Don't quite understand you ? But the best way to stay clean is get support. Go to a AA meeting. If u don't like it choose another meeting. AA works. It really does.
I am having trouble understanding the question as well, but I do know from experience that whenever I am having difficulty dealing with living life sober, I must reach out to all the supports I have in place. For me, this has consisted of AA, therapy and a small circle of sober friends that I can trust.
I would like to congratulate you on four months sober....I will admit that when I got to this stage in my recovery, I too had a hard time adjusting from "getting through each day sober" to "living a clean life" ...which are two very different things. I also found, that if I did not work on the issues that caused me to use in the first place, I was putting myself in more danger to just cover up the feelings that I bury with use.
I would suggest reaching out for more support at this time, I do not know if by your question you meant you were having trouble dealing with your four month sober anniversary, or another anniversary of some sort which causes you grief. Either way, perhaps scheduling more sessions with the counselor I see you have, (which is great) or if you have not joined a support group to maybe find one in your area. Everyone is different when it comes to what works for them, but reaching out in sobriety (especially at 4 months sober) is in my honest opinion, beneficial towards us addicts today and tomorrow. Why do it alone anyway? :)
I wish you the very best in moving forward in the recovery process.