Hope -- you are welcome to post here and will find others who will support you, but here we generally deal with questions about chronic pain.
Two other forums here at MedHelp where you'll find people well experienced in dealing specifically with addiction/dependence problems. These forums are:
My story is yours.i live in chronic pain from a sever car accident. For 7 years I've been on 6 narco a day or should I say 7 because up until the laws changed I could fill it 3 days early so I'd had extra. I've had an excellent relationship with the pain clunuc and dr. I'm a nurse and stopped working the last few years due to my pain. I was given slow release morohine also a few years ago and lady summer weaned myself off because all I wanted to do was lay in bed. I do need some pain med, how much who even knows after 6 years. But I'll tell you I'm done with the pain med trap and life! Here I've been falling all the rules, being honest, having the same dr, great relationship. I've even worked for this hospital. Yet, I know what they all say about pain or behind their backs and way before I had chronic pain as a nude I would get so mad at the nurses judging our lts who just had surgery and would request pain medicine. Now I'm one of those lts. I have been wanting to get off my Narco to clean out my system and get away from the side effects like laziness it causes me, depression, dry mouth etc, and after so many hours I'm forced to take my dose or I'll get withdrawal. I've never felt more hurt in my life than my last pain clinic visit. The law hanged and so did my once nice dr. He's never had any nurses with a decent bed side manner and I'm always nervous over my check up/refills. I'm am to have a utine test every 6 months just to make sure I DO HAVE THE MED IN ME AND NOT SELLING IT, so, the pee test is for a positive result! I go in because I too went to refill a script and he had no told me the law was changing nor gave me seperate scripts. Remember I was on morphine he put me in and I chose to get off and did. Yet, my last visit I was treated like a criminal and a drug addict. Even though he made the mistake leaving me with no refill I had to have abrupt with drawl until he could fit me in. Then, the pee tests he almost NEVRR HAD ME DO BECAUSE IM SUCH A GOOD PT, he wants me to do. That's fine -so normally I'd go after my appt and do it, but my husband comes with me every time. Since the busts had to write out the script as she normally does I asked my hubby to wait for it and I'd run to the lab and get the urine test over. I have a 3 degree prolaspe if my bladder and I'm awaiting surgery. As a result its hard to get my urine out and to do so I have to stand up, bend over, do Kagels to get a flow and then the flow sprays making it hard to hit the cup. I had to wait 2 hours to see him so I'd not drank any water. I went in to the bathroom and I tried and tried and got done utine out but spilled a small amount on the floor as I am in pain have to bend over to pee and I was deyhated. They said it was not enough and I said I come back next day,,, which has always been ok. Mind you this is a pee test to make sure I AM TAKING MY DRUGS! So, then they found out I dud nit give the urine and could not and its was closing time in the clinic they refused to give my already overdo scripts to me!!! They had never done this and the nurse was giving them to me when I ran ahead to get the test done leaving my hubs to get the scripts. When I went back 2 days later there was an order I had to BE WATCHED WHILE PEEING! In 7 years he NEVer ordered that. I burst into tears sobbing. I felt like a big drug addict looser and I'm also so embarrassed to go in front of the nurse because of what I gave to do to pee!! Remember thus is a test to make sure I gave Narco in me not the other way around. I knew then I was DONE WITH THIS CRAP. I'll live in pain, find other ways but I can't take the uncaring judgemental health care any longer. They don't help you find other ways to deal with chronic pain they give you the drugs then blame you and treat you bad. As a nurse I did float to the pain management clinic to work and I've heard their judgemental ways. Yet, if we didn't take the drugs none of them would have jobs. I couldn't go pee!!! I drank and drank and the nurse was starring at me but my bladder clamps off and with the stress It took me 4 hours sitting at the lab to finally get enough pee out and was bloated and sick from all the water. I went down to pain clunuc to get scripts inky to get home and they had the wrong dates 3 days off on my refill-even my pharmacist was mad and called the dr to let him know he'd made an error and he refused to change it. I knew then would do anything to get away from all this. I was always thin-too thin and have had anorexia. I've gained wait bring lazy on pain meds and I know how important weight control is to help decrees pain. I decided I'm going back to being anorexic to loose the weight and I'm not telling him but I'm weaning off my meds. I'm not telling him just in case I might need a rare occasional bed time pain pill. When I have been ok for 3 months I'm quitting him and living without that crap and the humiliation. I'll live with the pain. As far as your withdrawal there is NO EASY WAY! Some go cold turkey some wean off. I'm trying to wean off since I get such bad skin crawling it's the worst thing I've ever gone though. You get sweats, chills, depression, hyper, no sleep and I can take rhst but I can't take my skin crawling craving a pain pill. If I cant wean off I'm checking myself in to a hospital as they give you things to reduce those sever effects. I am down from 6 to 3 Narco. And I'm so depressed! In the end once I don't have one to take I'll still have some skin crawling. I did not refill my script other wise I'll just give in becsuse it drives me crazy. I'm confused about your story. You saud your new dr doesn't give pain meds but then put you on morphine! Morphine is so addicting and hell to get off! I don't kniw how I did it but I did. The EMOTIONAL WITHDRWAL is the worst!!!!!! Please keep doing it! As long as you are able to decrease your dose ever 3 or 4 days you will get there, but if you keep pills just in case I don't see how you can. The minute the pain is bad or withdrawal you wamy to take more. Most of us have to have NO extra pills to run to to get off. I will follow your story and please keep me up to date! For your kidneys alone these drugs cause damage and you must get off them. I know I'm going to do whatever it takes I can not take thus life of a drug addict any longer -good luck!