personally, I feel like you're going to have to kick them out. Why would your roomate quit if she doesnt need to? Free place to stay while she works at Olive Garden to pay for her addiction. Tough Love, havent we all heard that one before? Good Luck!
I think the best thing you can do is ask them to leave. It is unfair to you, your roommates and your sister. You are enabling their addiction and the kindest thing you could do is let them go. Its not your problem, you didn't create it, and you shouldn't have to pay for it. Be kind but be very very firm.
It just breaks my heart. We've been friends since we were 15,and she grew up in a household with a mom who is an addict and jumped from man to man to support the family, where as me and my sister did not face those types of issues growing up at all. I am afraid this will ruin our friendship.
People don't change unless they HAVE to change. Whether we are addicts or not.....most people I know don't like change. (Only a baby with a wet diaper likes change...lol)
It's time for some boundary setting. Best to have a conversation when you aren't emotional, frustrated or angry. I had to set a boundary this past year and let my step son know he needed to make plans to move out.
I started FIRST by not giving a specific timeframe because his Dad didn't want me to. So...this is what I said, "Son, it's time for you to begin forumulating a plan towards moving out."
He was shocked.....he had no idea he wasn't just going to continue living here. Well, that didn't work.......so two months later.....I played around with some "appropriate, loving words" on my computer too figure out a way to lovingly tell him it essence...it's time to get out....LOL
I ended up sending him an email which would go to his phone....so he could read it while he was away from our home and process it.
I said, "Son, we love you and care about you and will always support you.....but the time has come for you to live elsewhere.....Nov 1st is what works best for Dad and I."
He responded with love and said he'd be out by then.
It's imortant to know that you don't have to "justify" or "explain" or "defend" WHY this person and her boyfriend need to move out. After all, it was "suppose to be" temporary.....and that's not working.
Hope that helps......no point in harming a good roommate situation with all the others just because you are being taken advantage of by this one.
It might ruin your friendship. Be prepared for that. Her addiction will definitely ruin your friendship. Addicts tend to isolate. Once she is through using you, you probably wont see her anymore. Sad, but true.
That is encouraging. I thought we did have a time frame. Do you think it would be wrong to discuss this privately with her live-in boyfriend who I know is clean? He only occasionally drinks.
Kansas is right . Most people do not like change and won't do it unless forced to. I know I didn't make an effort to change until I hit rock bottom and had no choice.
I know asking her to leave sounds cruel, but it is actually the kindest thing you can do. If you don't force her to face her addiction , you are enabling her behavior. She will only get help if she is forced to. Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom to make the change.
I wish you peace and strength,
alright, So then my next question is (because I am a huge pushover) should I give my roommates this info about her? I know if I did they would be very upset, and urge me to get them out. OR should I keep her business private, and just suck it up and handle it on my own.
I would keep her business quiet. It probably took a lot for her to disclose her addiction to you. As hard as it will be, you will need to address this in your own. Just remember you are doing it for the good of your friend and stay strong ...
No....on sharing it with your other roommates. And and Yes...on talking to her live-in boyfriend. You can tell him when you'd like to see them move to another place....THEN....if it doesn't accomplish them moving out...you'll need to talk to her privately, as well. Once she finally gets clean...she'll understand....but while using...she probably won't. You have to be true to yourself FIRST and do what is healthiest for ALL your roommates.
Let us know how it goes, ok?
were we able to help you at all? have you had a chance to talk to your roomate? how'd it go?
It was all very helpful. A friend suggested waiting until it warms up a bit. . . I think I am going to wait til the 31st of January, and then give them another month. I myself used to be a heavy pot smoker, and had quit completely before she moved it, she also smokes heavily, so I myself have fallen in some bad habits again, mainly because she just always has i and is always at my house, I know its my own fault, but Im back in school and I really dont want the constant temptation of it right across the hall from me. Still dreading the talk though, even though I do feel a little (just a tiny bit) less guilty now, and more justified for sending them on their way.