Withdraw all your support. let her know you will take the kids for awhile, if she needs rehab. Don't help her in any way. Her job, her kids, you, none if it will matter if she keeps using. It sounds heartless, but it's true. She has to have consequences that inspire her to do this for herself. Kids are not enough, job security is not enough, she has to realize she is out of control. As long as someone picks up the pieces, she can keep living out her selfish life. I know, I've been there. My kids mean everything to me, but I couldn't quit for them. I love my wife as much as is possible, but I couldn't quit for her. I had to feel alone and desperate to wake up. In the end, my wife never left physically, but she stopped helping me in any way. She even laid in bed crying, while I gasped for air and was very close to bed, but she told me she wouldn't give me CPR again. That was a close call. I know now that I am a good person, but I am an addict. I always meant well, I always provided for my family. I provided everything but me. It was the threat of having noone to support, the fear of dying alone that pushed me to do it for myself. It felt selfish, but it was the only way. I had to focus on me and my addiction, it took total isolation to realize that. Her job is not worth a life of drugs, nothing is. It will be hard, but cut her off. If the kids are in danger, take them. Do what it takes, she will thank you one day. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I still feel sad and embarrassed about how I acted, but I'm making up for it now. Does she know she has a problem?
She knows she has a problem and that's why she went on the methadone treatment. She doses daily but the amount is decreasing. She and the kids live with us. If I kick her out she will take the kids with her and I have no recourse at this point. My problem with her is dealing with her immature behavior and lack of intelligent decision making skills. I guess I just needed to vent a little but thank you for your response and good luck on your continued recovery.
You don't have to kick her out, but I'm sure you help her in some way. Does her methadone clinic require NA or counseling? I would require that, if she lived with me. The thing is, methadone is synthetic, time release heroin. It changes people over time, they don't even know, I didn't. Stopping drugs, or going on a drug therapy drug, is only the beginning. She really has to work on why she used, she likely doesn't know, or thinks it was only about the party. Drugs block our emotional pain too, hence the heartless, self-centered, immature attitude you are discribing. Cognative/Behavioral Therapy works best for me. Personal growth and maturing as a drug addict is a lot of work. If she doesn't work the 12 steps or try to better herself in any way, I feel she may stay immature her whole life. Do you do anything for her or give her money? Is there any consequences you could give her at all? I fear more for the kids growing up learning her behavior than anything else. I grew up around immature party parents, I became a severe drug addict. It sounds like she has a pretty easy life, I don't have anyone but my wife to watch the kids, and am so thankful, that must be nice to have you. She is a lucky girl, I wish she appreciated it more. I'm always jealous of people with good parents. I finally am a good one, so the cycle stops here. Anyway, hope something changes for your family soon, it is very hard loving an addict.
God Bless You.