Aa
Any parents of heroin addicts here?
Hello,
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
I am a mother of an 18 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin.
She, like many others, started out on oxycontin. When she became immune to the higher doses of oxy., she started snorting heroin. Of course, I had no idea she was using until I found out by accident after she had been doing it for many months. We immediately put her into inpatient rehab. We could only get a total of 18 days inpatient and a total of 4 months outpatient covered by insurance and other available services.
We thought she was doing well, and she of course, learned to hide it very well. If I hae learned anything from this whole horrible experience, addicts are devious, amazing liars. She managed to pull the wool over not only OUR eyes, but the outpatient counselors eyes as well! We just found out the other day that she relapsed and is now shooting heroin for 3 months.
Finding this news out is both devistating, and hurtful to me and my husband. We feel we have given her all the love and support, counseling, and treatment we could. We even started trusting her again, which I thought I would never do! How could she do this to us???!!! I understand it's the drug that is more enticing than pleasing your family, but the hurt is overwhelming.
We put her in detox and this is only day 3 for her right now.
I wondered if there are any other parents out there who can share their feelings, frustrations, and stories with me.
Thanks.
My son went into a rehab for a $100 dollar day heroin addiction. Insurance said he did not in patient rehab after 4 days. I gave him an extra week by using my credit card. I know he needs more time, so does he. What's with the insurance industry? We pay big bucks for protection and they turn their backs on us. I am so mad! I can only do this one more week. I am so upset!
I didn't at all forget you, Ive thought of you daily
I cant tell you the warm feeling I have right now, and yeah a few tears !! :)
When I read posts like this, it truly warms my heart.
We all come here so desperate, so broken, stories like yours give the hope that is so desperately needed.
Im SO GLAD you returned but even happier your family is whole again. What a wonderful feeling, and if any one hasn't patted YOU on the back, Im sending you one !!
I have heard of the vivitrol shot, but have had no experience with it, wasn't an option when we went through it. There is a mom here that took her son out of the country for it...I believe his is 6 months, but he IS doing amazing on it, the last I heard :)
I do agree suboxone is not always the right thing can be abused, but if they are ready suboxone, saves lives, this shot needs to be more available, so happy your pushing for it.
It takes someone in our shoes to make people hear us and it sounds like your doing a great job !!
The dad above your last post, I have been pm-ing him...im going to pass this information on to him, if he doesn't see it here, I want to make sure he gets it
Also if you go to the top of this page...on the right the green box, says post a question. I think that would be a GREAT place to start. Will start a new thread with all the information.
Dad...to you I have to say, Im proud of you, you did something about it.
You have your little girl !!
Don't worry about the end of the year, enjoy EVERY minute of EVERY day. A year makes a BIG difference
So My Friend...Happy New Year, and I hope this is only the beginning of many blessed years to come.
Keep us posted...OK :)
I cant tell you the warm feeling I have right now, and yeah a few tears !! :)
When I read posts like this, it truly warms my heart.
We all come here so desperate, so broken, stories like yours give the hope that is so desperately needed.
Im SO GLAD you returned but even happier your family is whole again. What a wonderful feeling, and if any one hasn't patted YOU on the back, Im sending you one !!
I have heard of the vivitrol shot, but have had no experience with it, wasn't an option when we went through it. There is a mom here that took her son out of the country for it...I believe his is 6 months, but he IS doing amazing on it, the last I heard :)
I do agree suboxone is not always the right thing can be abused, but if they are ready suboxone, saves lives, this shot needs to be more available, so happy your pushing for it.
It takes someone in our shoes to make people hear us and it sounds like your doing a great job !!
The dad above your last post, I have been pm-ing him...im going to pass this information on to him, if he doesn't see it here, I want to make sure he gets it
Also if you go to the top of this page...on the right the green box, says post a question. I think that would be a GREAT place to start. Will start a new thread with all the information.
Dad...to you I have to say, Im proud of you, you did something about it.
You have your little girl !!
Don't worry about the end of the year, enjoy EVERY minute of EVERY day. A year makes a BIG difference
So My Friend...Happy New Year, and I hope this is only the beginning of many blessed years to come.
Keep us posted...OK :)
Deb,
I don't know if you remember me or not...I have the daughter who was using heroine and, I think the last time I posted she was home with us and VERY angry. I wanted to update you and tell you what we've done. I searched the internet for all the information I could find. I talked with some users. I spoke to some counseling centers and counselors. I found a counselor who's husband works in the prison industry and he and her are lobbying the Alaska legislators to make repeat offenders/users get this shot called Vivitrol. I found a product called Naltrexone. In Europe they are using this as a 6 month implant. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU...it works!!! Vivitrol is a naltrexone shot given once a month. The FDA has not approved the 6 month implant...I've heard that somewhere in the U.S. you can find a 2 month implant...I couldn't find it. We are getting the once a month Vivitrol shot. I have my daughter back!!!!! One day after taking the shot, all symptoms of the heroine were gone. NO CRAVINGS. She actually told me that she likes what the shot does...it blocks the opioid receptors in the brain. She doesn't think about it. If she were to use, it would do no good. She could use as much as she wants and it wouldn't give her anything...blocked! She had to detox first and then the shot was the answer to our prayers. It is a 12 month plan. 12 shots with counseling have nearly a 100% success rate. I speak with the drug rep who educated me often. I'm trying to get him here to give training to our doctors. My daughter is the first person here to be given this shot. They use Suboxin here. Suboxin is horribly abused according to the users i spoke with. This shot cannot be sold or skipped. We can see when the shot starts to wear off at the end of the month...but just in time, she gets another.
My daughter has a good job, a GREAT boyfriend and new friends here. She is a joy to have back! I'm a bit scared to see what happens at the end of the year of treatment but continually read that it will be good. The doctors here are dealing with many heroine users and are terribly un-educated in how to deal with them. They look at them as a lower, self-induced, scum. We have one doctor who was willing to do whatever we wanted to try and thats when we found Vivitrol. The shot is expensive and most counselors will say that their users cannot afford it. If you go to Vivitrol.com they have a $500 coupon and medicaid will pay for it. Obamacare should cover it. If you have any questions you should call Michael Eldridge at 907-229-7064. He is the drug rep that has helped me get the shot here and pay for it. He is also lobbying congress to get this medicine used instead of suboxine. He has some horrible stories of what doctors have told him why they wont, but, I'll let him tell you.
I have thought about you and all the help you gave me when I was at my worst. i have wanted to check-in with you and let you know how it's going. I'm great at thinking about it, but, not great at follow-thru. I read that you are still the angel helping as many as will ask!! Please let me know if there is anything more I can do to give back. I don't know how to post this to help other, but, feel free to share it with anyone who might be a
able to use it.
Thank you!!
I don't know if you remember me or not...I have the daughter who was using heroine and, I think the last time I posted she was home with us and VERY angry. I wanted to update you and tell you what we've done. I searched the internet for all the information I could find. I talked with some users. I spoke to some counseling centers and counselors. I found a counselor who's husband works in the prison industry and he and her are lobbying the Alaska legislators to make repeat offenders/users get this shot called Vivitrol. I found a product called Naltrexone. In Europe they are using this as a 6 month implant. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU...it works!!! Vivitrol is a naltrexone shot given once a month. The FDA has not approved the 6 month implant...I've heard that somewhere in the U.S. you can find a 2 month implant...I couldn't find it. We are getting the once a month Vivitrol shot. I have my daughter back!!!!! One day after taking the shot, all symptoms of the heroine were gone. NO CRAVINGS. She actually told me that she likes what the shot does...it blocks the opioid receptors in the brain. She doesn't think about it. If she were to use, it would do no good. She could use as much as she wants and it wouldn't give her anything...blocked! She had to detox first and then the shot was the answer to our prayers. It is a 12 month plan. 12 shots with counseling have nearly a 100% success rate. I speak with the drug rep who educated me often. I'm trying to get him here to give training to our doctors. My daughter is the first person here to be given this shot. They use Suboxin here. Suboxin is horribly abused according to the users i spoke with. This shot cannot be sold or skipped. We can see when the shot starts to wear off at the end of the month...but just in time, she gets another.
My daughter has a good job, a GREAT boyfriend and new friends here. She is a joy to have back! I'm a bit scared to see what happens at the end of the year of treatment but continually read that it will be good. The doctors here are dealing with many heroine users and are terribly un-educated in how to deal with them. They look at them as a lower, self-induced, scum. We have one doctor who was willing to do whatever we wanted to try and thats when we found Vivitrol. The shot is expensive and most counselors will say that their users cannot afford it. If you go to Vivitrol.com they have a $500 coupon and medicaid will pay for it. Obamacare should cover it. If you have any questions you should call Michael Eldridge at 907-229-7064. He is the drug rep that has helped me get the shot here and pay for it. He is also lobbying congress to get this medicine used instead of suboxine. He has some horrible stories of what doctors have told him why they wont, but, I'll let him tell you.
I have thought about you and all the help you gave me when I was at my worst. i have wanted to check-in with you and let you know how it's going. I'm great at thinking about it, but, not great at follow-thru. I read that you are still the angel helping as many as will ask!! Please let me know if there is anything more I can do to give back. I don't know how to post this to help other, but, feel free to share it with anyone who might be a
able to use it.
Thank you!!
Yes he is on parole for many years..... he has 3 or 4 felony's on him.......broke into houses( at that point he just turned 18 and was using pills at the time - no heroin. He owes just under 30K in restitution and is 21 years old now.
The Sober living is something he chose to do and it is in the next county from us (about an hr away) a week ago today he had to visit his PO, he told me he had a ride, however, his ride was "called into work" so my Son took public trans...had a successful visit & urine so on the way home he decided to stop in N Philly to pick up a few.....It was heroin and I think it had phentonoyl in it? His Mom was proud of him for using public trans......I was suspicious due to the fact I told him I would take him. I do not ike the fact that he gets rides with friends and now house mates, it is a broken system to me. The first thing he told me upon arriving at his house two weeks ago is that if he stays clean for 4 months he can become a house leader!!!!???
So I never know when he is trying, but I get gut feelings and to this point I would bet that he has not tried very hard due to the fact he keeps putting himself in areas closer to the sources. He is a creative kid, he will earn just enough money by doing hair cuts as he is a self taught barber to some extent. The perfect job for him would have been an aluminum siding salesmen in the early 70's or a high end wall street professional,,,,,,,he is that good!!! Teacher's, coaches, parent's friends, relatives, PO's & even his childhood psychologist....he's gotten over on all of them all and I was the only one that sensed it. It's a role for him, and even though he was soo talented in sports he never had that sense of confidence, always wanted to impress just a little more. My Girlfriend has known him since he was 5 and she is torn because she loves him yet hates who he has become. Last Christmas I was in Wawa with him (local store) a guy on a motor cycle had $2 in change for gasoline, the lady at the register told me that he just used his gift card to put $8 of gas in the guys motorcycle......this is while he was actively using.
I am trying to get him to volunteer at an SPCA or something with Animals....he loves them and I think it will give him a stronger sense of self, he agrees yet will not pursue..... I could go on & on.
Last night I told him I will call today and arrange for payment, then I am done. He is very angry with me and told me he would pray for me. I thanked him and told him I would do the same. I too have come upon troubled times with my sister (big enabler - his aunt) and my daughter, he seen it as a guilt trip, I told him it is truth not guilt. So I am going to give him time to himself for now and work on me.
The Sober living is something he chose to do and it is in the next county from us (about an hr away) a week ago today he had to visit his PO, he told me he had a ride, however, his ride was "called into work" so my Son took public trans...had a successful visit & urine so on the way home he decided to stop in N Philly to pick up a few.....It was heroin and I think it had phentonoyl in it? His Mom was proud of him for using public trans......I was suspicious due to the fact I told him I would take him. I do not ike the fact that he gets rides with friends and now house mates, it is a broken system to me. The first thing he told me upon arriving at his house two weeks ago is that if he stays clean for 4 months he can become a house leader!!!!???
So I never know when he is trying, but I get gut feelings and to this point I would bet that he has not tried very hard due to the fact he keeps putting himself in areas closer to the sources. He is a creative kid, he will earn just enough money by doing hair cuts as he is a self taught barber to some extent. The perfect job for him would have been an aluminum siding salesmen in the early 70's or a high end wall street professional,,,,,,,he is that good!!! Teacher's, coaches, parent's friends, relatives, PO's & even his childhood psychologist....he's gotten over on all of them all and I was the only one that sensed it. It's a role for him, and even though he was soo talented in sports he never had that sense of confidence, always wanted to impress just a little more. My Girlfriend has known him since he was 5 and she is torn because she loves him yet hates who he has become. Last Christmas I was in Wawa with him (local store) a guy on a motor cycle had $2 in change for gasoline, the lady at the register told me that he just used his gift card to put $8 of gas in the guys motorcycle......this is while he was actively using.
I am trying to get him to volunteer at an SPCA or something with Animals....he loves them and I think it will give him a stronger sense of self, he agrees yet will not pursue..... I could go on & on.
Last night I told him I will call today and arrange for payment, then I am done. He is very angry with me and told me he would pray for me. I thanked him and told him I would do the same. I too have come upon troubled times with my sister (big enabler - his aunt) and my daughter, he seen it as a guilt trip, I told him it is truth not guilt. So I am going to give him time to himself for now and work on me.
Im glad your here...
Your son does love and respect you, don't ever doubt that. They don't want to hurt us.
My son hated who he was, he just couldn't fight his way out.
Is your son on parole/ probation ?
Is it his idea for the sober house ?
The more you write the more I get the feeling your son IS trying.
Do you know how he got what he od'd on, was it heroin ?
Its GREAT that you have that gut instinct....always follow that, it will not lie to you.
The hardest thing is to separate the gut from the heart.
If he wants his Christmas gift from grandpa to pay for his first week that might be a good idea, as that is taking his money to pay for his recovery, making him responsible...BUT do not give it to him. Tell him you will pay for it from his money, if there is extra, you hold it....see what his reaction to that will be. If hes ok with it, that to me would be a very positive sign.
He feels he is trying, what do you feel ?
I think he is or he wouldn't be in a sober living house. So yes...this does constitute emotional support...no money though.
This might be the time, they need that benefit of the doubt when they try, this is when you don't turn your back...the words you were told.
The saying support only their recovery, not their addiction, is a good rule to follow. As of now, he is in recovery.
There is no time limit...it will take time to regain trust. He will need to prove himself to you, you'll know, don't expect a month a year...only when it feels right. That will all come to you over time.
I feel each attempt, is one step closer.
Most relapse several times before they get it.
I think a good approach to follow, is if hes clean and giving it a good shot...be there for him, but don't make it easy. ( no money :) Let him work to rebuild his life, dont give him what he needs. They need to do it for themselves, it gives them a sense of accomplishment.
If he relapses...you tell him you can not stand by and watch him destroy his life, therefore you back away. When its done enough and consistent, they eventually will get it, that it is made their problem, not yours. Their choice. If you feel he is using...he probably is.
When you get yourself in a better spot, as to his role and yours...it will become a little easier each day.
I would seriously consider some kind of maintenance for awhile.
My son tried So many times, always caved, it wasn't until suboxone that he was able to let heroin go.
Suboxone is hard to come off of and it is replacing one drug with another...BUT, it is controlled. He will be followed by a doctor, weaned down at his pace, he will feel normal and able to function, both mentally and physically. This give him time to heal.
Your son will need to want to do it though, if he isn't ready...many will sell it to buy their drug.
Also some kind of support, meetings, self help...what ever works for him and makes him comfortable, that is a must.
They need to relearn life.
I know it seems so overwhelming right now. Its little steps at a time for both he and all that love him.
The main and only thing is learn how to support ONLY his recovery
Your getting it, as I said...your asking all the right questions :)
Your son does love and respect you, don't ever doubt that. They don't want to hurt us.
My son hated who he was, he just couldn't fight his way out.
Is your son on parole/ probation ?
Is it his idea for the sober house ?
The more you write the more I get the feeling your son IS trying.
Do you know how he got what he od'd on, was it heroin ?
Its GREAT that you have that gut instinct....always follow that, it will not lie to you.
The hardest thing is to separate the gut from the heart.
If he wants his Christmas gift from grandpa to pay for his first week that might be a good idea, as that is taking his money to pay for his recovery, making him responsible...BUT do not give it to him. Tell him you will pay for it from his money, if there is extra, you hold it....see what his reaction to that will be. If hes ok with it, that to me would be a very positive sign.
He feels he is trying, what do you feel ?
I think he is or he wouldn't be in a sober living house. So yes...this does constitute emotional support...no money though.
This might be the time, they need that benefit of the doubt when they try, this is when you don't turn your back...the words you were told.
The saying support only their recovery, not their addiction, is a good rule to follow. As of now, he is in recovery.
There is no time limit...it will take time to regain trust. He will need to prove himself to you, you'll know, don't expect a month a year...only when it feels right. That will all come to you over time.
I feel each attempt, is one step closer.
Most relapse several times before they get it.
I think a good approach to follow, is if hes clean and giving it a good shot...be there for him, but don't make it easy. ( no money :) Let him work to rebuild his life, dont give him what he needs. They need to do it for themselves, it gives them a sense of accomplishment.
If he relapses...you tell him you can not stand by and watch him destroy his life, therefore you back away. When its done enough and consistent, they eventually will get it, that it is made their problem, not yours. Their choice. If you feel he is using...he probably is.
When you get yourself in a better spot, as to his role and yours...it will become a little easier each day.
I would seriously consider some kind of maintenance for awhile.
My son tried So many times, always caved, it wasn't until suboxone that he was able to let heroin go.
Suboxone is hard to come off of and it is replacing one drug with another...BUT, it is controlled. He will be followed by a doctor, weaned down at his pace, he will feel normal and able to function, both mentally and physically. This give him time to heal.
Your son will need to want to do it though, if he isn't ready...many will sell it to buy their drug.
Also some kind of support, meetings, self help...what ever works for him and makes him comfortable, that is a must.
They need to relearn life.
I know it seems so overwhelming right now. Its little steps at a time for both he and all that love him.
The main and only thing is learn how to support ONLY his recovery
Your getting it, as I said...your asking all the right questions :)
I do realize that you have all been where I am as I did read many past posts, that is what made it so easy to post my story.
I am very open-minded and although I have felt some guilt I never blame myself for his use, even though his mother did due to my use of prescription pain meds. I had back surgeries and procedures, but I know there were issues prior, my son even assured me of that. he has admitted to stealing all my work tools and selling them - to the pawn shop where I found out an old coworker bought them from him. I thought he was ready then because it took a lot for him to admit that, but I was wrong. I believe my son loves and respects me, He had a good life as a child and I shared time with him as a supportive father in sports and long ice hockey trips. I never forced him, I am a coach and understand how pressure ruins the athlete. I worked a lot but always shared time with my kids. My son felt he was the cause of my failed marriage when he was released from prison, but I assured him it was not due to him as we just grew apart (we had our 3rd child at age 23, so we didn't get time to ourselves).
After his OD last Monday he stayed with his mom for a few days, I did not see him over Christmas, and he went to a new sober living house on Friday. It is in the same area as his last one and he is waiting for me to give him his Christmas gift from his Grandfather so he can pay for his first week, but I will not do that. I am going to hold on to it for now.
My confusion begins again.......when is it okay to support him? he is in a sober living house but does that constitute my support? Or do I set a time frame of a year or so that he remains clean? In his eyes he is trying, but I know whenever he avoids me he is up to no good, I know his behavior and have been spot on every time I have a gut instinct.
He is not allowed to live with me, my girlfriend and my older son refuse to live with him and I support that. I just told my older son that if he could stay clean for a year and his behavior was stable I would consider him living with us if and only if everyone was ok with it and if he was actively getting support. I totally relate to him never being able to live in the house he grew up in,,,,for he lived there alone for a bit and made many bad choices in that house.
I am very open-minded and although I have felt some guilt I never blame myself for his use, even though his mother did due to my use of prescription pain meds. I had back surgeries and procedures, but I know there were issues prior, my son even assured me of that. he has admitted to stealing all my work tools and selling them - to the pawn shop where I found out an old coworker bought them from him. I thought he was ready then because it took a lot for him to admit that, but I was wrong. I believe my son loves and respects me, He had a good life as a child and I shared time with him as a supportive father in sports and long ice hockey trips. I never forced him, I am a coach and understand how pressure ruins the athlete. I worked a lot but always shared time with my kids. My son felt he was the cause of my failed marriage when he was released from prison, but I assured him it was not due to him as we just grew apart (we had our 3rd child at age 23, so we didn't get time to ourselves).
After his OD last Monday he stayed with his mom for a few days, I did not see him over Christmas, and he went to a new sober living house on Friday. It is in the same area as his last one and he is waiting for me to give him his Christmas gift from his Grandfather so he can pay for his first week, but I will not do that. I am going to hold on to it for now.
My confusion begins again.......when is it okay to support him? he is in a sober living house but does that constitute my support? Or do I set a time frame of a year or so that he remains clean? In his eyes he is trying, but I know whenever he avoids me he is up to no good, I know his behavior and have been spot on every time I have a gut instinct.
He is not allowed to live with me, my girlfriend and my older son refuse to live with him and I support that. I just told my older son that if he could stay clean for a year and his behavior was stable I would consider him living with us if and only if everyone was ok with it and if he was actively getting support. I totally relate to him never being able to live in the house he grew up in,,,,for he lived there alone for a bit and made many bad choices in that house.
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