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Avatar universal

what is going on wiht my mother, father and myself?

(POST FROM jun 30) I wisih I knew whether I am right about my mother or whether I've constructed an elaborate fantasy to cover up my own failings... who can tell. nobody believes me when I try to get help. I'm 31, and I get told off by people who say GET A JOB. I can't work. I tried. my nerves were so bad, I cried every day nad night in silence, terrified they would see me, because they forced me to get the job. and one day, I accidentally broke down in thecar just as we got there. They rewarded my emotions with yelling. ;( I got sick with the flu a few months later... i'd see nthis cute baby with a flu, and I thought, OMG my way out of this hellhole!) I tried to do my job right... but I had to escape. thank god for that sweet little guy. I hope he's okay now, and healthy. that was a few years back. today, she claimed I was trying to attack her nad called the cops on me. again. ;( I feel like I'm in hell. my dad doesn't believe me, but he sure is quick to call her paranoid when it's convenient for him. I am in hell I am in hell I am in hlel. I have no friends in the US where I live. nobody believes meee... I tel everybody I can lay my hands on and they all say weird things that I don't understand, like it's not true. ;(

(post from jun 30)

man, this is an old post, but I just... I flet like maybe it would be okay to post here.
my possibly paranoid/narcissistic/borderline/histrionic mom called the cops on me today, claiming she thought I was going to attack her. I did not, would not.  I just was hysterical and trying to get the phone away from her so icould beg the 911 operator to take me away from here. I may talk big, but she KNOWs I would not. she just likes, in my opinion, to get my dad to yell at me. she's managed ot convince the police 9city hall is, unfortunately, across the street) that I am whatever it was she told them about me, and they've come to the house twice now, which was very traumatizing for me. I'm hypersensitive, and probably aspie, and I have attention deficit. 31 years old, female. I tried to wotk, but they forced me itno that before I was ready, and because of that idoubt I will ever be ready now, because I cried every day and night from stress,had nightmares, and when I revealed this to them accidentaly by bareaking down one day before they drove me to work, they rewarded my tears with yelling, claiming they were' trying ot scare me into stopping or something. I can't work due to sheer nerves and beign around people making me tired, confused and extremely suggestible, not to mention panic attacks. everyone I tell this to doesn't believe me. they believe her. am I crazy? I think I'm turbing into an emotionally/verbally abusive manipulative ***** like what I think she might be. she seems, to me, to want everyone to think Im batshit. but I feel like she's batshit. my father wont help me; he's her *****. iIf I am right about her, she manipulates him into taking her 'side' with tears, feigned illness, and goes so far as to eat badly on purpose and not exercise to exacerbate her health issues to manipulate us further. What do I do when nobody I go to for help will believe me? ;( I'm sad. this is not nice. it's not cool, and it's not right. what did I do in a past life to desrve this ****? if I am the bad one, what the hlel is wrong with me? nobody seems to want to share, but everyone has this look like oh **** I don't want to talk to this person. why won't anyone just TELL ME? do you feel like that? I'm no picnic either, but when somebody hurts somebody else, I don't like it. Period. doesn't mean I don't do it too, but truly, I don't like it. what gives?  ifeel like I'm in hell right now.
10 Responses
Avatar universal
crap and I forgot ot say this: I have food things where if I eat a wrong food, my guts screw my head up for a while. that is why I am so stressed too, I mean, I am trying my best to eat better and my parents seem... odd about it. They eat all the stuff I try not to ever eat unless I don't realize it's in the food, yeah? and, well... they then exhibit the same (I believe) problesm as I do when I eat those foods which I try so hard to avoid. so, yeah I'm stressed here. ;( having the cops called on you when you never tried to harm anyone AT ALL is really traumatizing, and even more so for an aspie like me. plus I think I have abandonment issues. but I don't drink or do Borderline Personality things, so... no idea hat's going on ehre.w
Avatar universal
You poor thing.

I'll talk to you, honey.    My mother is a mess too.  She beat me all the time as a child, right up until I was in my 20's.  I was married to my first husband once, and at a family party she came up to me (didn't like something I was saying about politics, who knows) said "SHUT UP!" and then slapped me hard right across the face.  I was 23.

No one did ANYTHING.    Everyone secretly knows my mother is a strange woman, and that people ignored what she did to me for years is just plain wrong.   Reminds me of the old saying "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that GOOD MEN DO NOTHING."

You sound like you have a bunch of issues going on, and an emotionally abusive mother isn't helping the situation at all.

Do you have a therapist?  I'd strongly recommend that you get one...and possibly begin to carve out a plan to get OUT of your parents house and find some way of living on your own.  

You say you cannot work, but truthfully, if you are in this bad situation with toxic people that are making you crazy and creating constant, unnecessary drama, then you really don't know what you are capable of.

If I were you, I'd hook up with a good psychotherapist and tell them what is going on.   You're 31 years old..you deserve an independent life, even if it means living in a group home, or having roommates, sharing living space, whatever.  Someplace quiet and peaceful where you don't have an unstable mother calling the cops on you.  (My mother used to do that too...)

Try not to take the bait your mother is dangling.  Stay in your room if you can, or go outside...Do you drive/have a car?  Go someplace by yourself and get away from this madness.   Remember, you don't have to catch every ball she violently throws at you.    You can CHOOSE not to react.

You are not your mother.  Say it again and again.  You're a separate person with your own life.  Who cares what your parents eat?

Of course you have abandonment issues...but hanging around the people who stress you out is NOT the answer.  Get away from them, trust me.  Do it quietly and without drama.  Find a place where you can just breathe.

Hope this post helped.   Let me know how you are doing.

3060903 tn?1398565123
The problems that you are having could well be in most part, because of your family of origin environment. You need out. Could you not go on welfare where you are? Could you not look for a room in a rooming house and get away from your parents. They are frustrated having a 31 year old Adult Child at home. It doesn't seem like they've tried to get you involved in your own mental health care. They should have figured that you were having problems when you were just out of high school, but it seems they did not. Probably the same reason as my own parents. they don't know how to care. Instead of getting mad at them for not knowing how to be good parents, feel sorry for them that they are not able to be good parents. It won't bode well for them when they go to heaven that they've done nothing to help you become healthy and independent. BUT, it IS up to you to change your current situation. That might mean that you don't have a lot to do with them, that should be a good thing, but not if you're afraid to be out there on your own. Being out there on your own, can be scary. But if you change yourself within and have friends to talk to (here) it might be a lot easier than you first think.

I noticed you didn't comment on this post of yours, after you wrote it. I'm wondering about that. We need you to come back and comment on what we've said here if there's a hope in hell of helping you honey.

Hope you come back. 3`1 is too old to be living with your parents, if you do not get along. You need to go on welfare, and possibly disability and look after yourself. Even if you can't work, you can still get to a safe place where you are not bothered all the time. The thing is, when you do go into a room mate situation you have to know your boundaries. For instance, it's not really your business what other people eat. Look after yourself, Live and let live. SInce you were not taught that, it might be something that you need to talk about (here) and learn so that you can b e a good room mate and other people want to live with you. It's my experience that when looking for a room mate or wanting to get into a room mate situation, the best thing you can say, is that you keep to yourself,  mind your own business, and are busy doing things during the day to keep busy and active in the outside world. Could you consider volunteering for 10 hours or so a week at a local animal shelter? That would prove to future employers that you are punctual. and that you can get along in a business. It will show your therapist (which you could get if you were on welfare) that you ARE trying to become as independent as you can.

But, we can't help you if you don't come back here, so again, hope you do.

Avatar universal
oh thanks! you know, a weird thing has taken to happening ( or perhaps I have trained myself to be more clear-headed so I notice when it DOES happen more) after thse large blow-ups.

My back will hurt for a few days along with my head while I'm still in meltdown mode days later... then suddenly, I will abruptly notice the pain, it will culminate, crawling up my spine in this really bad ache, blow up in my brain and then everything is fine again. Doesn't that sound lie some kind of nerve response problem similar to MS and the like? not saying I have that, but it is unpleasant and symptomatic of perhaps a larger issue. I feel like no one watns to address this, and it's tee-ing me off. dang doctors. ;) Also, I apologize for not responding to this sooner! I only got a notification from nighthawk today... TODAY!!! sigh. I am VERY PUNCTUAL in responding when someone has taken the time to communicate with me, it's only right. And, I have noticed that a lot of the time the bots don't seem to want ot work for me, and on one of my fave sites esp I get this horrible month or more long delay in my email alerts. again, I apologize. it is not me refusing to answer, sadly. ;) I thought I set my (two now) posts to alert so they would email meeeeeee! sigh. I could tell you stories of computer class in school. the things would notwork around me. they literally screwed up so much that I got BLAMED! O.o
Avatar universal
oh, and I need to make clear that I worry about what my parents eat because I suspect they have food intolerances/allergies like me and thusly, if they would only watch what they eat, since I cannot move out yet, it would improve the entire family's relations, as food issues such as those will affect the nervous system. ;) Of course, you can lead a horse. ;) my mother consistently denies my feelings. And my dad, well dang. I am terrified of sex and men because he has yelled at me continuously throughout my entire life, since I was a BABy even! My mom could tell you stories of how he tried to disciplne me as a 3 year old child. ;O sorry forhte tmi, but that IS a symptom of mine, so the least I can do is use *** to illustrate a point, albeit in a ridiculouslyverbose way. My apologies, thricely.
Avatar universal
oh, and I forgot to address (sorry) your points:

1. I wish I was not ADD so I could think of everything I needed to say in one post instead of taking up people's time with all these tmis. sadly.

2. welfare? um... okay. will look into that.

3.  I get tired out by other people too quickly- when that happens, and it ALWAYs happens, I get very suggestible, and the more exhausted I get the more my carefully cultivated control slips... volunteering with animals, while something I have considered, is something I am not sure I can d oyet. but am thinking about several options. I have a real kind of brain problem structuring my thoughts along the lines of what you are saying, the way in which you are able to think about things to do, options, and the like, for some reason, I can't do that. I have tried all my life to cultivate that lack in my self, but it doesn't want to work right. not gonna stop though. ;)

oh I just noticed they *** out a word in that one post... the one with APOLOGIEs in it. I wonder what word it was- sigh. yay for bots. OH
and point 4:

they have stated that if I can wait till August, they will get me into this psychiatrist... am waiting to see what this is going ot turn out as. meticulously planning to the best of my ability. ;) I got me some planz. haha.

see. I am much better, even boingy boingy when that weird spine thing doesn't happen! ;)
14757565 tn?1438301624
Only concern yourself with yourself right now.  Get yourself well and functional, then worry about them.  I agree that there is something going with you three, but you can't help them until you help you.
Call and urge the psych to see you sooner.
If you cannot work, consider inpatient treatment.  If you are found to qualify for disability, there are many many agencies that can step in and help you have a more normal life on your own and help rehabilitate you so that you can one day work, when you are ready, at a job you can tolerate.
There is hope.  Keep fighting for your health.
Avatar universal
thank you dear! ;) several different sources have told me 'five-six years' before a big positive change happens and I will be able to do something again, and I agree with them. So, all I have to do is see this psychiatrist, and wait those five years. I can totally do that. Because every time I try to do things on my own, life stops me quite suddenly. So, I will try to listen to the uh 'tao' a bit better, despite me being the skeptical transhumanist I am! ;) My every waking moment is spent at this work. I will succeed. thank you again. you are very kind ot have responded! ;) But I'm very introverted and don't want any more replies, for a few days. I need to regenerate my resources and now relies to this post are upsetting me (I know, nuts, right? O.o)... you have a wonderful day, okay?
3060903 tn?1398565123
one question if you happenstance drop by...
are "bots" bottle tokes ? lol
15382584 tn?1440214913
Hiya, I want to start by saying that I haven't read all the comments so if I say something that has been said before I apologise.

You poor darling, how awful for you. Is there not any way you can move? Into supported accommodation maybe? With your health issues, are you able to claim disability benefits? I am not sure how the benefits system works state side, but surely you must be entitled to something?

Over here (in the UK) if you go to the council with an eviction letter from your parents, telling them  you will be homeless in 7 days, then they have a duty to house you. However it may be in a B&B for a while. Do you have any system like that over there to protect the homeless?

If so, take advantage of it.

Mothers can be a pain. But I do understand her frustration, when we have children we tend to think they will be gone by the time they are 21 lol. Not that that excuses her behaviour, by the way, it certainly doesn't. But you mustn't engage with her. Every time she calls the police get a copy of the police report. Never retaliate, never raise your voice.. be the bigger person. Seriously.

Hopefully you will be able to get out of there.

It doesn't sound like your anxiety is being managed very well. There is no reason you can't have a job if your anxiety is under control, so maybe some medication and some therapy is the best way forward for you.

I must admit I don't know how a baby with the flu made you decide to leave your job?

Anyway, it is time to get things sorted. I think you need to sort yourself out first so go to the doctors, see what they can do for you, then see about getting your own place. If you manage to get a job and you are saving up for your own place it might make doing the job a bit easier.

You said you broke down on the way to work and your family told you off... were they driving you to work every day and back again? Because that is an awful lot of effort on their part so they obviously care, whether she shows it well or not. Is there not any way you could learn to drive?

Now is the time to take control my dear, you can do it.
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