Welcome to Medhelp and thank you for sharing your story.
This is our (concise) story. My husband i had gotten together when he was going through a divorce, because his wife was having the same problem with him, getting clean and sober, relapsing .. and repeat. He was a big part of co-parenting his daughter, in fact he worked and then came home to look after his baby girl, sleeping while she was in daycare for a few hours a day. It's easy to see why he might burn out. He was making big bucks, there should have been a nanny to help support the family. When he relapsed, he should have had the option, or, the ultimatum, of seeing an Addictions Therapist and getting into a program of aftercare support. Instead, his wife drove him to the police station and dropped him off when he was drunk and/or using.
When i met my husband, i was an active drug user (heroin, crack) and alcoholic, while he was an oxy and alcohol addict. While he was a functioning addict (working) and i was not working i decided to "GO TO ANY LENGTHS" and took the route of treatment. Everything that i was doing rubbed off on him and for the first few years he stayed clean and sober.
1) I went to an Addiction's Therapist.
2) I entered into an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) 30 days.
3) I had a year long Alumni Group meeting once a week with those that i went through the program with.
4) I urine tested for the 30 days, and also for the year following in the weekly group meetings.
5) i realized that the urine testing was helping, and as i was going through a custody issue, i initiated blood/urine testing for an additional 2 plus years every second day during my lunch hour.
6|) i got a job right out of rehab.
7). We bought a house and got custody of my 11 year old son.
8) During my rehab, the year long weekly IOP group meetings/ Addiction Therapist weekly meetings, and drug testing I also attended "closed" women's AA meetings, where i joined a "home group" of AA (could have used NA but my more likely route of relapse would have started with alcohol) I got a sponsor. This continued for the first couple of years.
9) While at work i was injured. and because of the added stress my husband relapsed.
10) He immediately came told me (part of the commitment we had made to each other) . As it turned out , he became Paranoid Schitzophrenic) so I had to go to his family doctor and have him committed to a Psychiatric Ward for 3 weeks to get him on medication. Mainly what happened to him was that when using he couldn't sleep, and that caused his Paranoid Schitzophrenia). After that he went to a 90 day Relapse Prevention Program (also part of our commitment should ether of us relapse).
Apart from the week or so of his relapse, my husband and myself have been clean and sober since '99.
The difference between his first marriage and his second, is that we used the Programs and Services available for addicts.
It is also suggested that a person go to Alanon or NarAnon, which is a family group designed to have those people living with an addict learn how to not enable them. I skipped this part of the program because we had a plan of action in place, and there was no amount of enabling in our particular case, but i hear great things from people that have attended Alanon and NarAnon. It might be a good place for you to gain support for yourself.
I suggest your first move be to an Addictions Therapist, and follow through with using the services and methods that that worked for us and many addicts. There have to be consequences to an addict relapsing, and the consequences need to be more relapse prevention programming. IMO
Because our attendance at AA dropped off after the first couple/few years, we did not "quit" going. If i have any problem at all, concerning cravings, i can call my sponsor still, and go to any one of 30 meetings within my town. It would be the first line of defense should i stat "stinking thinking".
Have you talked about talking to an Addiction's Therapist.?
