My life is completely turning upside down. My husband and I were together for less than 6 months when we decided to get married. I work in a public sector job and when they found out my husband has previous domestic violence charges with his previous girlfriend, they warned me about him. I was an IDIOT, I told them he would never do that to me, he has changed. I almost lost my job because of the fact that he has charges and it's a conflict of interest with my job.
We have been fighting non stop since we moved in together days after we got married. It started off him getting angry at little things and swearing (not at me). Then it turned into verbal abuse and he started calling me names. I am also guilty, I started calling him names back, whatever he did to me I would do It back to him. I also have serious anger issues, we are both like the same person, any little thing gets him angry, and same with me, I get so angry and it's hard for me to become calm, my anger just rises. We usually make up after our fights and are happy and so in love again.
Being of East Indian culture has A LOT to do with our relationship because our families are strongly connected. They find out about our arguments right away and sit down and talk to my side of the family. My mom LOVES my husband, he is SO respectful to his entire family, my entire family, his mom is constantly nagging him but he will never talk back to his mom or be disrespectful towards her, the only person he is disrespectful towards is me. I tell him stuff his mom does that makes me upset, she is a very rude mother in law, and when I talk bad about his mom in anyway, it sets him off.
The other day we got into a verbal argument, it escalated and we both starting cursing and swearing at each other. He told me to get out of his truck and walk home, middle of the night, middle of no where. I said no and didn't move. He opened the passenger side door and proceeded to push me out of the truck. I started crying and screaming. I called my mom to pick me up.
When my mom came, he apologized to my mom, said I just pushed her slightly and he knows he was wrong and he loves me and would never hurt me (he said he was never going to let me walk home alone, he was just saying that out of anger). My mom told him it was okay, and I started yelling at my mom for taking his side when all I wanted to do was get out of there.
Since that day I told him I want to live separately and went to my moms. His mom called my mom and said for me to give him another chance because he is crying. He is SO manipulative and I can see right through him. I have been crying non stop for 5 days, no sleep, SO emotionally and mentally breaking down. He has been out with friends having a good time. When I finally told him I don'\t want to be with him, he started crying to his mom. Then when I asked to be separated, he came to my house, started crying in front of my mom, hugged her and apologized to her and brought HIS CLOTHES TO MY HOUSE so he can live here, when all I wanted was space. My mom told me to stop bringing up the past and to move forward with him. She told me when he gets angry, I should keep my mouth closed because I have anger issues too.
Doesn't he sound like a manipulator? Is this his plan, to manipulate my family? Whats worse for women in indian culture is that his mom called my mom and said, there's something wrong with your daughter. Even when I asked his family about his previous domestic violence charges, they said his girlfriends were crazy and had something wrong with them. I feel like wtf is going on? Everyone's blaming me.
The other day he called me 100 times and I wouldn't pick up, until finally he texted me saying he's going to the hospital because he can't breathe and he's going to die. I KNEW he was manipulating me to call him, and I finally did because I was worried about him. He was fine, he just wanted to talk to me so he lied.
I have NO family support, my family is on his side and has told me if I don't want to be with him I can leave my place and live somewhere else.
He tells me he loves me, he will get counselling, he knows what he did was wrong but we both have anger issues that we need counselling for. I agree that I have serious anger issues, but I would never hit him, i'm half his size, but also I have no criminal record and I will not risk my job by putting my hands on him. To be truthful, he has 2 prior domestic violence charges with 2 different girls. I just wanted advise based not on his past, but the fact that I have anger too and I verbally abuse him too, so maybe it's my fault as well. That's the only reason I want to give him another chance by us going to counselling. The fact is that anything he does, I get spiteful back to him. He used to ask me where I am, what friends I was with, and I got jealous when he was with his friends and started controlling him telling him to be home for a certain time when he's with his friends or getting angry if he wasn't back in time...what i'm trying to say is it's not just him, its me too, but because he got physical, I don't know what to do.
What do I do, I don't feel like I even know him anymore, he told me he is not afraid to do more jail time. He has nothing to lose, he works for his family so even with a record he has a good job and gets paid well. He spent a year in jail for domestic violence, but his family has money so they bail him out easily.