Avatar universal


So my story... I've been with a great guy for a little over a year. He owns his own business and works 6 days a week.  Everything was great then he got into an accident aND was put on pain meds then some percoet and oxys. After a couple of months he realized he needed help and tried to quick cold turkey but couldn't.  He did two attempts and finally he researched online and finally went to an out patient clinc.  They put him on subutex . I've supported him and constantly tell him how I love him and care for him and he knows.. before the subutex we didn't have sex for a xouple of months but he would still show affection. But because of the pressure of work and trying to quit I never said anything about the sex drive until a couple weeks ago.. he said it was his meds and he thought it would come back once he detox and went on subutex but even the feeling of sex or affection isn't there he says he feels numb. So I asked him if it's me and he said no he thinks it's just the meds.  Every week is different in his personality. I noticed when he first started subutex he was ok he was on 4 mg daily, this week he started talking like he doesn't what in life he wants to do settle or not but he doesn't wanna break up with he wants to take it one day at a time.  Come to find out he is on 12 mg this week per his doctor.  So when I ask him how are you feeling about this plan he says I haven't really thought about it I've been busy.  Has anyone has any thoughts about this?
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3060903 tn?1398565123
Welcome to the Living with an Addict Community. I'm so glad that you reached out here. When you're reading other posts and comments, and you see someone that you'd like to talk to , PLEASE feel free to reach out by private message and ask them if they wouldn't mind giving you a few moments of their time you, okay? That happens to me, and it makes my day, that i'm actually helping someone.

It is very concerning that your partner says that he doesn't know what he wants to do in life? whether to settle down or not?

Is he saying this because his attempt to get clean petered out? and he feels that he won't be able to please you? or in his mindset, is he thinking that he is in pain, and his first concern has to be about him, and his job, and that pleasing someone in a relationship (because of the outcome of the accident) may not be the right first priority for him.

Yet, he wants to take it one day at time. Is this a warning to you, I wonder. to stay off his case, or it's going to be over?

When you asked him why his med schedule changed, he said he hadn't thought of it. He didn't say the other dose was not enough to deal with the pain. If that was the case, he surely would have thought about it. The doctor didn't suggest upping his dosage in a vacuum. Your partner had to have said the lower dose wasn't working. So in effect he is lying to you, by omission.

He knew enough that he had a problem. He needs to be responsible enough to tell his doctor that he needs to be put on medication that is not going to create another situation where he feels he's going to have to go cold turkey again. His position though is that "he hasn't thought about it."

Most addicts do not change unless they have consequences to their drug use. One would be losing you. I'm sorry it's a catch 22, and a hard place to be. You might check out NarcAnon online, and see if it's something you might want to check out in person for yourself. You NEED people in your life that you can talk to about living with active addiction. There you can learn to desensitize yourself and live for you. And become less affected by what he does or doesn't do.

I personally would be considering my next move, if my partner said that he didn't know if he wanted a relationship after living with him for a year. Before his accident, sex was important to him. After not so much. Is he saying that you are there for sex.?

Hopefully they'll be others to weigh in. That's my take. I'm always here to talk if you need to.
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Avatar universal
Thank so much for commenting.. I plan to talk with him tonight just to see how he is feeling mentally.  When I check on him this morning he said physically he feels ok.  He's suppose to see a counselor as part of the program.  I sent him saying that I got my outfit packed in my car for when his mojo comes back or when he wants to try.. he responded by saying.. he's so embarrassed and he sorry. He doesn't know when it will come back and he has never felt like this before. He doesn't even know if it will come back.  I've told him to tell his doctor but he says he too shame. I'm hoping once he gets counseloring that will help him sort things out
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3060903 tn?1398565123
II researched what can be done for problems with sex drive while on subutex, and this is what i found for you.  You need to tell your partner that doctors have heard it all, and expects there to be side effects tneed to be dealt with if they can, and by the sounds of what I found, it looks good that there may be help for you two. It sounds like he cares about you, and is concerned about the problem. Let him know you're in his corner. and try to push for him to open up. It' won't affect the doctor's opinion of him. Why not then ?

Here it is.....

Have your doctor test your bio-available testosterone level.Chronic abuse of opiates usually causes the testosterone levels to drop dramatically.
If your level is low then the doctor can order you testosterone patches or gels.There are testosterone pills they aren't very effective when taken orally.
Once you've been on the testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) for a few weeks you should notice an increase in your libido,energy and overall feeling better.hat

Hope it helps. Let me know how things are going. You're both in my prayers.

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