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MY Dad and Alcohol

My Dad is an alcoholic.  He has admited it maybe one time over the years.  June 15th he came down to celebrate my little brother's graduation from cop school.  He was supposed to be there at 6pm and wouldn't answer his phone when we were calling him at 630 & on to see where he was.  He finally arrived, just after the thing started and smelled like alcohol.  I'm a paramedic so I know that smell.  We haven't seen him in several years so it was a little awkward.  At dinner, I'm the only one that didn't drive becase I knew I was going to drink.  He drove and drank 4/5 martinis and several glasses of wine.  At the end of dinner he even began nodding off.  I got the keys away from him because I already knew he was planning on driving.  He has done that so many times before I'm surprised that he hasn't killed himself, someone else, or been arrested.  He got mad and then decided to cut off me, my little brother and sister, and my mom off financially forever and said "I am done with all of you."  OUCH!!!!!  He has been our sole supporter forever and then all of a sudden he pulls this one.  Financially we will be ok.  Emotionally, my 'Florida' family is emotionally all over the place.  We are all bonded together and we are even closer now than ever before.  I just don't understand.  After he was forced to take a taxi home, he began sending these aggressive, angry an hateful e-mails to all of us.  The only way I will ever accept him back into my life is if he gets sober.  I know the programs and I have been in the programs.  It is a different world on the outside looking in.  I hate his so much right now for what he did and what he's done.  His ego is so huge that I would bet a good deal of money on him never going to rehab or getting sober.  He thinks that reducing his intake everynight from 5 martinits to 3 shows that he is under control.   AHHHHHH!!!!!!!  So overwhelmed emotionally.......any thoughts?
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82861 tn?1333453911
Al-Anon.  :-)

Your anger is justified.  Every one of us who lives with an alcoholic or addict lives with a whole lot of anger and at some point we blow.  Lord knows I did.

Like your father and every other active alcoholic on the planet, my husband thought he could control his drinking.  On the occasions that even he had to admit he was out of control, he labeled them "mistakes" and I was just overreacting and not giving him any credit for cutting down.  It's just the way an alcoholic copes with anything upsetting.  They'll do anything to turn the focus on others so they don't have to point it at themselves.  Deep down they know they have a big problem but they aren't ready to face it.

There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries with your father.  If that boundary means no contact unless and until he's sober and working a recovery program, that's great.  Just make that clear to your father and the rest of your family.  Don't waste your time trying to convince your other family members to do the same.  They have to figure out their own boundaries.  It's not your job to cure your father and it's not your job to stop others from enabling him.  

You mention that you've been in all the programs.  Can you elaborate?  
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Avatar universal
I was in NA/AA for a while.  It served a purpose in my life for a certain time but there came a point where I was feeling like life outside of NA was leaving me behind.  I also could not stant the "brain-washing" it gave me.  I do want to say that NA saved my life for sure and is a great program for anyone seeking recovery.  There just came a time it wasn't for me.
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