Chad, you are playing Russian Roulette with your routine. You mentioned that you are doing a home detox. IMO you need help. You need professional help from professional who specialize in addiction. You mentioned that in 14 days you were starting your detox if I'm understanding you correctly. Why 14 days? Why not today? Why not right now? I can guarantee you one thing and that one thing is You Will Stop. Please don't make death your reason for stopping. There is a happy wonderful life out there and it doesn't need to include drugs. I used to say I couldn't make it without drugs. My back was way to injured to not take pain meds. I was wrong and I've been clean almost two years. You can change your destiny.
The clonidine will help by lowering your blood pressure, easing the withdrawal a tiny bit. I found it useful in helping me fall asleep...but not necessarily stay asleep. The harsh reality of the situation is you're not going to feel good. There has to be a point where you finally say to yourself "I'm tired and I won't live like this another day". Be determined and be stubborn. It is possible to do a home detox. The danger usually lies in dehydration. But with your habit and other meds I'm not sure that's such a good idea. If your set on doing it at home, try to have someone look after you, or at least check up on you. Drink plenty of fluid (Gatorade is good), take vitamins, eat healthy foods and exercise (I know you won't feel like it but this where that determination helps). I refused to any opiates. Some people like to take really low doses to help ease the withdrawal but if you're like me (and pretty much anyone with a serious addiction) it would never be enough. I was the type to pop 15 oxy at one time thinking a good high was way better than minuscule comfort. You know yourself better than anyone....is your plan truly to become sober or is your addiction making a few calls?
I started taking Percocet because I was in pain from degenerative disks. I know the fear of pain. But eventually I had to ask myself....is my pain really so terrible or is it worse from this roller coaster of drug abuse and withdrawl? I don't mean to say you're not in serious pain...just a question you should ask yourself. I still experience pain, but I find other, healthier ways, to help relieve it.
Big daddy is right...you will stop. I just hope and pray that you stop because you're ready to live your life again. Please consider talking to your doctor and discussing with them the FULL extent of your drug use and options for moving forward from it. There IS life after addiction!
Also, I just wanted to add that a giant portion of overdoses are due to people relapsing. People cut their dose for a period of time or discontinue and when they relapse, their tolerance is lower. You cannot take what you used to. I can't tell you what to do....but please be careful.
Thanks for all the info, maybe going to my dr is the best at thing to do. I'm just scared of being locked up! I was in a psychiatric detention center for a stent.I hav 2 kids big daddy yes I wanna quit and yes today. It's not he drugs talking either sir/ma'am I don't know y I cantt now! I did for a while then I got to stressed and there I wnet again. Yes the clonidine puts me to sleep but don't keep m asleep. Just wonder if I have my dr take away the Daulidid so there is no "temptation" what else is there for breakthrough pain. I went off opana and went back to MS Contin because the wax matrix. I eat them! I don't know the Daulidid really helps but I don't want to shoot anymore. I asked my mom, brother and friends for help...guess it's time to get my regular phyc, sleep and MS Contin rent a hotel room for a month and detox for 2 weeks pissing and whiting myself and the last to clean up and come back home. I really do not want a rehab because all ththe y do is talk about it and that'll make me relapse. Methadone helps but I still feel the WD of the needle.i!nwish ida took my own advice! "If you wanna get high smoke marijuana!"
My friend say he would do anything to help me.
My mom agrees about the rehab that and I wint get my phyc or other MEDS. I almost wanna end my life but not fair to my kids and friends and family!
I'll get it figured out ASAPb
I don't know y 14 days...what's IMO? And momo I been through cold turkey detox and wasn't at home and in a psychiatric center and Ida rather been at home...more comfortable and I have been eating and drinking plenty of fluids. Yes daddy it NEEDS TO BE TODAY BIT IS A FEW OR TOMORROW! I don't want death to be the stoping point for me either. Between my sexual,physical,verbal abuse and abusers I've turned to drugs since I was 14! I'm surprised I'm not dead already! Thanks so much to both of tall for the incurarageing information and thought and help. The dr will b ha start but I'll be in suboxon/naloxone treatment with some tramafol/ultram for help with the was and detox. I don't have the month to pay for subs though and insurance won't civer methadone or subs.…I'm so helplessly lost!
Anymore feedback would be appreciated so so much I am so lost! My dr is ab workout "psych" dr as well, I can go talk to him for $300 for up to 5hours. He is the only dr that treats me like a human. I've been on MEDS since 16 for bi
I'm **** it just erased what I typed 2 times now I'll make it short this time.
At 14 I started marajuana
At 16 I was a cocaine addict.
At 16 I was seeing a dr for bi-polar, anxiety and "depression" but I wanna kill the world when I get mad or "depressed"
So faster I was RX Remeron 9ttttttt0, Xanax (0.25-1mg) thrn Klonopin 2mg 3 a day.
I just typed for the last hour and a half and it's erased it for five times I'll tell you later in another post I'm getting tired at 5:22 AM here
Hang in there brother. I know it seems bleak but there are happy days ahead for you. So what is you were in a psychotic ward there is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you were abused sexually and physically and I'm so sorry for that. It pisses me off that kids have to go threw something like this. Even though that was a horrible experience you can rise above it. You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Are there any programs you can get in that are free that will treat you. Please don't consider suicide. My brother took that route when he was only 19. What a waste of a valued life. You can beat this my friend. I will pray for you and if you feel like it pray for yourself. Ask for strength and ask for help. You can do this. I believe in you my friend!
I'm on and off this site. I think its a great tool to staying and getting clean. I have been clean for almost 2 years and I can say life is precious and sweet. You can have what I have. You can have peace.
Bigdaddy1313 is very knowledgable. My 2 cents....go to the doctor because you are on too many drugs. Why would they lock you up? You are looking for help to get clean so everyone can only support you not turn against you for that. If you detox at a clinic at least you are being watched despite being less comfy. Please see a doctor and come here we will help you all we can including not to relaps.
I second what Yaz33 said. Not that I'm knowledgeable but that you would really benefit from getting help. You haven't posted back and that concerns me. Let us know that you are around.
I'm still here, I'm looking for a place to go. I am not craving it, but it's nice. The clonidine helps, knocks me out for a bit. I can't sleep anyways so I finaly get a nap here and there. I didn't start in all this MEDS
Remeron 90mg bed
Klonopin 2mg 3x day
Inderal 10mg 3xday
That helped until 7/31/01 I was in a car accident, I wasent supposed to live.
Then I started with vicaprophren went to methadone then for 14 years I was great. Tattooing, playing guitar, then the dr I was seeing my whole life...tells me "it's all about the money" cuts my MEDS after I been stable for 14-15years
I found another dr...in this very stressful process, I hit my wits end.....but in the end I have a dr that'll actuly listen and treat me like a human being. He finaly gave me a real sleeping med. I've been through all the benzo hypnotics they work for a while then 2 weeks later nothing.
That's where my insurance refuses to pay for my methadone and he put me in MS-Contin and gave me Daulidid for breakthrough. The first dr would give nothing for breakthrough. Well then I seen some one shooting and I got curious and now I was way outa control...I still do it sometimes. I like it too much, the feeling helps with everything that all this other MEDS are supposed to do. I don't know this is just the babling of someone that has had a very ****** Jup life I've never made **** out it: was robed OF bachlors degrees in CEET when I was 22....now I'm just a 36/37 washout at mommie and daddy's still. It really gets me down sometimes. I will never take my life. I just won't do it. I think its to easy that way. I'm very sorry for your brother, I'm sure he has his reasons. It's just not right what people go through these days. It's always fighting something. Personal issues to how FUBAR the government is and taking all our rights away! This is not the persute of life liberty and happlyness. This is the persute to be a ******* slave to the system!
I could replace all my phyc, anxiety, PTSD, insomnia and borderline personality disorder(whatever that means?) Basicly all the other MEDS I take iif I could have a FDA Apprived method of IV Daulidid. There is in hospitals...but people think that someone that shoots is a junkie....Not the case, I have a medical issue or whatever it's called, just like a diabetic...is diagnosed Type 1,2 or 3...and if needed have to take insulin. Well it's not fround apon unless it's someone (and yes it is) misusing their medications, or heroin whatever...but in a hospital just because this person or nurse went to school it's ok to shoot you up with drugs. What kinda since does that make... . So Drs all wanted to use seriquil as an off label sleep med.(it's a dambed antipsychotic med what the **** else is it gonna do ? As in side effects and all that. .... ., if I was a dr it be ok because I would be using it in a therapeutic way. I don't know I ask God every day why and what I'm here for other than to be miserable and alone. I have never gotten a sign, since, answer anything.... He is given up on me I guess. So I believe in my religion and that's deciphering all the contradiction, mistranslated, changed, or whatever. If I knew Armaic (ancient Hebrew idk) I believe it is. I'd go read the original scrols for myself. I've tried to go off all MEDS and I feel like my whole body is numb, pins & needles everywhere.and when I walk it's like floating. It's a unbelievable awful feeling. So I don't know what to do anymore. Please if you want pray for me and the lord or God will help me through your prayers.
Again thanks for the replies and the encouraging words. I'll keep posting ever day or so, to let you all know how things are going.
Oh also the "locked up" I don't mean jail, I cannot stand to be anywhere that I cannot leave or even lets say have real coffee because tehab is worse than jail I think.(knocking on wood) never been in 36 years so that's y I say it's worse. Also they treat you like a worthless piece of ****. Tell you to talk about it.., I cannot hear,see or do it when I kick. In my area this is a up titte with a stick up their *****...I get stereotyped because the tattoos and piercings I have. I'll rmamble on more later
OMG! I been taking 30mg of methadone the last week or so no MS Contin, I have Daulidid. I finaly looked at the pills and said "I don't want it" the needle!!LIKE WTF!! God thanks for the strength to say no at least one time! Please let it be over!
I had to "say simething" fixing to give in, but this is the last pill So ima just have to deal with it now...I did this on purpose runing out if I go a week with out a needle again I can do it for 2 themn' 4 then 2months then 6mi the and I'll be a good boy again and give ablosutely no tolerance to them dambed pills and or have to have them any more!!!! The FUCKNG NIGHARES THOUGH! Cold sweats! As long as I don't get them to bad bad nauseous I'll be ok. If not the whatever big daddy1313 ima IMO A REHAB SONCAN BE MONITORED AND TAKE MY IWN DRUGS SONTHRU CANT TELL ME NO WE DONT HAVE OR GIVE UNLESS U HAVE A RX FOR IT..
Well, I'm not going crazy because im out. I'm not craving them. I been clean for 12hrs+ now trying to make it a whole day!
Hey the needle is an addiction in itself. I believe you are way over medicated.
Not sure if you are on all the meds for pain, bipolar, self medicating, ptsd?
At a certain point you have to try other ways besides medication.
Long term Opiate use actually causes more pain= hyperalgesia.
It is opiate induced pain.
It would take a month or two off opiates to re-evaluate your true pain levels.
Then you could try physical therapy, acupuncture,massage, exercise,
Tens machines, chiropractor.
Many have found their pain level drops significantly post opiates.
Also have you been in counseling, talk therapy, church, cognitive behavioral therapy to try to help with your mental health?
We have quite a few people in the substance abuse forum who have mental health issues. You could also post there for support.
There is always hope.
There is freedom from the chains and bondage of addiction.
GOD hasn't left you or forsaken you.
Keep the faith,
Chad. Atthebeach speaks the truth. There is a much better life out there than the one your presently living in. I'm having a little trouble understanding what is going on because you threads are kind of rambled. I think your meds are keeping you in a cloud. No offense. You are definitely in my prayers. Take care of yourself and keep posting. Where are you from my brother? Myself I'm from Utah.
I been on the MEDS and they r from a legit dr. All this MEDS for 17 years now. The problem is shooting the Daulidid. Yes the NEEDLE ITSELF IS AN ADDITION! I agree. The other MEDS don't work. I've been rambling from being high if he needle. I just don't wan to shoot any more. Now that atthebeach says that opiates can cause pain after long term use...do I ask for suboxone then have my levels checked again? That's new to me. Im in a midlife crisis. I have nothing and never will.
Well I made 24Hrs with no needle, working on 48!
You need to have a doctor help you taper off some of your meds.
Could a family member help dispense them?
"The other meds dont work"?
Your physical pain, emotional pain?
Yes seventeen years of meds is a very long time. It will take some time to get off or at least taper down on them.
You are only 36 you are still young enough to live a healthy lifestyle.
There is healing. Please believe.
You are reaching out for help.
That's a great thing.
We are here to encourage you and support you,
I am bi-polar manic depression, anxiety, insomnia, and my bac is FUBAR from a car wreck. I was just saying that the one med could replace them all...but no dr in his/her right mind will RX something like that. Yes I do have someone that will dispense them to me.
Man I wanna get high so bad!!!!
You have to get yourself busy, get out of your head,
keep your mind and body occupied.
The urge will pass. Don't give in.
This is where counseling, meetings, change of lifestyle, doing things
Differently will help prevent relapse.
Make sure you don't have access to use, cut all ties, delete
All phone numbers, stay away from the people, places and things associated with your use.
You can succeed.
Please check back in.
Recovery is a marathon not a sprint.