Is it possible he isn't cheating while smoking crack?

[twinkle0206]

Hi, I am new to all this, I don't use any kind of drugs...I only drink beer from time to time.  I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, we live together...I have a 14 yr old dauhter that lives with us.  My boyfriend steals my car and my phone while I am asleep and oes on crack binges..I have Food Stamps for me and my daughter and he has even sold that for crack leaving us with no food.  He took our tax money and was gone for three days leavin me with no car nor phone.  He always comes back regeretful and feeling very low about himself...Last week we had an arguement and he took my car, as soon as i noticed my car gone i called a friend to come get me...I sorta of know where he goes to get his fix..it's 4 blocks over...where crackheads walk the street...i found him and he had a women with him....I made her get out of the car and talked him into coming home...on the way home he drove thru that neighborhood and was flagged down by another woman, he stopped and let her in...with me screaming and hitting him telling him no!!!  He just kept saying" she is just going to get my crack thats all" " i'm sorry"....in conversation after this come to find out thats all he has getting his crack is women...all 4 times...he says they getin the car show him where to go, get his crack, he carries them back and smokes it by himself...i ask what they got out of it, he said they get some of the crack for themsleves....I know notheing about crack, he say he can't et an erection while on crack...Is he cheating with these women or is it possible to ride with these ****** for days and not be sexual at all??    Note...when he gets home after his binges, he is really turned on and wanting sex from me! .

[concernedmommy84]

Unfortunately, I am going through something similar.  I have been with this guy for 2 years, he has a crack addiction and drinking problem, along with a narcissistic issue steming from an unhealthy mother-son development.  I had hid it from my family, who respected and loved him.  I can say that many addicts act out the sexual fantasies differently.  he is highly motivated to be sexual but unable to get an erection. not saying that this is the case with everyone.  He uses in our bedroom bathroom or our bedroom most times while I may be in another room of the house.  I don't think he cheats with this addiction, but again everyone is different.  This case is much worse bc 3 days ago I caught him fondling my 4 year daughter while he was high. I rushed her to the ER and called the police. I moved out and I am writing you from my sisters laptop at her house.  
I will say this to you. I know you love him, as I still love this monster.  And maybe you need to here that he is not a monster. Its hard for us to swallow that we love someone that continuously hurts us. So think of it this way, he has an issue that you cannot resolve for him..nor do you need to waste your life, endanger your children HOPING that he will get help. Bc even after getting help there is still a risk that he may regress back to using.  Its not worth it.  Be a friend to him, and pray for him...as you are packing your bags and getting out before you find the worse nightmare of your life: YOUR KIDS HAVING TO SUFFER FOR A BAD EMOTIONAL DECISION YOU MADE TO STAY WITH AN ADDICT!

Also look for support groups to help your esteem.
Love you, you are in my prayers! AND YOU CAN DO IT WITH THE HELP OF GOD! I didn't think I could, but I am doing it. Right now. As we speak, with all the hurt, and all the pain, I know I am doing what I have to do. And it will get easier.

[fieldsbatman]

most men I met that smoked, wanted sex, lots of sex.  I met and married a crack head because I was afraid of him.  I'd never met anyone like that in my life.  He had sex with a crack head female on my wedding night. I went and got checked, and yep, positive for gonereha. It seems there is an entire different culture involved in that drug. The majority of men do become very aroused, some just cannot get it up at all. I think the women participate just to get more dope.
Just my experience. He tried to kill me twice within 11 days of the marriage, thought he'd get money from my retirement. Yep, I was an older woman, educated, and still had no clue this crap went on.
Me? I'd run as fast as I could, The thing is, for some reason, the worst men are the hardest to leave. Besides having to be good lovers to get away with their game, they are stalkers.

[Lisalovesome2]

I don't know what to say my boyfriend smokes stay gone for hours sometimes days and he say he's not cheatin he say he needs help and he wonts to quit but he never goes for the help and i also feel he is being with another woman and his crack.

[Alana34]

I would say that his first love and desire is crack. I went through this, and didn't give a crap about sex, boyfriends, ect. I did not prositutemyself I got out b4 that thank god. The EXACT  moment when you just get high, I can see sex being wanted, but your saying he gets home and well, has enough time for that immediate high to go down. Your mood changes very fast after that first 3 sec high, as you start to crash, Guilt may be one of his emotions. He has a family he loves and is doing crack, He may be having sex to "try to mnake it up" in his own cracked up way. I have a sibling that ruined his family and his life by being heavily addicted to crack. Its reallly hard, really hard, but you are staying in his life so he can screw up over and over and go to his family. My sibling, got so bad, he was spending 500 dollars a day on crack, he had two kids and a baby on the way. Wife just said, " if he doesn't clean up this time, I will leave" he never did, in fact, he ended up dealing, childwelfare got involved, so he had to stop,so he started drinking, and things just got worse. For you and your familys sake, right him a letter, tell him why you have to go, photocopy it, because he may ripp it up and not remember why. explain you love him, but you need him clean. send the letter every two weeks for 6 weeks. sometimes loosing everything and hitting rock bottum, is what someone needs to get through, especially if you remind him you are there when he is clean. please get couselling help. social services will not get involved if you tell them you left until you know hes clean and they willl help you, along with other agencies. And believe me, you, your daughter, and no other women is important to him right now, crack is what he wants noone is important till he gets his fix. btw.. it sounds like you dererve way better then this, but we cant pick who we love

[notperfect731]

Yeah, that rounds it up. I wish i was as strong as you. The choice be with me or not, take me with my addiction or nothing. I know that, and the I will get clean, no more. I wish I was smart enough to just keep moving on, i left him for over two years and went back. The kids, and i missed the family life. Word to the wise, never look back or you might get two more kids out of it.

[notperfect731]

Hi, I have been with a Edmonton crackhead for 9 years on and off. I have the same questions that leave me up in the night. We have four children and now my worst nightmare has come true. There is nothing you can do, some cheat, some don't. I don't understand why the man comes home wanting sex after a binge. I don't know if they are getting sex all over the place, I know if they are sleeping with you steady that may mean he is enjoying you for all your worth. That he is in there somewhere ok, but no one is going to change him.
He is the only one that will, my crackhead is a redhead, he has four children with me, and if i get one picture or message of evidence, I am done like over done. I am actually leaving him, my heart loves him and his great need for someone in this world. But the truth is he can't have anyone but himself now, and he should hold that in his responsibility.
Don't believe trash on here, they love to cause problems. i had my own drug problem, and some men do love the women in there life. They only want one most of the time, drugs are the only focus right now.
And the hurtful picture is to look and see that this person is only hurting, and may only fall deeper into the underworld of drugs. He may even sell himself for sex.
We can leave these guys together and find good men. Trust me, I have four kids and was in school. I still have to go to school and become a doctor. Treat them as sick, in mind above all. The men are disgusting, and the women are worse. Never trust a women on drugs they know nothing of the heart, they sold there heart along time ago, and soon men do too.
Women never really come back if they haven't already, drugs only destory.
My best friend is my lover who is addicted only for this i would have gone along time ago. I wanted to care and love him out of this terrible thing, but it only empowers them to do more.
This is a bad thing cause the more love you feed them, the more they die. Treat them well, and love them from afar, and try to support yourself, cause anything is better then having to stress like we do.
Acceptance of this is our answer and your not the only women out there that feels the same way.
Give him no reason to hate you, and leave kindly as possible, try day by day, month by month and year by year to leave this horrible feeling of staying up all night worried about why can't we just live normal in love.