it sounds as if your fiance is still in very active addiction. slurred speech,foggy brain,dropping lit cigarettes,slow moving are all signs of opiate abuse. he could very well be doing the subs and other opiates along with it.
is the suboxone prescribed from a doctor or is he self-medicating??
suboxone can cause a dark urine color.
if your fiance is taking suboxone he should also be working a recovery program. the subs are meant to help stop the cycle of active addiction and to help them work a recovery program and eventually come off the subs and live opiate free.
has he gone to any na or aa meetings? has he been to counseling?
i am the wife of a recovering addict. he was clean for 11 years when we married and then he relapsed. his relapse lasted 14 years.
i didnt know when i married him about the relapse possibility. i thought he was clean and that was it. i wish i knew then what i know now.
does your fiance work? how are his finances? please learn all you can about addiction. i would definitely recommend alanon. it is for the loved ones and familys of addicts. here is the link.
Suboxone isn't a magic pill that will cure addiction. It is a very potent, synthetic narcotic that is meant to be used short-term in conjunction with a rehab program. Because it's a narcotic, it is just as subject to abuse as any other narcotic.
Suboxone also contains another ingredient (naloxone) that helps prevent certain kinds of abuse - primarily crushing and snorting/shooting it. If an addict does that, the naloxone basically knocks other opiates off the brain receptors and takes up residence causing precipitated withdrawal.
If an addict supplements Suboxone with more opiates in an attempt to get a buzz, the naloxone component renders them almost useless. That said, your fiance is either overmedicated with Suboxone or isn't using it all. If he's getting it off the street or from a "doctor" who doesn't also insist on AA/NA meetings or something similar, he's just self-medicating and abusing a legal substance instead of an illegal substance and not really in recovery.
Ditto what Debbie said about Al-Anon. That's the best place for you to learn about addiction, its consequences to the addict and the ones who love him, and most of all how to reduce the harm to your own life. It really is true that you or anyone can't fix his addiction for him. There isn't enough love and care in the world to influence his decision to use. It's our job to step back and allow them to screw up and feel the consequences of their addiction. If we never let them fall down, they never have to get up.
@ atthebeach, He does work, he owns his own concrete business that was handed down to him from his father. His finances are well taking care of since his father takes care of it all. I honestly think he is "burnt" out from doing it but he knows nothing else. He works from as soon as the nice weather kicks in 7 days a week from spring to fall. During the winter they all plow for the city (if we get snow)
@JayBay, He use to go to AA meetings all the time. He loved it and even would be people's sponsors. At first it would annoy me that people would call at 3 am when they relapse, but he would get right up and talk to them for hours and he loved it. He would go on AA retreats, last time he went to Vermont with a bunch of guys fishing and hunting. At night they had AA meetings at the camp fire. He was very involved and for some reason he said its just not doing it for him anymore.
His suboxone is subscribed by a doctor NOT CHEAP!!!! Insurance won't even cover it. He doesn't take a whole pill but cuts it into 1/2's most of the time its not even a full 1/2 since it does break up. I had to purchase a pill cutter because they are so small and hard to break up.
I have tried Al-Anon. It just wasn't for me. I am not a group type person at all. I even tried a online one that is set up sort of like facebook.
Just how he acts and talks reminds me of someone with dementia.
I pretty much do separate myself from him often. I have my own things. I find things to do outside the house if he is home high cause I can't be around it with out it aggravating me. Usually ends up being a day just me and the dog. I do have to come home at night and watching him at night just annoys the hell out of me more than anything. I actually take his cigarettes away at night before I go to bed in fear there will be a fire. Oddly enough he doesn't fight me over it and sometimes just hands them over :-)
Last fall when it was bad I actually considering getting a Shar-Pei because a drug dealer showed up trying to get my fiance to get more drugs off of him. I felt like the dealer was almost trying to see what kind of things we owned.
its never obvious to the user that dont believe or want to believe he has a problem. my advise would be to video tape him, and then show him the proof. dont do it in a confrontational way, he may feel attacked. and remember timing is everything, dont approach when he is in a bad mood, cranky, or tired. you know him best so pick the time of day you think he'
d be most receptive. dont make it about you, and be as loving and caring as possible, this is what worked for me.....