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Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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Avatar universal

Losing my mind- my boyfriend is a heroin addict !

I need some sort of guidance or help. My story is a long one but basically I am at a crossroad where I am completely besides myself because I can never distinguish the truths from the lies anymore. It's hard to just pick up and leave- when I found out in the most horrible way, the my boyfriend was an addict he overdosed on our bathroom and I found him lying half conscious in the floor and after that almost dying in my arms. His face turned purple and he stopped breathing and his heart rate was almost non existent. I promised him because at this point I cared too much to walk out of his life like everyone else to help him. A few months later we moved 700 miles from NY to North Carolina to get away from everything. Yet he still found his way to it. Currently he relapses almost a guaranteed once a month. I can tell when he's high, I can pinpoint when he's lying but he totally screws my head up and causes fights tells me I'm a paycho and has even needed up with some pretty just down right awful fights. We have a small daughter and I just can't deal with him telling me how full of **** I am and then days later come out with the truth. How do I move on to trusting him? How do I be there for him? I just need some sort of feedback. I  not a user or ever have been. I've never done drugs and the most I do is smoke a cigarette. I just don't understand.
36 Responses
1530493 tn?1410060236
Hi Rae
The best thing you can do for him,  is let his addiction become his own, back away, with love and know your doing it for you your child AND him.
The life you described will be the life you live while he is active, we enable them in ways we cant see. Sometimes just knowing your there, is enough for him not to want change.
We can not change our addicts or can we fix them,  that can only come from them when they've reached the point of being sick of it.
trust in him will not come until he is commited to soberity, until then he will lie and manipulate to cover his tracks.
I know how deeply this hurts.  We can't change them. ..all you can do at this point is make changes for you and your child,  hopefully he follow your lead
Avatar universal
Thank you. There is not much help for family members of addicts- or loved ones. There needs to be an outreach some where and I very much appreciate you taking the time to reply to me- I may not know you but it means a lot to me- so thank you!
1530493 tn?1410060236
The best comfort I received came from others that understood my life.  They couldn't do anything to make me ok, or mend my heart, that had to come from me, but knowing I truly wasnt losing my mind and all I felt was justified, gave me the boost I needed.
there are meetings for families,  I never attended,  I found several people here that I connected closely with. ..together we each found our way.  
I know there are also on line groups that several on here have mentioned...I'll have to take note next time ( atthe beach...debbie) has mentioned it several times.   You could send her a message,  she may not catch your post, but always willing to pass her experiences and guidance on
your among friends here, each of our lives have been or still hurt by addiction.
We may not beable to change your situation,  ( you will when your heart let's you & you've had enough) until that time comes we can help keep you facing forward.
Deb
Avatar universal
How do I send her a message? I'm still learning how to use this thing lol. I appreciate it. Some things happened today and an argument escalated and he basically told me to get the F out of a place that was supposed to be both our homes. My aunt lives nearby thankfully and I had to call her housemate to come rescue me and get all mine and my daughters things and I'm completely just heartbroken. He says this all is my fault because I hounded him too much. My family doesn't understand.. They just want me to completely cut ties with him immediately and they don't understand. I love him, I want to see him beat this and possibly have my family back together but going back is basically being shunned by everyone because now they know too what is going on when I had to hide it from them. Completely besides myself- as for my daughter too- I refuse to keep him from her .. And they feel it's unsafe to ever let him see her again when I believe that is my call and I promised him raged less of what happens that I wouldn't.  Thank you.. I treally so find comfort in being able to reach out to someone
1530493 tn?1410060236
I'm so sorry, your in this spot.   Addiction is so hard to understand,  especially for people who's heart isn't involved. It's hard to turn your back on love,  but many times that's what's needed, to help them
I'll send deb a message see if we can connect her to your post.
Active users always blame someone,  please know this is all part of addiction, he's not himself right now, life can and will get ugly.
all you can do right now is take care of you and your little girl.
This will effect you both, over time.
I have a disabled daughter who functions at a 4 to 5 year level.  She saw my addict in very bad spots too often.  I didn't think at the time she got the full grasp of what was going on around her.  Two years after we let his addiction go,  she had a complete meltdown.  We've been 10 months trying to find her innocent life, post tramatic stress...  She certainly didn't deserve it, and I had no idea how badly I let her life be hurt.
if I could go back in time knowing what I know now. ..I would have let go so much sooner for her sake
Your at your aunts now...use this opportunity to your advantage.  I know this will be hard,  but pull all your strength together, don't run back fast, give you time
give him the chance to see what his addiction is letting go.  Sometimes it's enough for them to want to fight for sobriety.
Unfortunately, until he changes,  this life won't.
stay close,  we're here

1235186 tn?1549261219
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hello.
I am glad you left with your daughter.
You don't deserve To be treated like that.
Until addicts take responsibility for their actions and for the consequences of their addiction they aren't ready for recovery.
He needs to be honest with themselves first, then others before he can get
The help he needs.

The more we do for them in their active addiction the less they do for themselves. This is his addiction and he needs to own it.
If we keep their secret it helps to keep them in active addiction.

You are not alone. I know what a loved ones addiction does to those who love them. We become just as sick as they are, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. We also we recovery, restoration and healing.
Please get some counseling with a therapist, pastor and or support groups.
Here are a few links for groups.

www.smartrecovery.org/resources/family.htm
www.nar-anon.org/
www.al-anon.org/‎

Take care of yourself and your daughter.
There is always hope.
Keep the faith.
Sending prayers,
Debbie
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