Hi & Welcome,
I think you already know the answer and you are just looking for someone to confirm it for you. So yes, everything that you mentioned stinks of Heroin abuse. And it does not matter how he takes it, the fact that he is taking it is the issue. It doesn't get better, it only gets worse. As he continues to use and abuse his tolerance is building and the days of stopping when he wants get further away. And as far as using it for pain following a car accident...well, that is just an excuse. He had quite a few other choices he could have made for pain management.
I am sorry to be so blunt but I think you need to hear the truth.
And now that you are there and moved in, please know that you cannot fix him, control him or make him stop. HE has to do that. He has to recognize that he has a problem first off and then ask for help. You can be there to support him if you choose to stay but you can't get well for him.
You have some difficult decisions to make and I wish you the best. Stick around and you will get responses from other members as well. Ask any questions you need. Although it is always slow on Sunday, members do come and go so be patient.
I wish you the best.
Thanx yeh i think i do know the answer even though i am not in anyway naive i guess i am hoping he can get his s^&£ together and we can make a go of this, I am willin to stand by him every step of the way i am no quitter and i know he has been takin his little tablet cocktail to help wean himself off so i guess this is a good sign saw him take them last night. Then he went to bed cuddled up behind me and started wrappin my hair round his figers suckin his thumb and tickling his nose at the same time.....i even recorded some of his behaviour on my fone so i can show him when even he crawls bk in. He is out of his box and thought today was thursday he just seems to have lost 4 days of his life and hasn't got a damn clue wot is goin on. He out drivin about at the moment and i am so scared he is gonna get in an accident or get caught weaving about coz he drives for part of his job so no license no job no money. I am concerned about my valuables too. Games consoles, jewellery etc wot do you think i shud do?
I think he needs professional help such as a treatment center. He is once again, or STILL, self-medicating in order to try and get it right. Taking benzos to get off of Heroin is tricky and very dangerous. Think about it---if he really knew how to do it, he would have done it already.
He doesn't seem to even be in the place where he has admitted that he has a problem, has he? He has a long way to go hun and it will not get better.
I admire you for standing by him but there is a very fine line between supporting someone and enabling someone. Sitting by and allowing this behavior IS enabling...and it is very sad for you and especially sad for the children. They didn't ask for this and they don't deserve it.
I too would be most concerned for the valuables in the house. It is probably just a matter of time before they start disappearing. I know it was that way for me.
Have you had the opportunity to speak with him alone (just you & he) about any of this?
yeh i spoke to him last night when he roled in out his tree. he denied nothing was totally up front about it and i locked off his door and car keys and put his phone on silent coz i knew he wud neva notice.I went with him to buy his valium this morning coz i didnay wanna let him out of my sight. He was good all day and we were talkin frankly all day about it and then he needed to pop out so like a **** i give him his car key to see if he cud actually be trusted to come straight bk well he did come straight bk and called to let me know how far away he was enroute.
Then he come in got 20 quid off me to buy "pizza" for us and will be bk in5 mins....no 15 mins...actually make that an hr i promise i will not leave the house tomorrow and spend the whole day with u....i feel like a right **** coz i am sure he has just gone round to see them wronguns he calls mates 1 at least i know has text him the night and his main junkie friend relative has called too....feel despondant :-(.
hey hun, he didnt deny he was using but then he went back out and got more. you cant chain him up, be with him every moment and be his babysitter. until he is ready to stop, he will not. he has to be sick and tired of his addiction running and ruining his life. it is very hard to live with an addict their deceit and their lies will consume you and your life.
you werent at all aware of his drug use before you moved there?
you think he just started his use now, since you moved there?
you have some decisions to make concerning you and your children.
please take care of you and them first and foremost
well heres the latest. He has been tryin really hard to come off it and has been clean 11 days now at the first the mood swings were terrible and he isn't really sleepin that great keeps me up till 6 and 7 in the morning then am gettin maybe an hr sleep before the kids wake up but he's gettin there.
Nope i had absolutely no idea what so ever he was on heroin before i moved up or i wud not have done it. He has been on and off it a few times over the years but only used to smoke it then he started "jaggin" it last yr sometime.
He was clean when i met him but went back on it after we met and coz i saw him every few weeks obviously with the distance i neva noticed a thing. I never even noticed anything was wrong till i had been here nearly 2 weeks. Since i found out me and his mum have tried everything to help him come off it and after he got lifted by the old bill found passed out behind the wheel did he decide come to the realisation that he has f&%$ed up big time coz thats him now with an impending driving ban, he works as a labourer driver which is now hanging in the balance due to said impending ban plus he been off work 5 weeks tryin to fight this addiction and is due bk monday. But he has be takin blues and yellows to help him with the withdrawals and if he gets drugs tested his job is on the line there too. It was heartbreakin but necessary i think to see him hit rock bottom but he's comin through it and the man i fell in love with is making frequent appearences and i see that more and more each day. I still feel i cud punch his head in for being so stupid but wot wud that achieve. We were talkin today and wots done is done now so we have to look to the future make a go of things and try our best to keep him on the straight and narrow.
hi thanks for checking back in and letting us know how things are going.
you didnt know he was using before you moved up, i can understand that because they can hid their addictions well and since you were communicating on the phone even harder.
i am very concerned that he is still using. i know it isnt H but he is still using an opiate. it is never a good idea to use one drug to detox off another. he has been off work for 5 weeks to fight his addiction. if he would have stopped using the H and went through the detox he would have been much better in one week. as long as he continues to use the yellows and blues he will continue to detox when he stops those also.
has he attended any one on one counseling? therapists,counselors,addictions specialist,psychologists? any support groups, na/aa,church,celebrate recovery,salvation army meetings? he has a prior history of abuse, still was just another relapse, this cycle will continue until he deals with the underlying issues as to why he abuses drugs. it is either self-medicating because of a disorder such as add,adhd,bipolar or from some emotional pain,wounds,scars. as they use these issues get pushed further and further down into the soul,mind,heart,emotions and spirit. please have him seek counseling.
yes he will test positive on monday, he should have already stopped using before today.
have you sought out any counseling for yourself? do you attend church? i would recommend it to strength you and give you support.
i am praying for you
Hi well i was hoping i wud neva have to use this forum again...but here i am again sat in this house on my own while he is out for hours on end. Giving me excuses for his whereabouts that don't make sense.
He got paid 1600 quid wednesday other then bills he has spent about 200 odd quid in cash and then he's being buyin his fags and little bits with his card....200 in cash??? wot did he buy?? something for the kids like he promised, took me out like he promised??? no he has nothing to show other then a haircut for a fiver.
We live with his mum and she knows something isn't right too and has asked us to start payin digs...with my bills and the disaster commonly known as my car costing me 180 quid out of the 300 quid i had i have no money left. He is meant to be providing for us starting this month and all i can see is he is providing himself with something which is suspect to say the least.
Two days last week he came into the house for a total of 30 mins over the 2 days....when he did come in he was in a nasty mood and told me i was a ***** and that i wud drive him to take drugs coz i ask to spend a little time with him. He then told me to to pack my bags and leave....20 mins later he was really sorry and loved me and neva meant it....next day was the same storyand he told me to get out and disappeared.
As u can imagine i was distraught i packed my stuff up and was ready to call my ex husband to come and help me get bk even sorted out my flat to go back to too. Then i heard from him and he asked if we cud just put all the bad stuff behind us and start a fresh. He came home when i asked him to last night but even that took him 2 and half hrs he reckoned he come from work which granted can take a good hr and a half if its heavy traffic or the weather is bad but somewhere along the line he took 40 quid out the cash point. He took me to the shop for nappies and a few bits of junk which he then paid for on the card and then for a takeaway but he had to take out another 30 quid to pay for the takeaway. Didn't think much of it coz at least i got to spend some quality time.
As u know me and my kids came up here first week of june and so far me and him have not done one single thing alone ie cinema or out for a drink nothing. Last month we were meant to go out but he spent a chunk out of his money paid his direct debits but me who is still not workin was left to pay 400 quid towards a car i am not allowed to drive. All my jewellery had to be pawned the month before that coz we had no money then either.
I wud say he was clean and behaving nice for about 9 weeks then the weird stuff started again. I know he is not jaggin it again this time and trust me i have been looking. His pupils haven't been particularly tiny but i have noticed and i am positive he told me if he ever doesn't drink ANY alcohol when he's in and not working then something is wrong...he hasn't drunk nothing for ages. He told me its wot addicts tend to do they swap one addiction for another which to start with was vodka but the mix of vodka and valium left him really aggressive so he stopped drinking it as well as the fact when he drinks vodka now he gets bad stomach pains. So he turned to lager and seemed to be gettin bk on track. He is really secretive and neva lets his phone out his sight and the 2 times he has i have noticed(not that i was lookin but he left the phone unlocked with the message on the screen in the kitchen) and both texts were along the lines of are you looking for some we can deliver and the other was no one has got any.....now both times i have been fobbed off and told i misread the message how the delivery one was about a car for me and the other was about the gym or some nonsense.
Even today he was meant to pick up his mum but got as far as liftin 20 from the cashpoint and the next hr who the hell knows where he was told me some bollocks about havin to fix something on his van...in this time his mums callin askin if i know where he was coz she sat in the rain waiting for him for ova half an hour. He came in all franctic asks if i have any of the 300 quid i had to pay my car and bills left, when i said no he was like oh mum wants digs now i was just wondering its no problem then he was bk out the door again.
I feel so **** coz my little girl is 5 next week and coz i had to pay the installment for his car last month i have 1 pound to my name and he said he was going to buy her presents kicked up a huge fuss about it too coz i didn't believe him. My kids have grown out their clothes too and i can't afford to buy them anymore coz all my savings when i first got here went on him and his habit and all other money since he got clean has been spent on bills and helping out his mum coz she's no savings left either from giving it to him and covering his car installments for months. So i reckon my girl will have to go without presents and a cake coz i can't afford it and he is clearly using his money for his own needs. His daughter has a birthday towards the end of this month too and and he told me i have to help give her 150 quid...but my girl is gonna end up with nothing.
Ha even as i speak to u now i see the girl walkin past the house that used to help him get veins up...i wanna punch her in the face just to make me feel better!! Anyway so thats him and hr and a half ago going to the cashpoint to get his mum money and still the money is in the bank and he is nowhere to be seen no doubt whizzed bk to where ever it is he hangs out to finish wot he started earlier. How will i know for sure if he has been smoking it?? Are there any physical signs i can look for?? I hear that his pupils might not pin ***** if he has been using regularly. I am at my wits end. I told him time and time agian i will not hang around if he is on it again and he swears down and goes totally mental if anyone suggests he is at it again. He says addicts lose there feelings and don't care about anyone when they are on it...that is defo how it seems to be again. I was meant to be unpacking today but something is tellin me to leave it. His mum has said she will throw him out if he is using again he doesn't seem to care about that. We even put our name on the council list for our own place when he got himself sorted and we are very close to the top of the list now. I am kind of hoping its not wot it seems but i know that wud be stupid and naive of me. I am not an idiot and seeing as it not very long ago i went thru this for the first time the memories are fresh in my head and i don't seem to be able to let them go so i don't know if that is clouding my judgement or not. Please reply i need someone to talk too. Feel helpless and stupid....again :-( Sorry for the rant....
RUN as fast as you can away from there. Its one thing for you to choose to stay because you want to tolerate his crap but when YOYR babies are going with out that's to much. As a mother that is always #1 and your boyfriend well if he comes around and gets it together then it will be his choice ob his own time meanwhile your kids are going with out so he can get high. There has to be a boundary set. I know its hard I'm going threw the same with my boyfriend right now with his heroin addiction and lies. U feel like you are in your own personal rehab of loss and pain but we are strong and don't need to be selfish and escape it by getting high. Everyday will get easier when your on your own. Hang in there you are not alone
i think at this point it would be better to call your x and go back to your flat.
your bf only cares about using now. your kids need clothes and your 5 yr old cant get a present because you spend it on him.
you have re-located for him, used your money and you have been treated badly,lied to and used.
he loves the drugs more now than you. in active addiction that is always the case.
i am praying for you to be strong
don't feel strong at all. i have managed to lose loads of weight since i have been here i am always on edge and worrying about money and wot he is or is not doing so far in the last week i have lost half a stone. I have no interest in eating or anything. Tell u wot i have never ever cried over him until this last week. Feel really crappy and down.....i know wot everyone is saying is right but.... :'-( ps my family and friends still have no idea wot has been happening.