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Avatar universal

Looking for ears. My mom is a meth addict

I guess this isn't really a question, more of a cry for help. I'm 16, and just last year I found out my mom is a meth addict. I should have known by the way she acted. When I was little my grandparents talked a little about her addiction but hell, I was young. I didn't think anything of it. I thought everything was normal, until I was about 9 or 10 years old. My mom woke me up in the middle of the night to run an errand with her, we got to this hotel about twenty minutes away and not even 10 minutes later she was arrested and I was taken in by foster care. I lived with my grandparents for a couple years after that because child services didn't think my mom was stable. Anyways, after that things just got weird. No, they got hard. I moved back with my mom when I was about 13. Worst decision I've ever made. Her boyfriend was very abusive, and it would get so intense he'd break her bones. I couldn't take it. Every time I'd try to stand up for her, I was the new target. Let's skip to 8th grade, my mom and I were upstairs. She elbowed me, and jokingly I nudged her back. I didn't think anything of it. But out of nowhere she started screaming at me! She threw this internet thing at my head, and ran at me. She pushed me down my stairs and told me to leave. So that's exactly what I did, I walked out the front door. She ran after me, grabbed me by the hair and drug me inside. She told me if I tried leaving again she'd call the cops. I was scared ********, I left. I ran to my neighbors, and told them what happened. I've never ran so fast in my life. They called me a ride and they took me to my friends house 15 miles out of town. Sure enough she called the cops. She told me I was dead if she saw me, called me a worthless piece of ****. She found me and broke out my friends kitchen window and was screaming at me telling me she was going to kill me, so I called the police myself. They didn't come. I was basically screwed. Eventually I have up and went outside, she took me back to the police station where I told them my mom pushed me down the stairs, they told me that it was good my mom was disciplining me. Fantastic. Everything was okay for a while after that whole incident. For now. A couple weeks later I was sitting on my couch in my basement with my two best friends. I had 10 dollars in my pocket. My mom came home and ran down the stairs and told me she needed the money for cigarettes. Might I add that it was 2 in the morning. I told her I needed it for lunch the next day. Which I did considering there's never any food in my house. She grabbed me by the wrist, and pulled me off the couch and snarled at me. Who is this woman? Where's my mom,? I threw it at her as she was walking back up the stairs screaming about how worthless I am. Now let's get to the now. The present. One day. Not long ago I went into her room only to find 3 pipes. They were round at the bottom and dirty! There was broken glass, lighters, straws. Etc. I wanted to scream at this point. I didn't mention to her that I found it, but I think she knew anyways. She always has this padlock on her bedroom door. Now I see why. Everyday is a constant struggle. I never know what kinda mood she'll be in. If I'm lucky, she's high. I'm 16 and I work 4 jobs to support my meth addict mother. Every penny of my paycheck goes to her addiction and I want to stop! I'm tired of working my *** off for this **** excuse for a mother, who calls me every curse word in the book and is constantly bringing me down. A couple months ago, some guy showed up to my house and pulled a gun on my mother because she owed him money. Sometimes I wish he woulda pulled the damn trigger. I don't know how to live with this anymore. I can't be home alone because there's always crazy meth heads outside my house. Oh, also, did I mention that she sells drugs to MY friends? Yeah, thanks mom. She's ruining my life. And I'm done.
16 Responses
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7284346 tn?1402238725
Oh my goodness... honey I am so sorry you're going through this.

Are your grandparents still around? Are you able to go live with them? Are there any other family members you who may be able to take you in? Friends families? You need to get out of that situation... so you can focus on the life of a sixteen yr. old... school~!

I also want to encourage you to go to your high school counselor's office if you haven't already done so. They have resources and can give you guidance in the flesh... but be aware, here in California, all counselors are mandated to report abuse... and that may be the law where you are as well. This is a GOOD thing!!  The law needs to step in.  This is what you need and truly what your mother needs.... my opinion... to get you out of there.  

There are also al-anon meetings... nar-anon meetings... they are every where in every community, and they usually have multiple meeting on several days of the week at different times... find one PLEASE. You really need support right now. I know you're young... but this would be so so good for you. You will find a group of people there that will surround you with comfort, love and support... AND probably suggestions and WISDOM on HOW to deal with this whole situation in your particular community.  They may know just the right resources, networks, people to HELP YOU!!  Please seek out one of these meetings honey... I truly believe this would be so helpful to you.  I know for me the support from these wonderful people has been life saving... even if my situation has been quite different, we all need support and love and comfort. :)

I am PRAYING for YOU sweet girl!  My heart goes out to you honey... I will not cease praying of you... I hope you will stay in contact and update us... please reach out for help. Choose to change your life because ONLY YOU can sweet heart... I know this is a BIG life for a 16 year old... and it may not seem fair... damn it ... life ain't fair. It just is what it is.. right?  But you are obviously a very strong person!! You CAN do this!!  I can hear it in your words :).  You CAN!  Reach out. Get the help you need. and.. make the change you need... go get the life you deserve to have!! :)  

God be with YOU honey!! May the God that surpasses all understanding and gives comfort and peace shine His face upon YOU and give you the strength and wisdom you need and seek.
Prayers out!  Keep coming back.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I love the name you've chosen. I have a 17 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. I am a recovering addict and the pain I have caused them haunts me every day. I am sure that your mother loves you but is too messed up to be a parent. That's not an excuse, it's just the way it is. You have every right to be mad. You deserve a parent! The advice given to you about Nar-Anon and seeking the help of a counselor is very wise. I too will be praying for you you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Unfortunately, I'm not doing very well in school. I can't focus on anything but work. How I'm supposed to keep this monster tamed. My counselor at the school just so happens to be my biggest bully. She called me out in front of the whole school saying a kid caught me with a meth pipe outside the school. Which is completely ridiculous and not true at all..! She harasses me because my mom got arrested. My grandmother passed away, she was the only one taking care of me. Not that I need anyone to take care of me now because I'm older. My grandfather doesn't talk to me anymore. And my dad is Missing in action. I appreciate all your advice, it really did help. I want to send my mom to rehab but I really don't want to go back to my foster home. Which is exactly what will happen if the law steps in. It's so complicated. I planned on sending her to rehab on my 18th birthday because then I can make my own decisions. But I know if I wait that long, it might be too late. I'm just tired of getting kicked out of my own home every other week. I really just want my mom back. Thank you for all your prayers. It means a lot!!!(:
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Avatar universal
Thank you (:
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8590589 tn?1398849474
Where do u live hun? Are there any shelters for abused women/children? I'm so sorry u have no where to go.
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7284346 tn?1402238725
Hey honey...
I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated and alone and bullied... okay so. What I DO want to encourage you to do when you're not working or going to school... :)... is find an nar-anon or al-anon meeting. You will find some support there. You will also learn some skills there to cope with all of this dysfunction with your mom until you have better resources.  It's certainly NOT a perfect solution, but at least you will have some support which you or anyone in your situation needs.  We all need support :)  

Praying for you and your mom.  I know you want your mom back.  Remember you cannot make her healthy... you didn't cause it, you can't control, and you can't cure it.  You CAN make yourself the best most healthy YOU as you can :). That is what you can do... with the help of others! Go for it because YOU are worth it!!
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8590589 tn?1398849474
I hope u r okay. I have been prayin for you sweety.
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3197167 tn?1348968606
Alateen would be a great place to start.  This link has some other stories from other teens who have an alcoholic/addict as a parent.  You can find a local meeting near you, an electronic meeting, and if Alateen isn't in your area you are more than welcome to attend Al-Anon meetings.

http://al-anon.alateen.org/for-teens

Talking to other teens who are in a very similar situation would really help.  You cutting back on your schooling and working 4 jobs to support your addicted mother is NOT healthy.....for her or for you.  There is a way out.....just find a crack in the door and the door will open for you.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I'm really sorry that your foster care didn't work out for you. Was it because you didn't like the house rules? You are very independent ,and I could see where that might not mesh well with foster parent's who might think that studies should be your priority.

Did you miss being with your mom? Did you feel responsible to look after her and that if you weren't there, something bad might happen to her? That would be part of the codependent behavior that you hear about when in Alateen or Alanon. It is not your responsibility to "look after" your mom. In fact, it would be best if there was no one there to give her money to buy her drugs. It would be an awful thing on your conscience i'm afraid, if something did happen to her with drug money that she got from you.

As a mother, after hearing your story, I would have to say that it would probably be to your benefit to study and get the grades, and the mindset so that you can attend college when you get your GED. If that means going to a foster home, then i would think that it would be the best plan for you. Can you talk about why you refuse to go into foster care, and live like a 16 year old girl?

You're in my thoughts and my prayers sweet girl. Addiction is so ugly, You're going to need therapy to help you leave behind the h ell that you've been forced to see to vividly. I'm so sorry that this is happening for you.;(
I'm here if you ever need to talk. Please keep us informed.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I was in foster care when I was about 8 or 9, I wasn't there long because my grandparents gained custody of me. I followed my foster parents rules but really just wanted my mom back. I guess I didn't really understand the situation at the time. I lived with my grandparents up until just a couple years ago. When my grandma passed away my life kinda just fell apart and I moved back in with my mom. Which just so happened to ruin my life even more. I do feel like it's my responsibility to take care of my mom, and I would hate to see anything bad happen to her. I feel like I'm being selfish because I want to send her to rehab but I don't want to go back to a foster home. I'm so used to living this way that it's hard to imagine living any other way. I'm always so paranoid , it's unhealthy. I never know what mood she'll be in, and I never know who will walk through my door. I love my mom more than anything, but it's difficult. I hate seeing her throw away her life, and I hate having to pick up the pieces. I have a hard time trusting anyone and talking about her is a touchy subject. But it helps talking about it. I wish it was that easy, to just not give her money to feed her addiction. But it's a lot more complicated than anyone could imagine. I just don't even know what to do. I went to an alanon meeting with my boyfriend a week ago or so, but when I opened my mouth to talk, I couldn't find the words.
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I appreciate that you love your mom, regardless of the horrific ways that she treats you. And the are horrific. If only there was some way for her to get into a treatment center. I'm sure she would do well, if only she could get there. Is your mom on welfare, or welfare disability? Because if she is, i'm sure that they would place her in a rehab. And then, maybe you could stay with a friend, or your boyfriend or even foster care for a short time.

Are you thinking at all about college? About what type of career you can see yourself in? It's a shame that you have to work these dead end jobs, right now. Your head should be in the books, and you should be planning a brighter future for yourself.

I know it's hard to talk about your mom and her addiction, but it's important that you do, on paper at least. Maybe you could try online NarcAnon. and it would help you to open up there. NarcAnon is about you living your life, and about you not being defined by your mother's addiction. I think that it would help your mother immensely in the long run, if you were to quit a few of your jobs, and concentrate on high school, so that you're prepared for a college and a career. If your mother were in her right mind, she would want that for you. You say that you don't need anyone, that you've grown, but you are not mature enough to see that the best course of action for yourself is to dedicate your life to making sure that you are able to get away from this lifestyle and create a new life for yourself. And that includes education. Education is what's going to save you from having to live near this type of life. It would be worth it to go to foster care, and get away from the insanity. I doubt very much you would regret it. And frankly, the way your mother treats you and the things that she does and says to you, should show you that she is out of her mind, and is not thinking of you as she would a daughter. She is simply not acting like a mother, at all. You shouldn't feel bad for saving yourself from this type of abuse. It is not wise to become a martyr . It will set you up for more of the same. Nothing magical is going to happen when you hit 18 i'm afraid. What do you think is going to happen that's any different than what's happening right now?

Have you checked in to see if there is a way for her to get to rehab? For instance, if she is on government assistance? If so, she is eligible for rehab. Then, maybe you could move in with your boyfriend, for a month or so.

I sure understand not being able to speak at a meeting. I was the same way about my family of origin. The problems that I lived with were so big, it was so hard to know where to start. And, giving it to words, somehow diminished the intensity of the feelings that came from it all. It's not easy.; I think it would help you a lot if you could talk to a therapist about what you're going through. .It seems odd that your counselor would treat you so unfairly, especially if she knew that your mother was having problems with addiction. If this were the case, you should demand to talk to the principle. He/she should know if this type of abuse is happening at the school.

I hear you when you say that you're used to the way you live, You are like an addict yourself. You are addicted to the chaos i'm afraid. As i was, when i was your age. The circumstances were a little different, but it' sounds pretty similar. My life went to pot. I became an addict myself, and didn't get out of that hell for years, not until i was almost 40. There are options for you, but you have to want to stop the insanity. If you do, it might help your mom. it might not. but that can't be the reason why you look for change. It has to be because you want to save yourself. Nobody can save your mom until she wants help. And no one can save you, until you want help.

In the first sentence of your posting, you said that "this is a cry for help". I'm telling you, there is help. You can get by the negativity and demand help, and you'll get it. but you have to want it. I sure hope that you think a bit about the couple of different ways that you could put a stop to this insanity. I just don't see this changing at all, until you do take action.
Helpful - 0
7284346 tn?1402238725
Hi honey~
I am so SO proud of you for going to an al-anon meeting!! It is totally OKAY that you didn't speak!!  You don't have to.  Keep going!!  Give it a real chance honey... and if there are NarAnon meetings... try those too because they are more specific to drug addiction.  Not speaking is really okay for awhile... just listening to what other people are doing can really be helpful in the beginning. Learn and listen.

Eventually, you will build up your confidence and you WILL have the strength and build relationships there to feel like you want to share what's going on inside of you. :)

Of course you feel responsible for your mom... but it's not healthy honey... sadly, you should never have been placed in the position. It is what it is... and you are doing what you know to do.... but it is very unhealthy for you... physically, mentally, and spiritually.  

I just want to encourage to keep at those meetings honey. ONE step at a time. ONE day at a time. This journey can be so overwhelming. So, just try to do the NEXT right step. If you can go to a meeting today... that IS the next right step!! :) a HEALTHY step for you. You will begin learning new healthier ways to do your life. ONE day at a time. Not all at once... just one little bit at a time.  YOU work on YOU. You cannot FIX your momma.... as sad as that is honey... I know you would LOVE to... but as you get stronger... you may be able to interact with her in healthier ways. And that is a good thing.

Praying for you sweet girl. You are NOT alone in this world. Please keep coming back for support. Please private message me if you would like to... whatever :) we are here to give you some strength through this journey.
HUGS!!
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8976007 tn?1413330650
is your boyfriend good to you??  does his family like you??  
i moved out when i was 14, but my parents did not care.
i totally get you not wanting to get into the foster care system.  i am thinking maybe you could make your mom a deal.......  she leaves you alone and lets you move into your bf's parents home or you get the state involved??
being an addict her worst fear will be jail, but honestly jail would be the best thing right now.  after all, she is dealing to your friends.  
again, this advice is ONLY based on the relationship you have with your bf's parents.   if you have another friend you could live with that would work too.  your mom just has to understand...........if she comes after you then you will tell the cops everything and she will go to jail.  
attend those meetings as often as you can.  a lot of support and resources there

so sorry you are having to go through all of this.  you do not deserve it. you have to get out of that house with meth addicts coming and going.  it is NOT safe
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Avatar universal
I appreciate everyone's support, it makes things easier! I've considered moving to my grandpas but I'd feel like a nuisance. He's old, he doesn't want a teenager. Here's the tricky thing, I would love more than anything to live with my boyfriend and his family but my boyfriend lives with me and his family is 10 hours away. Everything is just.. Messed up. I don't have very many friends and the friends I do have their parents don't approve of me because since my mom is such a low life, I am too. Everyone around here is so judge mental and it makes things difficult. I've thought about going to the police and just getting it over with, but I want things between me and my mother on good terms. Although quite honestly, I don't think we'll ever be on "good terms". I understand that if I don't do anything , nothing's going to change but please understand everyone, it isn't that easy. Baby steps are hard! Especially when you don't know how to take that first step.  I will be attending more al anon meetings, and nar anon! I think it'll be good for me. I talked to my mom the other day about going to therapy, not for me, but for us. I don't think she listened to a word I said though haha. It really is nice to see all of you supporting me, because like I said, I don't really have that here. Sure, I have my boyfriend. But it's hard for even him to understand because he doesn't have to deal with it. And everyone else just assumes that I'm the (excuse my language ) crack ****** daughter. It's just awful. Every time something goes wrong, or my mom owes these people money, they don't go after her, they go after what'll crush her the most, me. I hate it! Last week, this freak threatened to kidnap and murder me because my mom owed him 50 bucks! 50 dollars. Seriously! Granted my boyfriend would kill before that ever happened, but it ***** knowing she puts herself in these situations that are not only putting HER in harms way but me as well. I want to stick it out until it's legal for me to move out, but that's another 2 years. A lot can happen in 2 years.
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1235186 tn?1549257619
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hun we are glad you found us. We dont judge around here. we are here to suoport and  encourage.  have you spoken to your grandpa about moving in there?
Is he aware of your situation at home? I can't imagine you being a nuisance.
You could be a help to your grandpa. How old is he?
Why does your boyfriend live with you?
It is very unsafe for you in your moms house now.
Yes unfortunately people can be very judgemental. I know you love you mom
Hun but she has to take care of herself. You are so young and can't be expected to take on that responsibility.

I understand its hard to sort out what would be best for you and your mom.
I know when I called the police on my husband and my son at first they were very mad at me, called me all sorts of names. Eventually they understood that I loved them and was trying to help them.

Have you attended church? A pastor could help counsel you, possibly provide help for your living situation, give you support, encouragment and prayer.

i am proud of you for going to al-anon. I know what you mean about now being able to find the words. the first few meetings i went to i just cried.
the more i went the more comfortabke and encouraged i felt. i received so much understanding there. Pleae try to keep going. there is also al-ateen. It is for Teenagers of addicts.
You might be able to find some resources to help you there also with your living situation.

Please know we are here. I know how much talking about it helps.
Sending prayers and hugs,
Debbie
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I also think that if you're grampa allows it, you should move back with him. and i hate to say this, but, the reason your mom is getting dope fronted to her is because she has told her dealer you will look after it (in all likelihood). This is terribly unfair to you. If you were at your grampa's house you could restart your education. Look at it with fresh eyes. You need to consider what it's going to take for you to get your diploma, and get yourself to college. You need peace and quiet to figure out for yourself what type of job you'd like. Most kids have parents that work, and that gives them a starting point, a vantage with which to consider what they might like to do, and what it takes to  have a healthy career and family life. You have been cheated out of that. , but you can still achieve greatness in your own life despite your humble beginnings. Many have. and they are very proud to admit that they started with the same type of back ground as you, and have persevered (remained constant to a goal).

My prayer for you is to go the alanon, naranon or teen anon meetings, and really listen as to how you must start to live your own life with your own purpose. and secondly, that you know in your heart, that if you decide that your mother's way of life is not good enough for you for a lifetime, then what do you have to commit to doing in order to achieve greatness. You are behind the eight ball, and it's statistically stated that your life can fall between the cracks. It doesn't have to be that way. But, it will take work on your part at school. Im sorry that you're feeling prosecuted by your school guidance counselor. You need to talk to a counselor, and if they are the only option, then you can try to get through to them. If they know that you are sincere and in need of support concerning making a plan for YOUR education and your college days ahead, im sure that they will help you.
Is it because your mom sells high school children meth that your guidance counselor is seemingly shunning you?
Helpful - 0

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