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Avatar universal

New Here - Husband addicted to coke - Part 2

Since the original thread was getting way too long...I created a "Part 2."
106 Responses
186166 tn?1385262982
bottom line is...

he's an addict
he's lied repeatedly to you
he's cheated on you
he was sexting someone
this is just what you are aware of

i know you love him.  i loved my ex-husband that used me as a punching bag...but he had to go.  i loved myself and my kids more and decided to put us first ! ! !
480448 tn?1426952138

The suspense is killing me!
2083449 tn?1381358308
Hi Miller, I just spent the better part of an hour reading through your first post! I just wanted to offer my encouragement and support! There is nothing more I can add to what has already been said! You are being given advice, and support by the smartest and most compassionate people I have ever come across in my life! I wish you the very best! I believe that you will make it through this, and that you will be stronger and more confident with each day! I will continue to follow your story and I pray that you and your son will be happy and safe! Take care!
480448 tn?1426952138
Avatar universal
UH OH...
               she said as she checked her watch...  
Avatar universal
Team Miller! i made it back. oh my gosh..we slept together...and i am just going to accept the fact that he is not a coke addict and let him come back. i know you dont agree...but i am doing it anyway..he can stop on his own...and he said he was sorry. i forgive him, and now we are going to try for baby #2!

GET REAL!  there is NO WAY I would do that. i know i had you worried...i am sorry. you would be proud of me! (smile)

okay, so he comes over...and i am sooooooooooooo nervous. but i am sticking to my guns. he comes over..and he looks terrible.  he seemed thinner to me, hair not cut well, and his clothes didnt look good....and he had just gotten off work. he came over and i could tell he was nervous too. he handed me half the money for the mortgage...several boxes of diapers, and paperwork about how to get the mortgage lower. i didnt say a word. he asked me several times how i was doing, and if i was okay. i just said..."fine."

he could tell that i didnt want to talk to him about anything. and i didnt. he had a good visit with his son, and then left.

when he left, he didnt say a word.

i guess when you think about it, there was nothing to say. i am glad he didnt want to "go there". i think he may have been too nervous. and i was not giving off any vibes that i wanted to entertain any conversations with him.

my therapist who i saw afterwards told me not to start WWIII when i dont need to. just be polite when i am dealing with him.  no need to talk about anything i havent already discussed with him before. he already knows what needs to happen.

i am sure though in his mind, since i did put him out and sent that letter ending everything... that he believes it is over. that is fine. i understand why he cant man up and there is nothing i can do about that. i am still sticking to my guns and trying to take care of me.

i want a man who would read everything i put in that letter and do what needed to be done to try an repair all the damage he has created. he cant do that.

anyway....i was strong you guys...you would have been proud. thanks for all your support.
Avatar universal
HAHAHAHAHAHA!   VERY FUNNY!  NG will have a breakdown when she reads that...LOL   You have your humor....

DIAPERS???   LMAO.  That's pathetic and sad...

So, good job!  You better not be crying now...this is how it is and what HE has done.  You did just fine and I'm sure it was a million things and hard but you got through it...and he's a mess and that's very sad.  He's slipping...

Thanks for checking in...I can sleep now!   LOL  xoxo
480448 tn?1426952138
I'm sending YOU the hospital bill for my heart attack!!!!!!   Ugh!  ;0)

WAY TO GO!!!  I knew you would do great, I was just worried when you hadn't posted that maybe there was more drama!

You GO girl!  I bet things are more clear to him now, he HAS to realize now what he has to do to fix this (or try anyway).

I'm SOOOO proud of you!  Great job!
Avatar universal
You know, I have to tell you, I think you're rare!   It generally takes people AGES to put there foot down and set boundaries. Or, in Jen's case, never...

You're actions here are most likely the single thing that will help HIM and save your marriage, if anything can.  You're a very strong and smart girl.

I think you know now that none of this is your fault or has anything to do with you.  You're the recipient of everything that's bad about addiction. But you've handled all this like a trooper.

Hang in there. Things may start to happen quickly with him now...as far as,his downward spiral goes...
1416133 tn?1351126817
Yeah I agree with vicki.. Miller, girl, you ROCK.
480448 tn?1426952138
"You're actions here are most likely the single thing that will help HIM and save your marriage, if anything can.  You're a very strong and smart girl. "

SO worth repeating.

Avatar universal
thank you guys....that really helps me a lot. i would not have been able to do this without you. it is hurting me inside...but i know i have to be strong.

see...last night, he sends me a text message...and it says something like this..."i know you are occupied tonight...and i dont want to bother you....i would like to see the baby on saturday if that is okay. thank you for letting me visit him. i want you to know that i wish you the best in moving on...i want you to know that i would never try to hurt you or take our home, or try to get any money from you. if you officially decide to move on, i wont do anything. i am sure that finances is what is holding you up."

he said something along those lines. i didnt respond except to say that he could see the baby for a visit.

you see...i know him...he is trying to see where i am with all of this. you know? in the past, i would have jumped all over this...and said..."oh no...i am not occupied...i am free...i dont want to move on.....blah, blah, blah" you see what i mean? i would have been sucked into that manipulation. ME begging and trying to make him "see" that we can make it. you know what mean?

it is like he is doing everything BUT addressing the boundaries and the real issues. he would rather just come in from the "backdoor" and say things like..."it looks like you are moving on"...or...."i wont stand in your way."  rather than manning up and saying..."i know what your concerns are...and i want to talk about what i am going to do to make things right....first off addressing my problem. i will do whatever it takes"

but, no...he takes the coward way...and "runs"....without doing anything.....waiting for me to help him.

and i simply will not do that anymore. i wont.

if he wants to walk...if he thinks i have "moved on" and he will not stand in my way..then so be it. let me go. i am not going to "make him see" that i am worth it. if he sees i am moving on...then i should be worth it to fight for...and get his life together.

if not...i am better off. i know that now.

you see?
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