My husband has a tear in his shoulder, his doctor prescribed him some medication to help, and then he starts growing distant, screwing around, sleeping all day and only waking to go to work. Meanwhile I lose my job as im 6 months pregnant with our 3rd child then i find out hes screwing around. My bags are packed and im done, in the laundry room when I just happen to look over and see my huband seizing on the bed, I run to him but hes no longer breathing, I roll him over (not easy as im 6 months pregnant and 110 pds), clear the vomit from his airways and proceed to do CPR.When he finally starts breathing I call 911 we do a million tests and they rule it a medical mystery in the ER but want follow up testing. For the next month we do cat scans, MRIs, see specialists, EEGs the whole 9 yards... needless to say our insurance didnt cover nearly enough and financially it killed us. He says he had an epiphany and is going to be a better man, and for one whole day he was. He started having blurred vision, dizziness, slurring, uncontrollable tremors, he couldnt walk, talk or function properly, tons of testing then i find out that all along because of his shoulder pain the doctor was giving him ambien for sleeping, klonopin for anxiety, vicodin for pain, and several different muscle relaxers to help release the tension... I was aware he had prescriptions but never wouldve thought he was getting a total of 120 vicodin a month and 60 of 3 different muscle relaxers on top of his 30 ambien... and was eating them like candy.
He kept insisting we make things work for our kids, made me believe he would change and like a fool I believed him, over and over again he lied, cheated, stole pills from his mother who has lupus an his sister who has a chronic pain disorder (rsd), showed up to the hospital for our sons birth so high he had to be asked to leave, then was too high too wake up with my 6 year old while I was in the hospital after giving birth. She had an asthma attack and drank the nebulizer solution because she couldnt find the nebulizer and he couldnt get up to help her. Same kind of stuff for 3 months, I kicked him out, his kids barely know him at this point, his daughter is so unhappy because she doesnt understand why daddy doesnt care about her anymore, and he decides he wants to go to rehab. I support him, I go to the family counseling, the meetings, bring him food, clothes, money, cigarettes whatever he needs, even though its a blizzard, an hour and a half away and I have three kids im raising on my own, I still made the drive every tuesday, thursday and saturday for the meetings and family time, and part of me doesnt know why.
He was released after only 12 days instead of 30 because the insurance said he wasnt high risk and could do outpatient. I dont want him home, because im terrified my daughter may find him dead one morning so hes staying with his grandmother, and were trying to get our issues resolved, and going to do marital counseling and im praying its the drugs and without them we will be ok, but im so angry. His counselor says he needs time, he needs space, he needs patience and love and support, but what about me? When do I get time and love and support? I have 3 kids, that I take care of on my own, because i cant trust their father to take care of himself, I have no money, because hes fresh outta rehab working the program, and i am angry, and im hurt and im lonely, but he is fragile, so I need to just tough it out and make his life easy so he wont want to use, what happens when life gets hard?... and what about me?