verbally & mentally abuse

[sadprego]

I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant. Ever since I've been pregnant, my husband has been more angry and frustrated. This morning while we were driving to work together, he offered to drop me off at Starbucks so I can get breakfast for the both of us since I have time to spare before I have to clock in for work. As we arrived at Starbucks, he was trying to park. He couldn't parallel park and scratch my car front bumper on the curb so hard that the bumper is about to fall off. He find ally parked and I head into Starbucks to get bus breakfast. As soon as I got back to the car, he started yelling at me with so much hatred and anger in his eyes and tone of voice. He blamed me for the scratched up bumper. He got so angry with me and drove crazy to the office where I was afraid for my life and my unborn baby life. As soon as we parked the car and started walking to the office. He would slam doors and make a huge fuss in front of our co workers. He told me next time to go get my own ****** food and that its my fault the car got scratched.

I told him that he shouldn't yell at me because he offered to drive me to Starbucks and he was driving my car and caused damaged to my car. So I shouldn't be getting yell at. He was wrong all the way yet he blamed me for everything. Please help me. We are newly weds only been married for 9 months and I'm pregnant with our first baby and I'm 19 weeks. Should I leave him?

[Nighthawk61]

Many men who exhibit anger issues hold on until they've their women trapped by pregnancy before letting themselves go. These men figure that you're not going to leave because you've got your eye on the prize, the family. He's like a person who diets, to pick up a partner and then lets himself go after the conquest has been won. He'll never have a chance to be happy himself, if this issue doesn't bring him to his knees. If anything will, it will be a new wife and baby on the way, having to find refuge in another home. He sounds extremely selfish and immature and may not care if he's alone to play on the computer and please his own selfish needs.  I think that you know you need to leave, and that you would be better off dealing with the reality of your situation on your own. There's other fishes in the seas.

Hey, do you two work together then? Oh well, big deal. You can handle anything.  Trust me, you're a lot stronger than you may know with that new soul growing. Do right by them, and remove what is not good enough. You deserve the best. There's a lot of support for new mothers on here. And we can support you through this abuse. Sorry you're going through this, you knew he had a problem, so i'm sure it's not a total shock to your system. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. It didn't work out. So now, it's Plan B for you. You can handle this.

[Nighthawk61]

Congrats on not taking any more abuse adhjmommy. Good going, it's the first best thing you can do for your child and your relationship with them. Thank them for the seed and be on your way. If they try to beg themselves back in, make sure they have an anger management certificate, and at least try to help keep them honest.

Yosh, you're lucky your mad man left you. Congrats on the baby, and move on to greener pastures. You're right, he did you a favor, he could do himself one and get help, but that's up to him.

Sadprego, haven't heard from you. You mentioned I shouldn't have been yelled at because.........  Well, people that work on their marriage, don't usually yell. They talk about stuff that's bothering them, and see if they can come up with solutions. If you've got a "yeller" they need to manage their anger through anger management. If they refuse, then it's up to you to read that red flag, and insist, because you can't just start yelling in front of kids, and expect them to not grow up shell shocked and distraught. I hope you're okay........

[adhjmommy]

I can completely relate to you. My boyfriend (daughters father) became very angry and intolerant when i became pregnant. First it was things like this and now I am so anxious, never knowing when he will lash out again i cant even fall asleep until he is asleep. I have made that mistake and been woken in the middle of the night because there are dishes in the sink or something. You are definitely not alone in this, and if this is more than a one time thing (which it seems it is) it will more than likely get worse. I am in the process of getting out of my situation even though i am 23 weeks pregnant. I hope you recognize when and if it is time for you to do so. Best of luck to you. Remember verbal and emotional abuse is no less harmful than any other.

[Yoshi20]

My ex boyfriend was the exact same way. He just recently up and left me and our unborn bby im 19weeks my first his 4th. his anger has always been bad but he was able to control it and not too long ago it started to become physical more and more i would try to overlook it but the safety of my baby is more important. Try counsling i read that men can react this way brought on from pregnancy but if it doesnt seem lile something u would do then i would leave him. Early signs of danger! My ex father is the sameway and shes been with him 50years taking the abuse. Easier said then done but in a way im glad he left me.

[anabelcrts]

His attitude is no good for ur pregnancy!. He should make U feel happy not sad or guilty from his stupidity!!. Because remember when we pregnant our bbys feel everythng we feel and thats just no good for both of ya!!. And he needs to grow up!!!. I think U'll be way better by urself with ur bby cuz that plp can harm U or ur bby!!..

[RockRose]

This is awful.  It seems he was managing to kind of keep a lid on his anger until you got pregnant, and now the stress of that has removed any attempt on his part to act nice.  And his mother,  who has known him his whole life can only say keep trying to make him happy.  :(

I think this is the time for an ultimatum.  I almost NEVER advocate leaving a marriage with children,  but this guy has to know he can't continue to act out on his rage.

This is a case for a doctor,  sadprego.  There are meds that can take away his continuous unhappiness - and I suggest you leave,  and tell him you'll come back if he goes to a doctor and tries to get better.  

I've seen really,  really rageful unhappy men turned around with anti depressants - and they almost can't believe how horrible they were before the meds.

Best wishes.  Nobody,  including him,  should be living like this.

[sadprego]

Hi RockRose. He has anger management issues but was always able to control it before. But now, it seems like he is unable to control his anger. He doesn't talk to me about anything. He would hide in the office at home once we get home from work and program stuff on his computer. I eat dinner alone and go to bed alone. Once he is done spending time on his computer, then he would come to bed. I feel like I'm living in our house alone or with an absent roommate. I thought that once I became pregnant, he would be nicer because he has always wanted a baby. But now that I'm pregnant, he treats me like ****. Always yelling, taking things out on me and not own up to his wrong doings. The worse part is. I confused in my MIL, his mom cus she could see that I'm sad. All she said was, I need to give in to him and be nice to him even if he's taking things out on me. That was a total EPIC FAIL on my part for confiding in her. He said he yells cus he's having a bad day. Well, I don't yell at him when I'm having a bad day. Why should I take this kind of abuse from him? I just want to have a healthy pregnancy and have a healthy baby. But he's not willing to help me through it. I feel very alone in this marriage and pregnancy. I've tried to talk to him but he would not want to listen and only want to go to the office and play on his computer.

[sadprego]

Hi AnnieBrooke! He has anger control issues before but he was able to control it better. Seems like its getting worse and worse due to work and his family demands.

[RockRose]

You open your post with your husband has become MORE angry and frustrated.

Has he always been very angry and immature,  but now it's worse?  

[margypops]

Did this come on suddenly, sounds like he has an anger control problem, has he not shown anger before ?

[AnnieBrooke]

I sure think so.  He does not sound like he is taking the slightest effort to curb his temper or take any personal accountability for things he does.  If you stay, he won't change, why would he if it doesn't drive you away?  If you go, he *might* change.  I'd go, in a heartbeat.  Yelling with hatred -- nothing else would be necessary.  There wouldn't have to be any discussion of who was right or who was wrong, the hatred would be the deal-breaker.  He sounds out of control, and the only one who can rein him in is him, and the only reason he might (rein himself in) is if there are consequences for his actions.