Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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Avatar universal

I need help

It has been almost a week now since my boyfriend has been off to detox.

I met him almost a year ago and we fell in love very quickly. We moved in together on Valentines Day, and on last wednesday, he told me he had been on the needle using heroin.

I knew he had used before, but from my understanding he kicked the habit before we met (cold turkey with no help), and he had been sober our whole relationship. But, as the days went by, I went on a sleuthing rampage and found out that he had been lying to me about everything (the length of time he used, and even his job.) So now what do I believe is real? Was I his cash cow (I had lent him money under false pretenses and money even went missing) and he never loved me?

The important thing to remember is that HE admitted HIMSELF into rehab with no one else convincing him. He wants help. And when I confronted him with the lies he fessed up immediately and told me he never wanted to hurt me and that he loves me more than anything in the world. I thought it would be best to confront him with my new found knowledge while he was in a facility, so hed be safe, and so far hes greatly impressed me.

The sad thing is, I always had suspicions, but I ignored them because i loved him so much and just wanted to be happy, and i know that through that, I became the enabler.

So I guess my question is this: have any of you experienced this before and how did you handle it? was it the right move? should i abandon my love for him to save myself? or should i stay in this and help him as much as i can?

Thank you for reading, I know its a long post.
12 Responses
Avatar universal
I have no advice to give. Just wanted to let you know I'm right there with you facing the same situation.
Avatar universal
I'm here with you. I've been living with my heroin boyfriend for two year. I found he was using when we first got together. I told his mom and we tried to help and he said he could do it on his own. And we let him at this point he wasn't using a needle he was smoking. He was passing his **** test. But things started getting bad he stole three thousand dallors from my bank and every check I had money went missing. But I just kept believing his lies because I loved him so much. Well in October we got in a huge fight and he left for a week he came back and I saw marks on his arm and he told me they were bed bugs bites we had bed bugs so I believed it. Come to find out that's when he started using needles. About two weeks ago I found him on the bathroom floor overdosed with a needle on the floor. Scariest moment of my life there was my true love on the ground looking dead. Well after this he said he would go to rehab and that he wanted to get clean.he had to spend a week in jail and now he is in rehab and I keep thinking to myself should I stay even thought he us once again the man I loved can I get though this. So I'm on the same boat with you.
Avatar universal
How is it that they can love us but then put us through such torture? I was blind to a lot, but I couldn't have completely imagined his love for me...

If you love someone then how do you start using such a destructive drug? And then lie about it? And steal? I just don't get it. I've always known the world isn't just black and white but this I never knew it could be this unclear.
Avatar universal
I just want him to get better, and i want to trust he'll stay better. I have to draw the line somewhere, but his actions so far have been for the right reasons so im willing to give him one more chance. But it just hurts so much to know he lied to me so much.
Avatar universal
Don't  take the  addict's behavior personally. He has a monster in him that is winning the battle. It makes us do things we despise. I've beaten my monster but have to continue fighting everyday. Over time it got easier. Eventually, I was in complete control. The key was changing my life. There have been some struggles since, it's  tough.
I'm afraid I can't offer much on how it is to deal with an addict, but I can tell you about being one and (perhaps) why.
If there's any questions you're curious about just call or text me anytime  416 827 085one.

Avatar universal
Well once he out if he starts using again leave him that's a good point to draw the line that's what I'm doing.
Avatar universal
As a recovering addict I would reiterate what Gdeee said, as difficult as it is, try not to take it personally.  He can love you with all his being but addiction is a force that even the strongest love cannot reckon with. The fact that he voluntarily went to detox and sought help and also was open with you is bigger than you know. You cannot force an addict to get help, they must want it for themselves first. I think he is lucky to have you and could really benefit from your support. It is probably a major motivator for him. Do your research on addiction so you can understand what he is going through and seek support for yourself. Just a warning, he may slip here and there but if he is putting forth a committed effort, try to stand by him. Recovering addicts and addicts in recovery are some of the most amazing people you will ever meet who will give of themselves to others. Keep us posted of his progress and how you are doing.
Avatar universal
Thank you all for your help. I have been struggling with a lot of my own emotions but the bottom line is that i love him and want to help in every way possible, even if that means making hard decisions. But he took a big step and im extremely proud of him.
Avatar universal
Hang in there...how is he doing? How are you?
Avatar universal
I'm in the same situation almost, my bf is in detox as of now. My dad overdosed from heroin when I was 18, it was a shock as is this one with my bf, he said he had a problem before with oxys when I started dating him and he has been years clean. Ive been lied and munipulated alot of the years but when he finally admitted the other day he was using I forgave him, but said if he didn't take rehab serious and give it his all I had to walk away.

Its extremely hard, but I think if you want to make it work with your bf after it's going to take some counselling together to build trust back. Same situation for me, someone also suggested to find a narc-anon meeting in area where you live. There's a site if you go on google. It's just for family,friends of loved ones with a problem.

Stay strong and take care of yourself ♡
Avatar universal
Actually it was you that suggested the narc-anon meeting to me the other day :)

Thank you for that, hang in there
Avatar universal
Thank you for all the support guys. From what I hear, my bf is doing extremely well working with his counselor, but i can only talk to him a few minutes one day a week while a counselor is present. I think its better that way. Hes to return home april 1st, and hopefully he will stay committed to his recovery and we can follow through with plans of marriage and a future together. I can only take things one day at a time, but my future is looking bright, and so is his. So hopefully our futures can come together again, this time with trust and real commitment.
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