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Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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Avatar universal

Dealing with my emotions over addicted daughter

My question. Well I have so many jumbled feelings. My daughter is 26. Been a heroine meth addict for years now. We are raising her son. Sometimes I have great days and life is what it is and I'm ok. But today...my business partners asked for me to relinquish part of my ownership in our business...said my heart wasn't in it. Funny...my heart isn't into a job so much. In fact most areas of my life seemed dictated by my daughters addiction. I feel lost in the consequences of my daughters choices. Actually I feel like I'm throwing a pitty party. That's probably more accurate. I feel like I can't choose anything I WANT to do. If I could do what I wanted I would be a stay at home mom. But I can't...my son is about to go to college and we will have a lot of expenses. I need to grieve the loss of my daughter...but I can't let go and grieve because I feel like that says I'm giving up. I will always be there for her. My question: so many people speak so positively of all they have learned. How do I move forward. How do I let go and let God? I was curious how others have processed over to a side of gratitude and love?
3 Responses
Avatar universal
I am so sorry for your pain.  You don't mention if you go to counseling of any sort.  I would find someone who works with addiction and make time to go weekly. If you don't care for that person, move on and find someone else. You must take care of yourself.  It is imperative. If you "can't let go and let God" then perhaps you havent found the right Church.  A great Pastor can be a source of comfprt as a church group of like minded people. I started attending a evangelical Church (after a lifetime as a Roman Catholic) and feel very connected spiritually, and that has helped me in my struggles.
Keep posting here.  This is a really great site for info.  I pray that God will enter your daughter's life.

Avatar universal
Thanks for answering. I am actually going to counseling.. Started a few weeks ago. I have 6 years of addiction to sort through and all the feelings of betrayal and hurt my daughters actions have caused. Just last week I drug tested her Monday and she failed. Later that day she was given reason to believe she may have hepc. Further testing was done sat. I feel stuck. And honestly mad at myself a little bit that my other 3 children and grandson doesn't come first, I don't come first...I feel so guilty to NOT help her that I do sacrifice everything....even my own sanity to try and help her. It seems logically crazy. But every now and then...like when she found out she may be hepC she cried in my arms like a child. It makes me feel hopeful. But yet stuck with her in my house. I honestly don't know if her crying was genuine or a manipulation because she knew she failed a drug test earlier that day. I'm at a loss. Pretty overwhelmed.
1530493 tn?1410056636
So sorry for your pain...I remember it clearly.

As stated above, right now the biggest asset to you, will be Your higher power, someone that's been in your shoes, and YOUR will to continue by putting yourself first.
I know easy words to say, much harder to do.

Enable...It took me a very long time to understand that, but was the first thing I was told NOT to do, its also the biggest.
I also felt like you...how do you not help your sick child, that needs you ?
First of all, we NEVER give up, but we need to learn how to redirect, and by that I mean Our lives.
Know there is ALWAYS HOPE.
What I found to be the biggest enabler of my sons addiction, was he just knowing I was there.  
In the beginning...I always tried to fix everything...pick up his broken pieces.  Take over the care of all that he could no longer care for.
By doing that...I saw how I enabled him.
I backed away, made him responsible for his own actions...I thought that was enough.  
It wasn't...
Even though I made him responsible, I still allowed him to stay in my home...my home was his biggest trigger.
His comfort zone.
The day came after many ods and several suicide attempts , that "I" finally realized I could no longer let him do this to ME.
I let his addiction, become my problem...it took over my life.
I couldn't help him...only he could do that.
We Never give up on our kids, but the day came in my life, I was just to numb to continue.  Nothing I could make myself do....it just happened.
The day I told him I would support his recovery 1000%, but no longer his addiction in any way...meaning until he was clean...I needed to let him go.
Not only did it give me a bit of peace, it was the day my son started to turn the corner.
Mt attitude towards him changed, when it did, so did his.
They love us...very deeply, they know they hurt us, they don't want too.
Some times it take shove, to help them find their way home.

In my thoughts...your not alone here, we all understand
We can do this together
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