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Avatar universal

when do abusers move on

Im a 25 year old female. I left my abuser for almost a year now. We have zero contact with each other. I moved changed my number have no social media got a new job and cut off anyone that knows him that might know me. He does know where my current boyfriend works because even thoe they are not friends they went to high school together and no matter how hard i tryed i guess word travels. I have not herd from or about my ex from the moment i left but i live in constant fear. When do you think he will be focused on a new victim or when i dont have to look over my shoulder.
4 Responses
13167 tn?1327194124
I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea of when he'll move on to the next victim and leave you alone.

If what he did rises to the level of a crime,  and you believe he will victimize someone else in the same way,  you owe it to society to press charges.

If what he did was not criminal,  the truth is if he knows how to contact you through your boyfriend and hasn't in over a year it seems unlikely he's focused on you.
3060903 tn?1398565123
I agree with RockRose. It's too bad you couldn't have charged him. Like addiction, often it takes that kind of attention to get a person help for violence and anger issues. However, if i were you, i might consider talking to a therapist about his impact on your life , in the hopes yo can find closure. I'm sorry you had to experience what you have. One thing, i think my experience with abuse has allowed me to fully appreciate a normal healthy relationship, even more than i would have , had i not had such terrible experiences with my abuser. Congratulations for taking the steps you have to regain your life. Enjoy your life. Y ou earned your freedom.
3060903 tn?1398565123
To qualify....My abusive first husband, i did not charge, his next "victim" did, and he went away for a year. Had I had charged him when he abused me, he would have had a stiffer sentence when the second victim did charge him. He attended court ordered anger management classes and stayed single after going to jail and attending classes. He  decided that dating women, but not living with them was safer for him,.  He knew he could not handle being in a relationship, he learned his lesson going to jail, saw the pattern if not he cure, and stayed single knowing there would be consequences to him being in a relationship..My biggest regret is that i moved from my beloved British Columbia to Ontario, rather than to have charged him and gone on with my life.  I regret i did not go by way of the police, and court very much. I regret being "scared" and living in fear rather than to use the police and the justice system to help me, but that is just me, I sure do understand your just leaving. For me, that was not the ideal way for me to have handled the situation. I regret my actions of living in fear to the point of leaving a place that I loved. He wasn't worth that. He was just another coward looking for a target. He was a sick man needing help.

My abusive boyfriend did 9 months for hitting me in the face while driving.  The police  suggested they could charge him, and did, as there were witnesses to the abuse. The witnesses were the ones to call the police and have us followed stopped. The boyfriend went to jail, and I to the hospital. When doing this 9 month stint, this boyfriend died in jail while lifting weights. I met up with his brother and there were no recriminations. Just sadness. To lose another man that had anger issues and had gotten no real help.

I wish i had of charged my first husband as i feel it would have helped me a lot with closure and my sense of community, that i could possibly protect another women from the abuse i had endured. It is a regret that i have in my life that continues on it my golden years. I had grown up in a co-dependent home where i was conditioned to accept abuse and simply did not have the strength of mind to stick up for myself. I wish i had of, because i am of the mind that we do have a responsibility to stand up for our values in society. I sure understand why you would walk away from your abuser, as i did with my first husband. It' s not ideal and you may regret not charging him as i  do later in life, but you are safe and moving on , as he is.  Many of these men can be helped if they get into the justice system, and i hope that someone is able to do for your ex, what my exes did for him, which is get him. the type of help that he needed to see that his actions were not acceptable in a civilized society by way of anger management classes.

Thankfully you have the sense not to have children with this man. It is far less likely he will pursue you at this point, if you have no children. It was my experience with my first husband, that after he broke me, he was more interested in finding another target, than having to deal with the problems in the relationship that came with the abuse that went on.   My experience with a string of abusive men, was that I needed to change me.

It is frustrating and unfortunate when you hear that there are still those in the justice system that would keep victims living in fear by suggesting the best thing to do is to let an abuser get away scott free. and that all abusers are sociopaths that will literally kill you if you stand up for yourself with the aid of the justice system. That is like assuming that all person's of a certain race are terrorists. It is a broad generalization that could be confused with rational thinking.
Avatar universal
In Trinidad and Tobago justice system is a joke,when u call the police don't have no car, the man have a friend or family in the police department it goes in the bin,no shelter for abuse ,if it do reach to court he pay a fine he out on the road to get you,you will need money and a passport with a visa,So if your justice work RUN with it
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13167 tn?1327194124
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