was uncomfortable going into the room with the investigator and he worked for a short time and then he got a break and would not go back in again. He was not very cooperative there. Just strange.
Then my babysitter said before he was questioned at the school that she was concerned about what his responses would be, she said any other kid I have I would not worry, but about him I do.
Strange... mysteriious....
Then my babysitter said before he was questioned at the school that she was concerned about what his responses would be, she said any other kid I have I would not worry, but about him I do.
Strange... mysteriious....
The more I think on this problem the more that occurs to me. You said your son says different things to different people. Little children have antennae. They know what people expect to hear, and they want to please them. They don't see it as lying, It is out of that realm. I can remember, when I was very young, lying to a judge in family court. In my mind I was not lying; I standing by my mother.
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You said that his initial answer to the detective was yes about taking showers with her, I would believe this. Detectives have a way of getting it out . In the latest interviews your son said he was confused I would guess that is because of all the change going on ,
his confusion comes from the thoughts of ....Did I do something wrong? Am I going to get the babysitter in trouble? Am I going to get in trouble?.....
As a mother....mother to mother you ONLY job in this world is to protect that child....you have absalutly no oblligation to this womans feelings or acountability to her actions.....you stated that she is munipulative ....when someone shows you who they are BELIVE them. Really!....you only priority right now is your son, it ***** that you have to find a new babysitter but be greatful that this happened before you got a call from the hospital that he was thrown accross the room, please let this be the warning.
Don't worry about the babysiter right now stay focused on what is important right now and that is YOUR son. I strongly recomend you take the advise of the professional, this is what they are trained in, keep taking your son and I pray that their isn't more your son hasn't told.
I know you said you felt bad, it's probably cause your a good person but again your concerns need to be for your son. Once you cut of contact with this babysitter you will be able to look at the situation from a different standpoint and will have better clarity, but please as someone (me) who was abused don't take the allegations lightly there is a reason that the girls told, there always is......I can't tell you what it would have meant to me if my own mother would have made me a priority instead she "chose" to think of my abuser and because he was a repeat offender she didn't want to go to the police becouse he would of went back to prision......um maybe that's where he belonged but no he is free to this day and able to reoffend.
I will be praying for your streanght right now as this must be a terifying ordeal. But be thankful that it isn't any worse. Please do not go back to the sitter or have contact with her you don't want to take a chance with your son, he only has one childhood and the affects of abuse last a lifetime. This happened as a blessing and take it as such and stay away from this woman for good. Just my opinion. Keep posting , and I will be praying for you and your son, you sould like good people and you don't deserve this. Bless