Aa
How do I get past the bad mood?
I have been checkin this site out for a while now. I have been on Norco 10/325 for the past year. It finally got to where I could not do anything without them. If I have them I take up to 20 a day now if I can get them. I have tried to stop but thought of withdrawl is just unbearable! My main problem right now is my mood. When I get up in the mornings I panic if I don't have any..I constantly think about them. I have the best man in the world but he's getting tired of me saying that I"m gonna stop but when I don't have any, I'm mean to him. We want to get married but he keeps putting it off because of this huge monkey on my back. I know this may sound strange but if I know they are within my reach it's like they are calling my name. I don't just take one, I take three or four at a time. I do have pain from a bad car wreck but as soon as I get my prescription they are gone in three days.
I do relate and am new here. One of my drs found out yesterday that I'd been going to diff drs and using diff pharmacies so I wouldn't be detected...I was up to 15-25 tramodol a day and also used hydros and cough syrup when I ran low. No I have zero of anything because th dr cancelled all of my Rxs So now I'm forced to just go cold turkey today!! It's scary I feel like I'd do anything for some pills! I've not gone even a day without them for over 3 years! It's scary and I really have no one to talk to about it. It would scare all of my family and friends if I told anyone!!
I was reading your post and I swear to god I thought it was one of mine?? Even our screen names don't know what yours stands for but as you can see mine is WantMyLifeBack2010. I am so very serious every single word you wrote is exactly what I went through!!!!
So you see you are not alone by any means and even your boyfriend that you want to marry and how you treat him is the same thing I did to my own husband of 20 years. He has never been addicted to one darn thing and he has no idea of how to help me other than what he has been doing for me for the past 138 days and that is paying for me to go to a Methadone Clinic. Yes Im sure you have heard that it is very addictive and IT IS but I set out with one GOAL...to get off my 15 to 20 pill a day addiction with out being deathly ill as I have been in the past SOOO MANY times when doing it cold turkey...I started out at 25mg on April 20th, 2011 and as of August 31st I was at 40mg. I only allowed myself to go up in my dose by 15mg....IF YOU go in these clinics like I see and have seen every day for almost 5 months now the addicts that want to be on a Methadone high by dosing up to 120, 140, 160 mg's which is REDICULOUS There is no difference in the dosage except "they" dont REALLY want the life I WANT.
As of today September 6th I am currently at 35mg have been for 9 days now and as of Thursday I will be at 30mg which i will then be in my "Detox phase" of the program.
Allot of people will have negative things to say about methadone and the clinics but if you are DEAD serious about getting that monkey off your back then you will do it the way I have done it. I will be going down every 10 days until I am done....as long as you dose down slowly under the supervision of a GOOD clinic not the ones that encourage you to "Go higher" on your dose then you know they only want your money...my councelor has been concerned for my health but she said to me "YOU are my first patient that stopped at 40mg & i've been a councelor for 21 years, you are going to have an easy detox from the methadone" .
21 years and Ive been the ONLY person that stopped at 40mg is saying allot and believe me I stand in line with people that BRAG about how many times they have relapsed and they will continue doing so because they know they can come to the Methadone Clinic. that really upsets me about the clinic there "So Called Moto is 'WE never turn anyone away" But to me at some point when a person has relapsed for 10+ years and continues to come back when they are court ordered to be clean for a U/A or if their doctor catches on that their an addict etc...obviously i could go on and on...
Just so you know I to have had several car accidents, was very athletic and have had several problems from being a runner over 20 years but its ALL IN OUR HEADS!!!
If you REALLY want to get clean I mean really want it more than anything then you will do as i did, research! I sat on my computer for weeks looking for what would be BEST for me? And this clinic has been it. there are other routes you can take just make sure you do what works for you....not what someone tells you to do!!!!!
I do hope you not only get that Monkey off your back but kick the S___T out of it. I do hope you can find the strength to get clean and get married...I wish everyone knew what I found and they could feel what I feel now.....Hope, Happiness, ability to be a mom again, a wife, a sister and no longer anti-social....
Good luck & I will add you to my prayer list....even though I don't know you personally I have been EXACTLY where you are now.....
Take care and feel free to contact me if ya ever need to just vent, I'll be here I'll reply:-)
Kim
So you see you are not alone by any means and even your boyfriend that you want to marry and how you treat him is the same thing I did to my own husband of 20 years. He has never been addicted to one darn thing and he has no idea of how to help me other than what he has been doing for me for the past 138 days and that is paying for me to go to a Methadone Clinic. Yes Im sure you have heard that it is very addictive and IT IS but I set out with one GOAL...to get off my 15 to 20 pill a day addiction with out being deathly ill as I have been in the past SOOO MANY times when doing it cold turkey...I started out at 25mg on April 20th, 2011 and as of August 31st I was at 40mg. I only allowed myself to go up in my dose by 15mg....IF YOU go in these clinics like I see and have seen every day for almost 5 months now the addicts that want to be on a Methadone high by dosing up to 120, 140, 160 mg's which is REDICULOUS There is no difference in the dosage except "they" dont REALLY want the life I WANT.
As of today September 6th I am currently at 35mg have been for 9 days now and as of Thursday I will be at 30mg which i will then be in my "Detox phase" of the program.
Allot of people will have negative things to say about methadone and the clinics but if you are DEAD serious about getting that monkey off your back then you will do it the way I have done it. I will be going down every 10 days until I am done....as long as you dose down slowly under the supervision of a GOOD clinic not the ones that encourage you to "Go higher" on your dose then you know they only want your money...my councelor has been concerned for my health but she said to me "YOU are my first patient that stopped at 40mg & i've been a councelor for 21 years, you are going to have an easy detox from the methadone" .
21 years and Ive been the ONLY person that stopped at 40mg is saying allot and believe me I stand in line with people that BRAG about how many times they have relapsed and they will continue doing so because they know they can come to the Methadone Clinic. that really upsets me about the clinic there "So Called Moto is 'WE never turn anyone away" But to me at some point when a person has relapsed for 10+ years and continues to come back when they are court ordered to be clean for a U/A or if their doctor catches on that their an addict etc...obviously i could go on and on...
Just so you know I to have had several car accidents, was very athletic and have had several problems from being a runner over 20 years but its ALL IN OUR HEADS!!!
If you REALLY want to get clean I mean really want it more than anything then you will do as i did, research! I sat on my computer for weeks looking for what would be BEST for me? And this clinic has been it. there are other routes you can take just make sure you do what works for you....not what someone tells you to do!!!!!
I do hope you not only get that Monkey off your back but kick the S___T out of it. I do hope you can find the strength to get clean and get married...I wish everyone knew what I found and they could feel what I feel now.....Hope, Happiness, ability to be a mom again, a wife, a sister and no longer anti-social....
Good luck & I will add you to my prayer list....even though I don't know you personally I have been EXACTLY where you are now.....
Take care and feel free to contact me if ya ever need to just vent, I'll be here I'll reply:-)
Kim
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