Your comment is kinda confusing. Is he still sober? Is he saying when he is sober he realizes you are not the same person anymore? Because this is pretty common. When someone decides to sober up, THEY are not the sa me person anymore. And either of the partners may realize that they are not a good fit anymore.
Just wondering if that's your name.. JoNeil Obrian? it's suggested not to use real names (in case you didn't know). Hope you find the help you need, i' know this is a hard time. and I'm sorry for your recent losses, Please accept my condolences. Please know that your loved ones feel your pain and wish you to be happy despite your loss. They're in heaven and will be there until you are. So, please don't fret. You have these spirits watching over you now.